a head cold in cool cotton on a summer’s day
you know you’ve grown when you realize it all works out
the same whether or not you stress about it in your head

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@vadg93
a head cold in cool cotton on a summer’s day
you know you’ve grown when you realize it all works out
the same whether or not you stress about it in your head

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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You grow older the illusions drop off. The quality of understanding grows more complex. The quality of thought grows more complex. The quality of feeling grows more complex. The wounds heal, you aren’t so caught up. You can step outside, achieve a degree of objectivity. The clarity you were incapable of comes at a price, maybe the price is surrendering the willingness to suspend disbelief and inhabit intoxications fleeting. Or the capacity to put aside the time to consensually play act, inhabit the dream. Now, the real world, chilled like a stiff drink. But life is still beautiful, maybe even more than before. You can be grateful for the simple opportunity, the peace of mind, to appreciate it.

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it isn’t friday
it isn’t friday. it isn’t knock-off. time is just a construct.
it isn’t happy hour drinks and thirsty thursdays and free drinks before 10 at the rooftop bar saturday night. the sun comes up then tumbles down, but the routine ways of living life don’t matter.
there’s just you and the ways you’ve learned to care for your body-mind instrument. there’s the things you need to do for yourself, to keep a smile on your face and a roof on your head, and then there’s the passion that sets you alight.
it isn’t hot or cold, the beach or trees aren’t calling. there is no instagram stories as you wonder what missing out you might be feeling. there’s the mind-chatter you learned by rote that doesn’t really exist, and then there’s real life. and you get to decide how to spend it. in that sense, it’s yours to spend. be wise.
Larry McMurtry on Neal Cassady:
“I think what I think is that too much has been written about Cassady already. He was obviously a great stimulus to Kerouac and Ginsberg and they responded to the stimulus by making him into a quasi-mythological figure. The Green Automobile and Visions of Cody are perhaps the best writing about Cassady. The rest – and there is a lot – is self-repetitious and considerably less inspired.
To me he seemed like a rather common Western type: the cowboy, roughneck, dozer driver or whatever who is enormously capable physically and has added to that capability random scraps of ill-absorbed education.
there are hundreds of such people about the west… they’re all a little crazy. They can do anything with a machine or an animal. They accumulate two or three wives and passels of kids and girlfriends. They run all over the place, drinking, fucking, fighting, talking interestingly at times and boringly at others.
Most of them don’t fall in with the literary crowd at Columbia of course”
And as I close my eyes And the sky turns red I realise just what you are You're an idler's dream And you're singing shang-ri-la
im going through the weirdest phase of my life to date

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Man is originally characterized by his search for meaning rather than his search for himself. The more he forgets himself—giving himself to a cause or another person—the more human he is. And the more he is immersed and absorbed in something or someone other than himself the more he really becomes himself.
Viktor Frankl (via michaelbogild)
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
— Viktor E. Frankl
When a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.
Viktor E. Frankl
Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment.
Viktor Frankl (via mythologyofblue)

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i really dont care i really just dont give a fuck. i really couldnt give five shits about anyhting in the news or anything anybody posts about on social media anymore everything i see is a reproduced headline anyway and i just give zero shits to me right now there is the screen reality right and then there’s the real life i live in, and i have my own fucking issues i am concentrating on outside of the fucking coronavirus or wah wah the politicans dont care about me NO FUCKING SHIT so who are all these people i’ve been letting into my life and fucking posturing for and letting see what i post and hoping they will like it. really, really, when it comes down to it none of them give two shits about me and would be willing to believe all the bad press about people like me and whatnot. Something is changing, it really is, and it’s probably changing within me because i am going to delete every fucking phone app on my phone and try to pick up knitting or something because i could give two shits about fake friends and disappearing like this is probably a pipe dream for someone of my era but i am sick of holding onto the baggage of who i was before so fucking suck mark zuckerbergs asshole
i dont really hate them lol...but...
i got blessed
to most people these days i have nothing to say -- evolution comes and you want to roll over and say “five more minutes” but human beings are made to evolve as mysterious universal powerful like a seed evolution in our DNA
--
i got blessed by john ibrahim at a quiz night one night and woke up a new person
it might not have been him and it wasn’t exactly the next day
but everything since then has been certainly strange
--
i think i just woke up i guess i just woke up
-- piecing together my mysterious night from the placement of my keys in the bag and the ATM receipts
even that’s an anachronism nowadays if i was to write a story about it
nothing real anymore no possibility of buying a train ticket for a stranger no address book no ticket stubs
then me disembodied via combination of 9.4 standard drinks and a gram of cocaine smiling out at me from the nightclub photograph i don’t remember posted on FacebookÂ
--
i want to create something big and beautiful the best, the most meaningful but you can’t create under those circumstance. you can’t...
--
my boss is like a ringmaster and we’re in the back singing and it’s the best fun. I’d rather be doing that then 4 pills deep on the dance floor i’d rather be doing that than cocaine but it’s a grind. always such a grind. --
and i know how to make it work. known this whole time. i need time and alone time. and i got to... schedule that in the diary and i got to shut my phone down and surrender and i’m in the kind of place now where i could just not ever have contact with people other than my cashier at the supermarket and be happy fulfilled and i got enough good supermarket cashier karma built up for them always to be a blessing but coincidentally at the same time overcommitted myself to fuck so ... when will the time come for me?
when will the time come for me?