I Just Am

Living the effects of my aunt’s inaction towards her brother’s sexual abuse of her and how it caused her son to catch the stray of her silence, that being the abuse of the children in the home, has taught me to speak up and standup no matter who tf it is in my family. She could’ve saved all of us by airing his shit out when I called the family meeting as a child. Generations sat in a circle because I wanted to know why my dad no longer lived in our home. I remember my mom saying she had something to say that would make everyone drop dead. There I was thinking I wasn’t my dad’s child and that’s why everyone that was nasty to me was doing that to me. If we love each other we should want to protect each other, to value each other’s feelings. To create safety and support especially when bad things happen. But I learned that’s not what family is. That’s just what I am. I get to create something new and anyone still lying and denying the truth cannot be a part of it. Because that is not love and I do not step into places that are without love.

Therapy went great today. I’m embarking on a new journey to integrate all of myselves. And that won’t even look like integration. It’ll probably just be me accepting my identities throughout the year as they present. Making room within headspace for all of me. I cannot change how we developed. I can change why we behave and allow that to blossom into self expression as the universe calls it to. Either way, I’m different 365 days a year. I everything all the time all at once, it’s just a matter of time for me to be known and by whom. Until then, I am enough. A rainbow with black and brown inside.

Mexico is ready for black Americans. I’m telling you. It’s time to leave this place and let them live without you. Genuinely. Let them hop to the next racial demographic while they figure it out. You’ve suffered for too long. You’ve gotta be brave enough to know you have human rights and advocate for it wherever you go. It has its own power. You cannot grow and change in an environment that is killing you. You deserve a better life. Start the process now to align yourself with something less than what this is. Nowhere is gonna be perfect, go to the spaces that at least have better human rights support and build from there.

That does not align with me. Thanks for the offer.