I haven’t had nightmares in such a long time. They’re coming back

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I haven’t had nightmares in such a long time. They’re coming back

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I think it’s finally happened. I’ve become lactose intolerant 😞
I hope you never have to watch a loved one die on an ipad screen. I hope you never are give the choice between assisting in death and letting death do it’s thing. I hurt so much. I lost half of me.
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My mood as of late
I’ve taken Lexapro for 5 days and I feel horrible
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LET HIM SPEAK
I am freaking the fuck out

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As much as I’m hurting and i know this is ending, i want to talk to you. I’m so heartbroken I’m losing a part of me i didn’t know i had or would ever have
Why did you have to go and give me this pain that i didn’t know i could experience? I didn’t even know you. The one time we met, you were drunk. Not even she remembers. Neither of you did. Why is her pain very present in me?
I guess deep down inside me I always had feelings but i had refused to acknowledge them. And somehow for what ever reason i thought this was gonna work itself out? No. I didn’t think it would work itself out but i thought it would eventually blossom into something. But I was always going to lose something in the end, that was a fact. I just didn’t expect to lose like this and too care this much.
Welp. This now completely irrelevant. Those feelings? Gone in a snap. Thankful that I didn’t end up losing anything. I ended up gaining a tighter circle, and cutting those feelings and the one attached to them out of my life.
Belladonna of Sadness - Eiichi Yamamoto (1973)

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September 10, 2019. 5:46 am.
The day I without a doubt, most definitely lost complete and utter faith that there is a god in this world. Date and time I stopped believing in a creator, a kind, merciful, forgiving diety. Point in time that I realized, we’re all alone on a floating rock in space and all we have is each other. If there was one, all this wouldn’t happen and the world wouldn’t be such a dark place. I have extreme fear for admitting this in case there is such a thing. Maybe it was a long time coming. Maybe down the line I will have a revelation. But until then, should that time ever come, I’ve lost complete faith. Continue to be a good person and hug those around you a little tighter from now on.
I didn’t think the death of a stranger would hit me this hard. Maybe it’s because the relationship between the stranger and the acquaintance had similarities to mine. Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.