hunting for pearls

i think the thought loop is going to save me this time

need him doing something terrible and violent and feeling sick with himself after

If things are going bad in your life the most important thing you can do is fixate on a era of your life you can never return to. It is really important to romanticize it and remember it so incorrectly that it’s more of a false idol for worship than a memory. No one has ever successfully returned to the idealized past but you will be the first to succeed. You will succeed you simply must recreate a false and limping facsimile of who you were back then. You must ignore your beautiful opportunities to live your present life. It is important to unbury a peaceful corpse and climb inside it. I promise it will feel just as good as you remember.