life from behind the lens

"Vanessa!" Jenny gasped as she almost collided with her. After reading that gossip blast she had gone looking for her, mostly to check that she was okay, but also to confirm if the info had been correct. Surely not! Chuck Bass was deplorable and Jenny wouldn't let him touch her with a ten foot pole, so surely Vanessa had just as much sense. "Are you okay?"

"Jenny!" Vanessa let out a breath of relief without thinking too hard about it. She was glad to see a friendly face but it was slowly dawning on her that Jenny was about to be very disappointed in her. Not the role reversal Vanessa had expected so soon. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just... I don't know, I just wanted to get away from the crowd for a minute. I can't figure out which one of these rooms are empty and normal. Wouldn't be surprised if this door led to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory at this point."

chuck rolled her eyes at her dramatics "that wasn't what you were saying the last time" she didn't need to be stubborn since gossip girl had dropped the news "there's nothing wrong with having a good time, vanessa. relax. have you seen the people around here? no one around here is giving a shit"

"shut up, chuck," vanessa huffed. he might have been the single most frustrating person she had ever met. had the misfortune of knowing. "i don't want to hear it. that's just great, thank you. thank you so much." vanessa couldn't stand him... but she knew this wasn't about him. deep down, if she was being really honest, it had nothing to do with chuck. it was about dan, it was always about dan. "look, why don't you go and not give a shit about someone else. blair, for example."

Dan wasn't angry with Vanessa. He felt weird that he had to find out about her life on Gossip Girl. He got why she might not want to tell him, he wasn't exactly Chuck's biggest fan, and he was judgmental. They both knew it, but he wouldn't judge her. At least not too harshly.

Vanessa wanted to laugh as he flashed her that ridiculous grin but she just couldn't. She was happy living in denial. Hadn't she done a great job of it? Hadn't she done everything she could to support and embrace Dan's then-new life? Serena, Nate. All of it.

Dan didn't often read Gossip Girl, but when his name got mentioned, he found out. He had gotten a couple of messages from people about it. He wanted to find Vanessa, just to talk to her. He was lost in this house, he had managed to find his way to a library and a room full of paintings. Rich people.

Could this night get any worse? Vanessa would have kept going if she could but there was Dan. Solid, sarcastic and standing by to... to... Okay, no. Gossip Girl wasn't right. Vanessa didn't want anyone to know what had happened with Chuck, it was a major lapse in judgement and it would never happen again. She didn't want anyone to know, that just so happened to include Dan. But as she looked up at him, she realised her heart had dropped into her shoes. She didn't want to know if he cared because Gossip Girl was right - it would be worse if he didn't. Vanessa didn't want to think about what that meant. She wanted to run.

chuck was being chuck. living his best life damn the consequences. a drink was in his hand, the party was raging and gossip girl had just aired out vanessa abram's and his night together. ah yes, this was the life.

of course it was chuck bass. was there any corner in this whole damn city that she could turn and not run into chuck bass? vanessa was instantly annoyed, pressing her lips together to stop from screaming. the last the thing she needed right now was to see his shit eating grin in full 4DX. "i'd rather die, thanks."

"they're not all models. some are event organisers, designers, photographers, accountants, one plays the harp for the new york philharmonic. we're not all just pretty faces, we all have multiple things going on" agnes shook her head "no regrets to a night out. there are headaches, but never regrets"

vanessa had to bite her tongue to contain any further judgement. it was something she was still working on and it only got harder the more she was lumped in the world of the 'scandalous elite'. "i'll bet. sounds like there's no way you could ever be in for a boring night, then. okay, that's a good one. you should get that printed on t-shirts - another side hustle for you."

"it's going good, i've been running the press events and helping the pr stuff with the new york jets so that's been fun and i've had what feels like never ending parties. it keeps me busy" jess smiled and nodded "i did, i've expanded the company into new offices and hired some additional staff members."

"you have? that's so cool. i- wait... does that mean you know when spencer king is going to be back on the field? or have you had to sign a bunch of nda's?" vanessa half joked. she listened to jessica intently though, following her success and control she had over her business carefully. "wow, it sounds like everything's taking off. congratulations again."

"no, that won't be necessary. they will get bored eventually and leave and at with the more photos they take at least they're getting shots of the event and promoting it" sometimes battles with paparazzi was accepting the lesser of two evils "that is exciting, vanessa. you should be proud. i've always loved your work" she smiled "i'm here to support local and new designers. it feels like a worth cause to show up for"

"that is a very reasonable way of looking at it." serena always managed to surprise her, even after all this time. vanessa couldn't help smiling, laughing a little at her compliments. serena van der woodsen - the easiest person in the world to fall in love with. sunshine in a bottle. "you're so sweet, serena. thank you for saying that, i really appreciate it. i'll remember that for next time i'm in a total creative spiral and hate everything i've shot. yeah, absolutely. i mean, exactly. everyone has to start somewhere."

she smiled in their hug, giving her an extra squeeze. "you're right, i'll be sticking around for a while at least. i'll try to catch up with family, i've got some bridges to rebuild" she admitted "course i remember that, you were so talented back then. i assume you've only gotten better since the last time i saw your work. i've been good, out living life and working. if i'm being honest, new york wasn't on the cards for me to return home but the job opportunities were great and i get a chance to see you and the others again"

"that's amazing news, elena. this sure is some unofficial welcome back for you, huh? right, of course... well, for what it's worth, i've never known anyone with a bigger heart than nate archibald. and i say that begrudgingly, you know i was determined not to like him back when we first met. you'll both be okay." vanessa let out a laugh, looking down at her feet at elena's continued compliments. she so had to chill. "thank you, i try to keep moving forward with it. the stars have just aligned, i guess. lucky me- i mean, lucky... all of us, having you back. do you want a drink or something?"

she looked over to the photographer, it was vanessa, right? yeah, it was vanessa. she remembered serena and a few others talking to her before "what can i say, we all like to have a night out. my friends just convince me to join fashion shows when we're out"

"i guess that makes sense if you're friends are all models too," vanessa mused. she could only imagine what a 'night out' looked like for her inner circle. "no regrets, then?"

serena looked up from her spot and smiled at the arrival of vanessa. she moved her bag out of the way and gestured for her to take a seat "it wasn't by choice. are you the photographer for this event?" there were cameras flashing around them but there was only one photographer serena was interested in talking to.

vanessa took the seat that serena offered her - why not, right? she could stay a little longer. "yeah, i can imagine. just let me know if you want me to yell over here for security. only behind the scenes shots, it's for the company's socials. nothing too exciting," she half shrugged. "how about you? just here to support?"

"If you say so. Every line of red is also a stab to my heart and kills my creative spirit. You will get at least one dedication, don't worry. I think it will say best friend, inspiration, and my second biggest hater." Dan smiled at Vanessa. She was probably his most honest friend. None of her suggestions had ever led him wrong before. "You know Dad, if you show up around breakfast, he will start cooking."

"Be a phoenix, Humphrey. Rise from the ashes of the red ink and write a better draft. Aw, wow. That's really so sweet, I think there might be a tear in my eye," Vanessa teased. There was no doubt in her mind that Dan's writing would take him wherever he wanted to go. He was brilliant and talented, there was no other path for him. "Hey, second biggest hater or not... You know I believe in you, always. And that is one of the many things that I love about Rufus. You could say I was his second biggest lover-," she stopped, scrunching her nose- "Actually, scratch that. Gross. I'll definitely see you both for breakfast, though."

"you got it, i'll be the best teacher around for you. you deserve all the credit and recognition for your photos."

"thank you, jessica. that means a lot coming from you. how is everything going with your company? you moved into a new space recently, right?"

"vanessa, hi!" she beamed, giving her a hug "in all honesty, i didn't either. i have jobs lined up back in the city and juliette let me know about the party. how have you been? are you still doing your photography?"

"hi," she laughed as elena pulled her into a hug. "well, it's a welcome surprise then. does that mean you'll be sticking around for a while? i've been great, thank you. i- yeah, you remember that? i am still doing my photography wherever and whenever i can between work and classes. how have you been? i saw your last instagram posts, you looked stunning."