I'd hate to get personal again, but I've been doing some thinking. You all probably don't know, but in January of this year, my aunt passed away, two days before my birthday. She was like a mother, which for my formative years she was, babysitting me (which I have some of my earliest vivid memories) and to this day, I don't know what to think about it. It was so sudden, because even though she had leukemia, we all expected her to survive. In fact, she was supposed to be discharged in February. Unfortunately, a dose of platelets that John Hopkins gave her at their hospital clogged her system and gave her a heart attack, from which she had to be resuscitated from. Then, a week later (while she was still in a medically-induced coma) her liver failed, and it all went downhill from there. It was so sudden I don't know what to think about it, and I really probably never will. Probably the worst thing was that the last time I talked to her was when my mom and I came to her and her family's house (her husband is my uncle/mom's brother and the children are my cousins) to say goodbye. I really didn't think much of it because the last time I dealt with a close family death (specifically from lung cancer) was my grandfather 11 years ago, and even as a toddler, I sensed the pain and suffering he had in the final days of his life (we arrived in Lima the day before his passing). With this, I didn't, so I didn't think much of it at the time. I feel bad I didn't get a chance to truly say goodbye, and unfortunately I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. This year has been particularly tough for me; I got beat up by a kid in high school who didn't even know me, then he subsequently commuted suicide, this, and my grades aren't doing too well in some areas, mainly due to a lack of will to work hard; I have to much to think about, and plus I graduated from my Catholic school and got out in public school, and I haven't made very many friends. However, don't worry about me. What I urge you all to do is to tell your loved ones that you love them so, while you still have the chance, because I didn't get to. Quite literally, the hospital only let her family in while she was beginning to pass away. However, I'm glad she did not die in pain. Other people like soldiers don't die surrounded by family like she did; they get their legs blown off and they bleed to death; they feel it all, those last few grim and bleak moments of life. But anyway, the one thing I wish for the most is if I could tell my aunt that I loved her, and I've though about her every single day since that frigid, snowy day of January 26, two days before my birthday... If you follow me on YouTube or Instagram, this is why I haven't posted since. I have to do work, and now I have to live with the guilt that I never got to say goodbye. It's easily the worst feeling one could ever have in life, possibly even more than commuting a heinous crime. Another bad part is that whenever I try to forget, I can't, because my family keeps on bringing it up. I can't sleep because of it sometimes, and other times it's the first thing I think of in the morning. The worst part of dying isn't dying itself; it's the legacy, the repercussions that follow. Another thing is that this happened just two days before my birthday, and I have many memories during Christmas and my birthday of when she would take me to the toy store and let me pick something that I wanted. But now, I'm the only one stuck with just memories. They're gone now. Not the toys, I still have them, many in-fact, which adds to the gut feeling. If I could compare it, it would be something like the legacy of Satoru Iwata. He was definitely not the first person you would think of if you thought Nintendo, but he did so much, that you only realized it after he was gone. The exact same thing applies to my story, and how people are still talking about him months after he succumbed to a bile duct tumor, so is my family. It's a hard life, and be grateful for who you have in life, because you won't truly appreciate their company until after they are gone...
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