There's a certain breed of repressors online, the ones who are all "I want to be a girl, but I don't want to be trans."
They depress me, not because they're repressing. But because they just don't get it. They're surrounded by jerks who reinforce their repression too. It's an unending cycle of "I don't want to be trans" "that's okay, you can just be how you are. You can't be a girl, you should just live with it."
The harm this causes is irreparable. Their "friends" often don't think they're causing harm. Ultimately, this drives the repressing person into severe psychosis and depression, that is often pushed externally reflexively as jealousy to trans women through transphobia. Internalizing said transphobia causing even more harm.
This cycle only exists because being transgender is seen as an ideology, a life style, a choice. There's a hard set belief that it's purely just a leftist thing to be trans. And there's merit to that; generally, right-wing politics doesn't support the bodily autonomy to transition sex and gender. Traditionally, the core of American conservatism is based on heavy policing of the self and others for a "model society." The model "nuclear family" exists as a tenet to this, specifically the roles of men and women. In order for it to work, "man" and "woman" must be strictly enforced, and the roles must be understood. It's social engineering. The goal is to eradicate otherness for the creation of docility to the state. It's to ensure a stable working population that reproduces reliably. Bodily autonomy is otherness. Refusing the strict policing of gender is otherness. Removing your ability to reproduce, ironically in a system that also enforces eugenics, is also otherness.
But being transgender isn't an ideology. It isn't a lifestyle. A choice? It's up to the person. The only choice is whether to continue to suffer with a misaligned body or alleviate the problem to the best medical science can offer. Ultimately the best solution for dysphoria, and genuinely wanting to be the opposite sex is to become the opposite sex. And it's hard not to see such an absolute as anything other than political because it's such an involved medical process. Cisgender people cannot fathom there's no alternate solutions. But it's really suffer greatly, or suffer minimally in comparison. For the repressor, this reality is haunting. They either live in suffering, or be trans. And they've been conditioned to understand being trans is a dangerous ideology. But the harshest reality is trans repression is an even more harmful ideology. Especially if the reason is "not being a real girl" is presented as the reason to not pursue transition. The continuation of the conservative idea of gender policing and reproduction is that the lack of being able to reproduce is yet a sign they'll only be a "fake girl."
I will never have a fully functional female body. I have made peace with that. But the parts of my body that are now female are beautiful and I cherish the malleability of the human body. Though incomplete, and not all that I wish, this body is female. I don't need to be able to get pregnant for that to be the case. And I'm always going to be much much happier than the alternative. Larissa was, unfortunately, surrounded by people who were insistent she repressed. Obviously that didn't happen, and being told that starting hormones would've been bad only made the pain worse. And being ostracized by those people after starting them? It was honestly freeing.
Being transgender isn't an ideology, repression is. You're probably not reading this, but it's important you fully understand: You don't have to completely change your beliefs to completely change yourself and your body. You make your rules on who you are. You can just be a girl. You don't have to be the definition of "trans" you've created. If you truly believe it's an ideology, you can just not. You don't need to encapsulate yourself in trans spaces and culture. You don't have to magically become leftist. You can just be a girl. You might have to find spaces that tolerate you and your beliefs, because transitioning will alienate all those "friends" who want you to repress. But that's just life. You have to live. On your own terms. Ultimately, it's important that you stay alive. Even if it's not perfect or everything you want. You can still just be a girl, if you'd like to.
