thandohlOVE

Some mornings,

I wake and smell her in the air

She had no definite fragrance,

but I know it is she I smell.

I feel her touch,

so velvety and delicate

You see,

I have never been in between Egyptian sheets

               but I know her touch far exceeds 

                                that feeling.

Some mornings,

I hear her voice,

croaky and brittle,

          yet so full of love and comfort.

                      and

On other mornings,

I feel her lips on my back,

 You see,

Good morning kisses on my back are my favorite,

         I turn around to kiss her back,

                but she is not there,

then I remember she is not mine.

            she was never mine.

Mageba sthandwa sami

Bamba nas’isandla sami

Sichothoze kulendlela yothando

          Ungesabi ntombi emhlophe

Njengenyoni enophiko eluphukile

Eyahlangana nenye enentliziyo ephukile,

Zafunda ukucula ndawonye,

Uthando lwetho loba ingoma yabo bonke abalahlakelwe ithemba

Anginakho okuningi, kepha lokho akubaluelkile ngoba konke okomhlaba ngeke kulibone izulu,

Thatha nayi intliziyo yam,

Mina sengiyochaza kokhokho bami ukuthi eyami yathathwa uwena,

Ngala mazwi sthandwa sami ngakha ibhuloho elisuka entliziweni yami liya kweyakho.

Khona ngezinsuku lapho kunzima, ubona engathi umhlaba ukuflathele,

Sometimes, I am scared to sleep,

To close my eyes and dream.

See, I often fight unknown and the dead in my sleep.

Last night a shadow of a man I do not recognize stood at me bedroom door and I…

…I felt my soul trying to leave my body.

But I fought to my waking breath and stayed up until the morning.

You know, just in case he had not entirely left, or he decided to return.

Two nights before that, I saw my grandmother walking away from me.

I screamed until I lost my voice.

3 a.m., I could hear my sister calling from a distance, from the room next door

‘Tuh, Tuh, vuka, uphupha kabi!!’

A few minutes later I had fallen back asleep.

My grandmother had left.

I screamed and cried even louder.

Again, my sister is calling out from her room.

“TUH, Vuka!’

She is annoyed,

Another night and I had disturbed her in her sleep.

‘Kanti wena awuthandanzi yini mewuphupha kabi!’

Littles does she know, no amount of prayer helps when

I am fighting the dead and the unknown in my dreams,

Love is not a personification of God

It is a meeting with one

And I met God on 125th Lexington

I walked by God as she sort of smelt like happiness when I was 5

And that may not make sense to you

But if you remember your childhood

You would have smelled her too

She had legs like them broadway sidewalks

And skin like the Sun couldn't stop kissing her

I bet the Sun couldn't stop kissing her

I wouldn't stop kissing her if I could

God had a waist that sloped at perfection

And her breast stood at attention and parted these streams, but it seems obscene

But had you seen she, we would be having the same dream

Hanging off at the same seams on the same pillow that smelled of that sweet sleep

See, she says she doesn't lie often with love

But when it does, it reeks,

I guess that's why we always change the sheets.

With my heart secretly enticed

I kissed the venomous lips

My knees weakened by the soft stare

And a smart mouth with no filter

What about the sarcasm?

Secretly and cowardly,

My heart was enticed

I take no blame, for stolen waters are sweet

And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.

I am however, afraid to be

For it is a shame to even speak of those things which are done in secret

So I hide my love

I bury her so deep,

So that when the rains come and the dogs dig,

Her skull is not found.

The thing which was secretly bought to me,

And my heart blissfully received

Has been secretly eating away at me

On the surface I look brave,

But stolen moments are not a life.

With my eyes tightly closed

My breath closely held to my chest

I let my left foot peak out

Left is where my heart resides

And here I search for courage,

The courage to break free

I look to leave the box which I have been meticulously placed

By my blood, by friends, by religion, tradition, culture

But most importantly by myself

But fear once again take hold of me

She is stronger than my left foot

For, in all honesty,

I am terrified of the way the world treats those who break free.