lola

about me ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

24 years old ❀

↝ mental health professional and msc student in psychology

↝ lana del rey and deftones enthusiast!

↝ lesbian femme with a gf of 6 years and a cat 🫶🏻

↝ i love crafts and art! including (but not limited to) painting, sketching, sewing, and collage making.

↝ sometimes the real world is scary to me and i am currently being assessed for neurodivergence. i also suspect EUPD or CPTSD but these are not formally diagnosed. tumblr is my safe space!

↝ i was groomed and assaulted as an adult in the workplace which has had a profound impact on my life. my posts may surround this sometimes, please feel free to unfollow/dni with my posts if this is a triggering topic.

↝ i am a huge believer in mental health advocacy work and improving the rights for anyone who is inpatient on psychiatric wards! lots of my work surrounds this 🤍

I have my own feelings about survivors who do engage with this type of content but that's another post. I do have empathy there... but primarily I feel concern for those survivors who engage with this content from a psychological standpoint.

Every survivor reacts differently to abuse so I cannot speak for others, but I personally find these themes purely disrespectful and upsetting. I would not be able to role play CNC, even with a safe partner who I am extremely comfortable with, due to the distress it would cause me and flashbacks.

On some level I believe they normalise misogyny and abusive dynamics, particularly on apps such as these with large fandom populations who are more likely to be on the neurodivergence spectrum. It's dangerous.

Censorship isn't the answer for of course. But I think more questions need go be asked.

breaking me down and building me up

i yearned for that instability in the shape of a father

someone to both hurt and comfort me

someone to hurt me the way i want to be

the instability i desire and crave

the need to be protected by someone

the need to lack all control

internalising violence

just to externalise it

how can i compartmentalise myself

take myself apart

to be vulnerable and naive

to remove myself from my body

just to rebuild and heal