ouchie...

i cant bear to see him anymore. when i do it makes my stomach churn, it makes my blood boil, it makes me want to rip my hair out. why did i do those things, why am i like that, why do i crave. i just want to be normal, i want to lead a normal life, i want to make friends and be happy. but it keeps coming back, i traumatized so many people and their loved ones, and i keep doing it, keep wanting to do it, why cant i just stop. i just want to stop.

i wish i could see inside your mind.. you wont talk much, i want to know whats going on. our interactions seem forced to me, almost mechanic and automatic, as if on demand. do you genuinely love me? or is there someone else?

ive thought about killing him. they said he annoys them. they said he makes them jealous and angry. they dont like him. i want to kill him. i dont want him to be the reason we get ruined. they hate him so he has to go. hes in the way.