Sometimes It Takes A Man To Be Best Girl

“i’m really attracted to this woman, but I’m not gay” OK, do you want to affirm your identity, or do you want to explore a new life experience?

“when I feel safe with this person, sometimes I wanna submit to them, but I can’t because I’m a dom” OK do you want to rigidly conform to that label or do you want to let yourself feel safe and taken care of?”

“i’m a bottom but i really want to top this one person” do i need to go on?

For scale reference, Eris is a pretty small hen, around 7lbs. Her spurs are less than an inch long. She's normally fine to walk around, I can go pick her up off the perch, I give her smooches at night, I can handle her babies.

Last week, while I was refreshing wading bins with cool water for them, Eris decided dumping a bin was an intolerable act of aggression toward her, and she flogged me. Now, regardless of what I'm doing in the pen, I always have at least some of my attention on the birds. So while I didn't expect to be attacked, I saw it coming in time to get a knee up as she jumped.

She still GOT me, but the 1/2" puncture wound was in thigh flesh, not my face.

The thing is, this wasn't even a full power blow because she was thrown off by my interception. But it's enough that a week later I still have a roughly 3" bruise around a puncture wound she gave me through my jeans.

Yes, she did that through my jeans!!

Now imagine that same attack from a 10-12lb male, with spurs over an inch long and much sharper than a hen's, and imagine that he means it, WILL give it his full power every time he's able to, and it will be his life's mission to stalk you until you let your guard down and he can get you. It is unfortunately the reality people have to live with when they raise these birds incorrectly, and hand raise males.

THAT is why you do not snuggle male peachicks.

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

like not only to download everything we've ever made WITHOUT duplicates!!! (and what even counts as a duplicate? translations, international releases, newer versions of something edited to reflect recent discoveries, every version of star wars that George Lucas ever crafted...) BUT to then make them accessible and browsable to the astronauts? To tag them with search terms? Organize a digital library that the team can peruse???

Like, you can point an algorithm at something and say, "copy everything in that folder," no problem! But then to do the same with hundreds, thousands, millions of folders, and then still end up with a result that's navigable? Genuinely unimaginable to me!! It would have literally had to have been its own entire branch of Project Hail Mary.

I'm having a disagreement with my family, and it's turning into a whole Thing, so I turn to you, the fine people of tumblr