vermi

Back then, your eyes were full of life. Your smile reached your eyes— there wasn't a hint of sadness into your character. You loved dancing the most hence why you're always the dance instructor for occurrences like prom dances and physical education dances. For every dance that required a partner, you always chose Diluc, not that he ever minded.

Grace followed every step and every move you take. Diluc eventually learnt to love to dance. Especially watching you dance. He wasn't into those types of activities but he isn't the type to not participate just because it's not his interests.

Your hands gently fixes his positioning, there wasn't a day where he doesn't make a mistake but it's alright— you were patient and he loved the way your hands touch him. He had learned a lot, not just practical actions but valuable lessons that comes from dancing: patience, communication, mental well-being, and love.

He had fallen in love with you.

Not only you had taught him dance steps, you had taught him to love genuinely. From your sophisticated lessons he had find you more lovely. As the vinyl record had started to play— his body starts to stiffen. Admiring your hips that swayed along the rhythm for it had killed him to touch. The two of you would shared eye contact—almost intimate. You held his gaze without a hint of shyness, while he's flustered, sweating, and his ears turning noticeably red. Both of your hands are intertwined, not having a care for the surrounding as the two of you focuses on each other. Diluc's heartbeat rapidly beats. At those times, you're the only one that mattered.

It killed him so much, he dared not to confess even though he badly wants you in his arms. Graduating high school, he still had chose to close his mouth and the both of you bid farewell— thus yearning for your touch throughout his college life.

Even so, from time to time you had reached out to him but it wasn't long conversations, to him, he had savored them. He was already happy with those tiny moments of reaching out to each other. Maybe— just maybe.. He'll eventually will tell you his feelings. He gave it a thought for days within the month you guys had started reaching out again. A small smile on his face, his eyes filled with hope, and his heart that desired you. Even with all hopes he had regretted of not reaching out to you sooner.

Because he had seen you with another guy. It wasn't a simple guy friend— but an intimate one — all so sweet, so pure, a relationship you deserved, he thought. Realizations hit him like a truck, for days he had mustering up the courage to tell you his feelings, for days he's giving efforts to make your conversations any longer, he started hating himself more and more. In his mind, he convinced himself he had accepted your relationship, but his heart? Not a single acceptance. There he decided to drift away and hoped you for the best of your life.

Entering work life, he worked himself to death. As years passed the concept of moving on didn't catch up to him. Countless of times his friends had tried to introduce someone to him but he pushed them away for he wouldn't want to hurt them and he's not ready for a relationship. At this point, work is his wife. His schedule is packed but all of them are work, sometimes friendly outings.

"How much more time will you continue to hurt yourself, Diluc?" His blue-headed friend, Eula, showed concern for him. He doesn't drink alcohol, instead, his always go-to drink was grape juice. He spun the mug, swirling the grape juice, just staring at it dazedly. No reactions, no answers, just a shrug.

"I heard that she gave birth but isn't married." A friend said on the other side of the table shared. His eyes were tired, heart can't continue, and pale. The yearning was draining him. He learned about how you live now, he wanted to kill your boyfriend who ruined your life. He had told himself— if he was your boyfriend, he was sure that you'll never feel that way. You'll never lose that spark on your eyes. You'll never lose that smile on your face, and the fire within you will never be extinguished.

The day after that night, he just stared at the ceiling, sitting on his chair.

Your face was all he could see, your bright smile that lingered on his mind. He never saw you again. Should he call you? Maybe it's not too late to turn your life back again. Maybe it's not too late ..

Just maybe...

Opening his phone, he planned to call you— reach out to you.

But a message popped up, from a friend.

'Diluc, have you seen the news about y/n?' it showed, he instantly opened the message as his curiosity was mixed with concerned. The way the text was delivered didn't felt good.

And there— a devastating news followed.

You were killed in an alley way.

His eyes widen, staring at it too intensely. Face turned white, unable to move. His breath starts shaking, heart starts to tighten. He couldn't see more of it, he didn't want to.

Tears slipped on his cheeks. It felt unreal, it hurts. Guilt creeped up his neck, filled with regrets too. He should've reached out.

His dreams and promises had suddenly melt away— vanishing into thin air — as it turns out, in his dreams can he only dance with you ever again. Death— such a small word for such a big thing.

In a world of everyone's first time living, you made his life bearable in a matter where it's his first time living. But it's your first time living too— how come that a soul like yours that healed his suffered more? Your soul that healed him, taught him, especially to love genuinely.

He made a lot of regrets, and most of them are about you. He planned a lot of moves to enter your life yet never succeeded. If he at least tried, could he had changed your life?

Years he had yearned for you and desired for you. That yearning within him would turn into mourning. And for the years he had known you, he'll grieve for you more than how long he had seen you.

The last dance he wished to have with you, would end up being a dream he won't be able to reach.

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a/n: hello guys! another one for you all <3 as you can see, it's angst! XD.

anyways, this is inspired by the song "Ang Huling El Bimbo" by Eraserheads.

alhaitham knew that in every aspect and movement of his life, as time goes on- there's a lot of come and goes. he lost a lot of things he used to have and gained a lot of things as well. unfortunately, you were one of the people he had lost in the process. he wanted to accept that- he really do. his mind urges him to accept it, but his heart does not obey.

he can't grasp the idea of how he manage to easily accept the others he had lost yet when it comes to you, he couldn't.

would things go different if he hadn't let you go? was the question that kept him restless. but it wasn't just him, right? it was a mutual decision both of you agreed to. he had always thought that the relationship you both had was just a fleeting puppy love, something that belonged in the past, in the youthful days. it was meant to be a stepping stone, not a permanent bond, and holding on to it would only stand in the way.

those times walking through the hallways and the coincidence to always pass by each other, he puts on an act that he doesn't care. but he does. your physical appearance had changed, you'd grown mature. but when he looked at himself, nothing much had changed. maybe it's because he wasn't there to witness your growth throughout the time. if he had, he's sure he wouldn't have even noticed the changes as time quietly slipped by because he'd be too distracted by your sweet smile and those small, tender gestures to notice that the two of you were slowly growing. but no, time really tore you both apart, making you become strangers.

deep down, he has to admit, he wished that those what's and who's left his life would somehow find their way back. including you, the things you both do, the quiet and slow pace you both set. oh- but it was all just you? he couldn't care less about the people and things that left except you and the little things you did which stayed with him. your gentle smile, your soothing voice that calms his mind, your hands that gently caress his face, and your honeyed laughter that sounds like an angel's song to his ears- he misses them so much that it pains him to accept the harsh reality of becoming nothing more than strangers now.

the orange rays of the setting sun gently touched his skin as he was sat in his chair in the living room, a book covering his face. it seemed as though he had drifted off to sleep. the air was thick with the weight of his emotions, though he may not show it but the environment reacts to it. he lowered the book and let out a heavy sigh. the room was cluttered with papers and books, filled with the comforting scent of both papers and books, despite the mess, it felt comfortable. the house was quiet for now because of the absence of his architect friend, kaveh. he nonchalantly stared at the pile of books before deciding to clean it all up. he didn't want to hear the nagging of his roommate, so it's better to tidy up now.

as he returned the books to their usual place, his eyes landed on an unusual one. it looked oddly familiar and he knew why. it's because it was a photo album of you and him. he hadn't touched it since that day. he stood there, staring at it, unable to move. the sight of the book and its silly DIY cover with both of your names surely triggered a flood of memories, the memories he tried so hard to forget. the melancholy he felt didn't matched his straight face. he was feeling worse but it went more worse as soon as he saw a piece that reminds him of you. even against his will, for the sake of his mental health, he still dared to grab the book. opening the book hits him harder than he expected. it was filled with photos of the two of you from the days when you were together. he chuckled bitterly, touching his lips, realizing it was truly only you who could make him smile like that.

flipping through each page felt like swallowing large pills, the salt of memories are rubbing against his scars. the weight of the melancholy was overwhelming, and the nostalgia made him feel weak. the air around him remained thick with the emotion he was carrying with each turn of the page adding to the heaviness. it wasn't until the door opened that his instinct kicks in, he immediately closed the book and placed it back where it had been. the person who went in the house was none other than his roommate. kaveh looked at him with raised eyebrows whilst walking to the living room to drop of his things. "why are you standing there so pale?" kaveh asked. alhaitham didn't bother sparing him a glance, "mind your own business." he replied before going to his room. kaveh just gave him a thumbs down behind his back.

he laid down on his bed, staring at the setting sun. he's too drained from the unending thoughts of you. it wasn't like him anyways. alhaitham should be the last person to be affected by it, but in the end, we are all humans. so many what ifs had swarmed his mind. you were perfect for him as both agreed on most things. your understanding self that also prefers slow paced relationship, your honesty when you're disappointed in something and your determination in the relationship that kept it strong and honest.

he's now in the process of reaching his goal, he's doing well in the academy and he's acknowledged by a lot from his achievements. though, is it really considered a win? is it really a win if in exchange of his achievement was you? if he had knew, he would revert time and choose you because he can easily do the achievements again, but in terms of losing you again was something he doesn't want to do ever again.

if only he held onto you, then he'd still feel your warm hands on his cold face. if only he balanced the way to you and his goals, then he'd still hear your sugary whispers and laughter. if only he talked to you more about the decision, then maybe you two might still be talking to each other. if only he held your soft hands that day which might change his mind, then maybe.. he'd still have you by his side. if only.

drifting into his slumber due to the amount of thoughts that kept his mind overstimulated and the guilt weighing in his heart. he fell asleep with the weight of truth pressing down on him, still unable to accept that you are no longer a part of his life.

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hi guys ^-^ part 2 is out and it is all about alhaitham's perspective. im worried that it might be too ooc of him. if so, im very sorry :(

this is written in a very sweaty afternoon, heat index rly fcked me up it affects my writing so im sorry if its a lil messy

english is not my first language and errors r very common

"i hope you'll achieve your goals." your words filled with sincerity in all hopes for your partner to meet his goals. smiles exchanged between the two of you and hands intertwined. under the oak tree, both sat, barely noise could be heard but the leaves rustling, birds chirping, and your hums. alhaitham and you were young and silent, a lot of similarities between the two of you hence why both of you thought that you were perfect for each other. it was also the fact that there are barely disputes between each other despite being young.

he values the pursuit of knowledge and so does you, he dislikes noises and so does you, he loves quiet environment and so does you! it was too good to be true,

what did go wrong?

from the pinky promises, shared laughters, study sessions before exams, calm dates, and into being a complete strangers.

in just a year, now staring at him from afar, the academy acknowledged his name and his achievements. he became a known scholar, from his achievements that was worthy of being seen by many professors to his exceptionally high grades in every subjects. he had goals in mind.. and so does you. it felt too perfect to last, and as you both grew older, time grew scarce. the pressure pulled you apart, until you both agreed to end the relationship and focus on your studies. though things ended on good terms, the lingering tension between you two is hard to ignore, each passing glance carries an awkwardness that's tough to conceal. no one knew that you and alhaitham had a past together, after all, both of you disliked showing affections publicly nor announcing it even with close friends.

a genuine smile with a hint of bittersweet in it, you softly whispered, "i'm proud of you." watching him from afar as he's sat on a bench, reading a book before getting swarmed by a group of other students to ask him something. it's a realization that he's no longer the person he once was. he's become the person he always longed to be—someone who's finally in the process of grasping the knowledge he had always sought.

your smile faded. now that he's reached his place, where were you? your goals had never been clear, and that was something Alhaitham couldn’t stand. perhaps it was because your goal always involved him. you dreamed of building a future together, but your paths never seemed to align, and in the end, you watched your ideal future crumble as you saw him achieve his. in order to achieve one's goal, the other one must be sacrificed in order to meet the requirements. of course, he never knew what your goal was, that's why you gave it up, so he could reach his. now that he reached it, he seems satisfied and that made you happy, that's all it matters.

despite the people abandoned the idea of having a god, you still held to the belief of the god of wisdom. even if your prayers go unheard, you vowed that no matter how long it takes— you’d shout your love to the heavens, just to say you’d always welcome him back if ever he decides to be with you again, because he’ll forever be your favorite prayer.

with each step you took away from each other, your heart grew heavier. It's been aching for him ever since. you can't deny you still love him, if only time hadn't been so cruel. both of you pushed yourselves to excel academically, achieving so much, but at the cost of your relationship. and in every tightness of your pain, you could never find the words to reach out to him. he's far away, and you're barely reaching him. your palm could never reach him the way you used to. your heart can't be changed because no matter what— the heart's prayer is always for him.

time surely teared you both apart— that's just how it is.

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a/n: hello guys! another angst <3 enjoyyy

this isn't proofread, so plz bear with meeeee

also, again, english is not my first language, theres so much error i assume but please enjoy.

Should i make alhaitham pov?^^

8 years. 8 whole years had past ever since you and Diluc are bestfriends. Almost a decade filled with precious memories of each other.

Those whole eight years, you were there to witness his growth. From Highschool to now, where the both of you are now working. It wasn't that long for you to notice your feelings because you're aware of the feeling. At first, you brushed it off, but the symptoms persists– making you give in and accept that you developed feelings for your best friend. It was the 2nd year of your friendship with him! And now, it's been 6 years and counting that you still can't let go of the feeling. Unfortunately, fate wasn't on your side, no matter how long the two of you had been with each other's back– he'll never fall in love with you, leaving you one-sided.

It is a tough pill to swallow, but you persist to swallow the pills without water and throat dry. You were aware how it'll hurt. Pushing your feelings aside, showing him support was your priority, he is your priority. You'd just had to be there– in every way possible, in every phases he went and the times where he showed you his vulnerabilities.

His inability to express his real feelings for the person he liked? You were there. His denial towards his feelings? You were there. His confession? You were there. And him finally being in a relationship? Yes, you were there and gave them the full support they needed. And finally, his heartbreak? Yes. You were there. Because no matter how much pain it causes you, you'll never leave him alone.

Before, flirting was normal between the two of you. It showed that he's very comfortable with you and you were comfortable with him. Not until he met someone whom he developed feelings for. When you learned about it, all hopes were crushed. You didn't have any choice but to.. Help him be with her.

The time when he finally entered a relationship, it was as if your world broke down. You kept your distance and displayed support and a smile. Deep down, you were dirty to hope for them to separate. Countless nights you've spent your time studying, studying, and studying to keep yourself distracted. Alas, you can't help but cry from the overwhelming pressure of not getting chosen. Were you even an option at all?

And the day they broke up, you were the first one he called. You gave your all to comfort him– he talked about her as if she's his whole world and you knew.. He'll never be like this to you. Diluc was never like this, Diluc was.. not like him at all and that's what love do to you.

Throughout work life, life goes on and your love for him.. Did not changed at all. You two kept contacts and were stillvery close, your friendships a miracle! Tracking the longevity of your friendship gave you hope that maybe someday you'd be his choice. His persistent mixed signals contributed to your growing hope– such as having quite an intimate time without the two of you realizing, sleeping in the same bed, his touch, his words of affirmation at everything you do. You thought you had a place in his heart romantically. Not until, he drank with his other friends. Unusual because.. He does not drink. His friends called you to pick him up in which you did.

Once picking him up and driving him home, the stench of booze reeks, it was so weird. Was it peer pressure? No, Diluc wasn't someone to follow such trends or pick up a social circle's bad habits just for the sake of social acceptance, in fact he's disliked that the most! Then why did he do something he swore he'll never try doing?

Right. You heard him whisper, the same way he whisper such sweet words you hear at most times– he whispered her name. His ex– despite breaking up years ago, he even showed relief as if he had moved on but it turns out that he still couldn't move on. Amidst all mixed signals he showed you, everything that was just normal between the two of you that you assumed it having a deeper meaning behind it turns out to be nothing but a joke. All hopes crushed again– in the end, you'll never.. Be a choice.

"Why not me?" You whispered as your voice broke, your eyes were dull staring at the sleeping red-headed figure in front of you.

Maybe.. It really is the time to stop hoping and move on. Stop hurting yourself.

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author's note:!! Hi guys! as usual, i should be doing something as i have demonstration and recitation and research tomorrow but here you guys go!!!! I was in a mood to write. this isnt proofread cuz idk idrc i hope u enjoy!nn

english!is!not!my!first!language! ty!!!

Your voice were as sweet as a honey glazed over a pastry, gentle as the wind that brushes off his skin, soft as the cold pillow that you used to sleep on. Your voice was all he could hear, it felt like as if you’re besides him– whispering affectionate words that brings him comfort.

Unfortunately, that was all he could remember. Your voice.

Uncountable rounds of canvas scattered around his room. Zhongli had long retired from his Godhood which means he takes a lot of hobbies to work on and one of them was painting. He spent most of his time working on his paintings after all, being immortal is a pain for him. A mere years can’t compare to the amount of time he had left, so he spent them in what humans would do. Drinking his favorite tea, listening to the storytellers in his city and doing multiple hobbies.

Painting was never a thing he could enjoy. It was all pain, despair and suffering. Multiple failed portraits in each canva, all of them had the same person in it. Which was you. Aside from your voice, he could remember your usual hairstyle that he loved the most, but that is all he could remember. All the portrait’s face were scribbled over, ruined and the others were ripped.

In despair, he slowly scratched the canva he’s currently working on. Same muse, but no face. The paint smudged, making the painting ruined. Tears fell on his face, lowering his head on defeat. He couldn’t even remember a small detail of your face, making him frustrated. He longed to rest, but he’s immortal. If only he could forget your whole existence to ease the pain as it’s worse to yearn for you yet can’t even remember your face, might as well forget you whole.

But a part of him wants to see your face once again, to appreciate every little detail once again. Despite hearing your sugary whispers, he had been slowly forgetting it, it is his biggest fear as it's the one of the only piece of you that he remembers. He wants to savour it more, to cherish it more but time had passed, he can't control it.

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hello guys !! just felt like doing Zhongli angst :3 i hope u guys like it!! it still has many errors but i will try to improve!! ^^

its 12:40 am rn and i got performance tmrw at school xd but oh well, zhongli angst it is!!!