Indie OC rp blog. Private and highly selective, queue heavy, slow to moderate activity. Sci-fi based, multi-verse, multi-ship. Penned by Saturn (she/her) 30+, heavy/mature themes present, minors do not enter.
Frequent themes discussed: PTSD, survivor's guilt, chronic pain, nature as therapy, body image issues, becoming who you are.
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RINGTONE:Â Shameless - Camila Cabello. Purely because Logan had the nerve to be soft, sweet and obedient, then still make Lucien want him like he had no self-control whatsoever.
PICTURE:Â
LAST TEXT RECEIVED:Â I didnât sleep much without you.
LAST TEXT SENT:Â I know, sweetheart. Iâll be back soon. Try and rest for me, yeah? Youâve been good. Let me take care of the rest. xox
He smirks, faintly, as he remembers those days of transition, of realisation - where his annoyance of Logan's presence slowly turned into appreciation. "Of course. Even when I was still angry, I noticed how attractive you were," he grins, unabashed. "How could I not? I have eyes," he teases.
His expression softens at Logan's heartfelt admittance, and he can't help but press another soft kiss to the top of his head, his cheek, and the curve of his ear - anywhere he can reach without disturbing their comfortable positioning. "I'm thankful for you too, truly. I did not think I would ever have something like...this."
A huff escapes him as Logan leans away from his wandering hands and lips, but he is quickly placated by the strawberry that's brought to his lips. Perfectly ripe, a single drop of red juice drips down his bottom lip and onto his chin, disappearing into the dark stubble there. "Mmm, delicious," he hums. "Another?"
Logan snorts at Cen's forwardness and he sneaks a sidelong glance with a wicked grin. "So do I." But the memory of that anger, and how Logan managed to at least work around it, even if sometimes it didn't work out that well, he tried so hard to make things amicable. And look where they are now. In a gorgeous orchard the King owns, having a picnic with said monarch, kissing him, touching him, holding him, loving him.
What a world to live in.
"Really?" Logan asks, genuinely curious why Cenred didn't think of himself as a man who could have whatever he wanted when it came to love. But then again, as he thinks it over, the thought sends a shiver up his spine, not wholly unpleasant but it wasn't a great feeling either. Perhaps he just answered his own question as he arches an eyebrow and pushes past the weight of it all. He didn't want to bring any of their time down with lead strapped to their ankles.
Mismatched eyes watch the crimson trail and he becomes much too bold for an early afternoon. A playful smirk as Logan reaches for another strawberry but leans in and sticks his tongue to the scratchy chin of his lover, gliding up to his lips, cleaning up the offending crimson from staining. Once he's at Cen's lips, he kisses him slowly, deeply, to taste the chocolate on his tongue. Only when he's done does he bring the next strawberry to the King's lips, a devilish glint in his eyes.
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As they head back towards the door, she carefully keeps her expression soft, neutral - hiding the inordinate amount of relief that was coursing through her. Naturally, she feels responsible for Logan's safety...but, also, she's grown more than a little attached to him during his stay in the hospital. Some patients she bonds with more than others, yet this time seems different, stronger.
"Alright. I'll just see you get settled back into your room then," she suggests the compromise, a hint of a smile playing on her lips as she glances down at their joint hands. She's careful with the amount of her power she sends into him, not wishing to arouse suspision, but there's still a small trickle of warmth - just enough to alleviate some of his pain, and to aid in the healing process. When they're back on to the floor of the ward, it's with reluctance that she gently squeezes their joint hands and then pulls her arm free. "Is there anything I can get you?" she offers, as they approach his room.
The compromise is good, cause he knows she aught to go home and get some rest. He couldn't imagine working as a nurse or doctor, he simply didn't have the stamina for such long hours. But then again, what did that say about a man used to hunting humans on missions days or even weeks long out in the harsh wilderness? He smirks imperceptibly to himself with a shake of his head at where his thoughts had wandered and soon enough, or too soon, she lets go of his hand with a soft squeeze once they emerge from the stairwell.
He misses it instantly, and the sudden warmth that seems to cut itself off when she lets go. He knows he's just tired, surely he's imagining that warmth, but it had become a bit of a comfort of late to experience whenever Kiara was near. When she asks him if he wants anything while they meander back to his room, he can't think of anything off the bat. "Do you read? What's your favorite book?" He'd been introduced to reading since recovery had him staying here for an extended period of time, and he was in need of a new read. He knows it's unorthodox, but maybe he could find it on his kindle or through the library.
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@vallorouslly bared their pretty throat :
[ LAVENDER ] sender lays their head in receiver's lap and closes their eyes.
âCome here, sunshine.â
Aftercare was important, even if Lucien refused to make a speech about it. The room was warm, curtains drawn, restraints already tossed aside with very little ceremony and a glass of water placed within reach because Logan had a habit of forgetting he possessed a body after a session. ( Sweet thing. Completely gone when he wanted to be, and somehow surprised when Lucien noticed. ) Typical, really. Give him a bit of intensity and suddenly common sense wandered off to find someone less dramatic. The scent of lavender oil lingered on his hands, soothing enough, though heâd never say that aloud unless tortured and even then heâd lie for sport.
âThere you go.â
Loganâs head settled in his lap and Lucien looked down at him with quiet amusement, fingers sliding into his hair almost automatically. It wasnât often he allowed someone to fold into him so easily, but Logan had worked his way into that rare little category of exceptions through sheer persistence and a truly ridiculous amount of affection.( Huh. Look at him. Peaceful for once. Wonders never bloody ceased. ) Eyes closed, breathing slowing, all that sunny nonsense finally dimming into something softer. His thumb brushed near Loganâs temple, slow and careful, checking him over without making the whole thing obvious enough to be accused of fussing.
âWater in a minute, love. Donât argue with me, youâll lose.â
The words were light, though there was little room for debate in them. Aftercare wasnât optional, especially after Logan had trusted him with that much of himself. Lucien had never been careless with trust once it was placed properly in his hands, however much his mouth tried to convince the world otherwise. ( Purlease. He had standards. If he was going to be tender, he could at least be stylish about it. ) A blanket was drawn over Loganâs shoulders, tucked enough to keep him warm without making the whole thing feel like some dreary little hospital routine. Fingers returned to Loganâs hair as if they had merely paused, smoothing through it with the same steady rhythm.
âYou did well.â
Praise was given without fuss, because Logan needed to hear it and Lucien was not so stubborn that he would withhold something that mattered. Well. Not always. He had his moments.( There was something satisfying about it, though Lucien would rather choke than make it sound precious. ) Blue eyes remained lowered, watching the shift of Loganâs breathing, the faint colour in his face, the way he seemed content to stay exactly where he was. He liked knowing Logan could come back to him like this, trusting him enough to be the hands afterwards alongside the voice during.
âVery well, actually. Annoyingly so. Keep behaving and Iâll become impossible to live with.â
A faint grin followed as his fingers moved lazily through Loganâs hair again, warmth settling into the space between them. The session had taken plenty out of him, that much was obvious, and Logan being quiet was always a sign worth paying attention to.( Good. About time the little menace let someone else do the work. ) Usually he filled space with light, jokes, touch, anything to keep the world from noticing where he hurt. Now he was simply there, head in Lucienâs lap, eyes closed, letting himself be looked after without turning it into a performance. Lucien leaned back, one hand still in his hair while the other reached for the water.
âSip.â
A pause.
âThat was an order, before you try making it cute.â
Her touch is gentle, and she is careful not to jostle his injury as she examines his hand. The wound is still oozing slightly, but the skin is pink and healthy, and she's confident there is not yet any sign of infection. "It is nice to meet you, Logan," she glances up from his palm to offer him a friendly smile. "Although I'm sorry about the circumstances of our meeting."
She moves away for a moment, opening cupboards and drawers to gather supplies with the rapid efficiency of one entirely familiar and at ease with her surroundings: although she was new to this practice, each doctor's office was very similar to each others. "You're lucky, I don't think you're going to need stitches. I'm going to clean the wound and bandage it again, you'll need to keep it clean and dry for a couple of days," she explains, as she pours a generous amount of antiseptic liquid onto a cotton pad.
"Sorry, this might sting a little," she warns, as she begins to swipe the cotton pad over the wound. But, as her fingertips touch his skin, she allows just enough of her healing powers to flow through into him to dull the pain.
She'll be easy to watch over time, she'll be easy to keep track of in all honesty for this contract. Eyes wander lazily over her motions through the room, how at ease she is and how familiar. It must feel good, having that comfort with what you do with your life. Not like his, where he has to adapt to each contract depending on what he's hunting. Witches, though, well, they weren't as common as other beings were. Vampires were easy, relatively speaking, werewolves not too bad either. But he hasn't hunted a witch in a long time.
Not saying he can't do it, but he can definitely hone in a craft for it. She'll give him ample practice. As long as he can stay objective.
"It's nice to meet you too. Always good to meet the new doctor in town." Which he meant, really, the cycle was always intimidating to adapt to a new caregiver, but he's so used to hospitals it's really second nature for him, in an odd manner of speaking. He shrugs at her comment of wishing it were under different circumstances and waves her away with his uninjured hand. "Nah, it's fine. At least I'm not the dumbass losing fingers to fireworks, right?"
Listening to her verdict of what she wants him to do, he pays attention to her gentle care, using the tools at her disposal. So Kiara doesn't seem to lean wholly on her magic, a new kind of tactic for a healing witch. Not uncommon but a bit more unconventional, at least. "I've got a high pain tolerance." He murmurs, eyes dropping from her face to his hand held in her own, the cotton swab dipping into his torn flesh and alighting a sting that abates too quickly that he knows it's not his body doing it. Using magic and tools in tandem, easy to spot. "What made you want to become a doctor?" Something genuine thrown in there, glancing up at her.
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Given some of the people I write with are pretty spot on when it comes to Logan and some of his quirks and things that are good to know but not as easy to see, I figured I'd explain some of the more uncommon red flags for him, things that can easily be missed or overlooked.
These are serious situations, not just every day things, though they can bleed into every day should he be coming up on an episode or stint where he just can't shake shit off.
While Logan can be described as a man of few words or someone who is rather calculated with the ones he does speak, when he goes silent is when he aught to be checked in on. He was silent the most during recovery in the hospital, when he was holding everything back from those around him. When he felt like he had no right to ask for help through the rebuilding of his world. His niece and nephew were the first people to notice this and try to help him from receding into himself. When he's silent, he's either in mental anguish, physical pain, or lapsing into memories and wanting them to be real again, where he will mildly dissociate from the life he has now.
Silence, for him, is an ever present threat, a very real marker of his total trauma. After he woke up in the hospital from his coma, after he had to hear that nobody was with him, stuck in the neck brace for his own protection, stuck with the horrific pain that meds just couldn't touch, and being told that he was out of a job even though he desperately still wanted to serve his country because it's all he's ever known, silence was his only companion through it all. For better or worse. Silence is never ending grief, pain, and in a way, an odd comfort even if it makes him feel so unbearably lonely. But silence is also one of the bigger tells of his pain, any kind of pain.
The days where he has full body flares, he will not communicate with people. He doesn't want anyone to see him that way, not when he cries at the barest movement, not when he has to have his cane to get up and go to the bathroom, if he even can get up through the day. He won't eat, he won't drink, he'll often times just sleep and dream, or have nightmares and wake up crying and fall into the cycle all over again while he waits out the endless hours. If he can get up and have some sort of movement, he'll use his cane, and he'll be quieter than normal. He won't engage much in conversation, he just endures it to try and be strong when he feels like he's breaking to pieces.
Drinking is a big red flag. Not one or two drinks for social situations, but drinking in excess, especially when he's alone, which is relatively rare but dangerous. Some of the meds he takes shouldn't be mixed with alcohol, but there are times where he seeks it out as a sleep aid. To make the pain and nightmares white out, to make everything blurry and unsteady. When Logan is drunk, he's an affectionate drunk, and he is typically more slow and easily tired out when he drinks, so when he does this, it is with high intent to just drink until he passes out. When he drinks, he finds he doesn't have nightmares, or at least they are nowhere near as potent as they are when he's not, and this is a dangerous thing for him to fall back on when he is triggered. Because that is when it happens, if he's overwhelmed by the PTSD, when he goes out and gets a case of beer or whatever his drink of choice is at the time, goes home, and flops on the couch with it and limited amounts of food or an obscene amount of sweets, and drinks. This is also when he will blatantly ignore texts or calls, or ghost people he would never normally do that to, which is a tell in and of itself.
He has been caught doing this by his military friends before, and they really helped get him back out of it or at least let him drink with careful supervision and rationing, and food, plenty of food and water to dull it all out. His dad has caught him doing it once and it led to a rather emotional moment between the two that they keep to themselves. Logan doesn't want his mom seeing him like that, only his friends, his dad and his sisters have ever caught him during one of those instances and he's grateful for it.
One of the following mornings that he woke up from a drinking binge, he was on the couch holding his grandfather's encased flag to his chest. He's never spoken about that to anyone before and he never intends to. To him, it just shows how broken he is.