C'est la vie

My initial reaction was 'who?' Had to look it up because i cant keep track of all these bigoted assholes. Oh yeah, the 'prove me wrong' guy. The 'woke mind virus guy' that makes rage bait content.

And I was like... okay. I can see him getting shot. That's a lot of blood, if that video is real. He's probably gonna die.

I said to my gf- "you know its probably unlikely, but what if the shooter was someone who thought he wasn't conservative enough?" And we laughed because that's so improbable, right?

So he dies.

I see people giving their respects. I also see people sharing quotes to prove how awful a person is. Both of those are acceptable responses to the death of a public figure- its better to be honest about the dead than pretend they did nothing wrong.

I, personally, dont believe he deserved to be shot. He did not live rent-free in my head enough to want him dead, and if anything I wanted him to just kind of fade away into obscurity. Shooting someone is how you make them a martyr.

And martyrs are convenient because they can't talk back or change their mind or become part of scandals.

This was not a fate I would have chosen for him.

At this point in the timeline, just after his death was announced but before the shooter was identified, it was clear that it was difficult to be perceived as neutral. You were either mourning him (good!) or you were not mourning him (bad!). Some of my friends were very crass, the memes were so tasteless and I laughed at them because I mean... come on- the guy that said that casualties were the price to pay for the freedom to bear arms getting killed by a really skilled shooter... I mean... live by the sword, Charlie.

I'm not above a good crab rave. We were waiting for it to happen to Trump for like a week. My crabs needed some air.

But most of them were posting quotes to show the reality of the man- not as a way to say he deserved this, but because he left behind a legacy of hatred that needed to be addressed.

And i watched people argue and argue and argue... and it's been half a week and they're still arguing on the appropriate way to handle a celebrity death. I am watching friendships end over a guy that none of us ever met.

"Dont you think it's wrong to celebrate someone's death?" I dont, actually! When my friend's abusive dad died, he went to the funeral just so he could make damn sure the fucker was dead. I dont have to justify how I handle death and dying- I lost four family members over the course of a year and I worked in a funeral-adjacent business from 2017-2021. I've seen grief take all forms.

Im not going to tell someone else what to do with their emotions.

I am unable to say this to the people ending friendships over it- that makes me a heartless bastard.

I wish he had not been shot. Now he is a martyr.

Concurrently with the various types of grieving and not grieving is the speculation of who the shooter was. I had given up hope on them being a far-right person.

So maybe it was a gun leftist. I know a few. Or a personal grudge. Maybe an inside-job. But I learned from past experiences that I dont say shit until I can verify the facts. I do not let that devil in.

I watched the rumors zero-in on transvestigating the out of focus blob and pointing out the small hands, the lack of adams apple, the feminine jaw. We're looking for a man or a woman dressed like a man or a transgender male.

I settle in for the likelihood that I will have to post the lgbtq suicide hotline list again. I ask myself the question I ask myself every time trans people are in the news for bad things: do the right-wingers post suicide hotlines when they get bad press or do they just bury it all deep?

I'm made aware of the two worlds.

I watched people in charge of my country call for the death of democrats. I barely qualify as a democrat- my state requires you to choose a party. But that doesnt matter because in the eyes of the people that write the laws- im a democrat. Im part of the party that shoots and kills people for speaking their mind. Im the woke mind virus thats killing the youth. Im a giant middle finger to god. Im an abomination to this earth. Im bringing out the downfall of society.

Wow. Democrats have a lot on their plates, I guess.

There was a moment, just before the shooter was turned in, where some rumor rag Facebook pages were claiming the shooter was Skye Valadez, a transgender musician from Utah. How desperate they were to claim the narrative first.

And i think that it worked.

Because when Tyler Robinson got turned in, even when we all collectively learned the word 'groyper' together as country and had to explain 'oWo' to our parents, the trans narrative lingered.

People were 'correcting' his pronouns in the comments to 'she' because that story stuck to the inside of their skulls like chewing gum. And then it was... he had a trans girlfriend, or he rented a room to a trans person, or he was secretly a gay boy furry.

They hate us... so much.

And im thinking about phrases like 'disinformation' and 'post truth' and 'rage bait.'

You know what? This is probably what Charlie Kirk would have wanted- for his death to ruin friendships and harden the right against those sinful blue-haired pronoun people.

There are now doxxing sites to report persons who are not mourning properly. People are losing their jobs for posting documented truths about a public figure whose whole shtick was loudly being mean to random people. Flags are at half-mast for a dude that believed in the Great Replacement Theory.

He's a martyr now.

His rhetoric is inescapable- both from the people who are mourning correctly and the ones who are pointing out that he kinda sucked as a human being.

"How can you be so cold? He was shot in front of his wife and kids!"

Thats horrible. It truly is. One might hope that his wife becomes a voice for unity, but I strongly doubt it. We'll see what happens.

And simply put- he was a malevolent stranger. If my response to his death is inappropriate, its because no one ever taught me the proper way to mourn someone that thought my piddly little existence is a social contagion.

I think its okay to refuse to mourn a person. I think its okay to feel nothing. I think its okay to look ahead with cold calculation and go 'shit.' I think its okay to make dark jokes. I think its okay to point to the reality of the person and say 'he was fucking awful.' I think its okay to say that the violence was too much. I think its okay to say you didnt agree with him but he didnt deserve to die the way he did. I even think its okay to say 'rest in peace,' even though i dont think he will.

But its not up to other people to tell you how to handle this situation.