Uncontrollable Validity

It is amazing, the relief I feel when talking to you. It's like putting down this burden I didn't know I was carrying. The same feeling when you're cold and unconsciously hunch your shoulders to stay warm as possible. It's not until you finally get warm that you realize how much tension there was. I knew I missed you but this is the first time we've talked for more than 20-30 minutes in several weeks. I had no idea how much pain and tension that was causing until I could let it go. I didn't need to talk about all the crazy things I've been thinking, I knew they weren't true. I just need you. It sounds like you may have been feeling the same. I was absolutely serious about not having doubts. Yes, there are scenarios I imagine but it's never you. I love you, unconditionally. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and that thought doesn't really scare me. It kind of does but knowing you'll be there with me the whole time makes everything better. I'm not scared or have doubts about you but myself. I didn't think I would ever feel this way, I didn't know it was really possible. What scars me most is loosing what we have now but fear of loss is absolutely no reason not to try. I promise to give you everything I have. I want to be the best person possible for myself and for you. I am so glad we have this trip coming up. For the obvious reasons of seeing you and traveling and traveling with you. But more than that, I think this trip is crucial for us making it to September. I can't imagine how I would feel if I couldn't see you until September. Not once?! That would be terrible, my brain would be going even more crazy than it is now. I don't have to worry about that because I'll see you in a little over 50 days, but I do have to say how grateful I am. I'm grateful you are able to follow your dreams, grateful you want to come back to me, that you want me at all. I'm grateful for this challenge between us, if we can make it 7 months after knowing each other for only 4, we can do anything. I'm grateful to start traveling with you, grateful to be going to Thailand. I'm grateful to get to spend two weeks with you and only you, when else will we have that much time together? I'm grateful to call you mine, grateful for every time you have and ever will tell me you love me.

Happy birthday my love Missing you quite terribly. Every time we talk I want to tell you how hard this is but can't bring myself to do so. I don't want you to feel responsible, you are but I don't want you to know. It's not that I can't make it, I definitely can...but I'm missing you. Feeling lost and sometimes abandoned even though I know it's not true. I don't think it would be fair to put that on you. So what do I say? That I'm doing okay, it is true...but just barely. As I said, I'll make it, we will make it but Please don't leave me like this again. It's too much, too long. I need you near me too much. I don't want to need you like this, it makes me feel stupid and helpless. But it's how I feel and I can't ignore those feelings. My only saving grace is it's you and no one else. I wonder if you're having the same struggle...I think you are but you know you're responsible. Anyway, happy birthday my love. I'll be with you again soon and won't ever let go.

Never loved anyone this way before. Would do anything, everything for you. Want you to be happy more than anything in the world. Love making you feel loved, best feeling in the world! Going to write you. Our life is just starting, it will be more amazing than imaginable! Never been so open, honest and comfortable with anyone before. Could just stare at you all day, you're beautiful eyes and handsome face. Normally would be nervous to be looked at but just feel beautiful with you. My love, my king, my everything💙

TBT

You say the most incredible things at unexpected yet perfect times. Don't know how you do it and don't even think you try or know the effect it has. Probably good that way. Absolutely love it. Love you! So much, it's ridiculous. You make everything better, brighter, possible. Saddest part; still getting to know you and love you more each day. That won't stop but "We'll make this work" Yes We have to We will We will You make me stronger