Unbetitelt

I am a mirror. I am everything she could have been

And everything she should have been.

I am every scar she was, every mistake up to now she has made, every decision in life and every flaw she sees. I am her mirror. I am every love she has had, every hope she has and every dream that was taken forcefully from her. I am everything she wishes and everything she wants me to be.

I am a mirror.

I am a mirror of all the hate she unleashes,

All the poisonous words that spill from her.

But I am not her.

So, forgive me mother,

When I cannot take those words and bury them.

When the only thing I can do is engrave them in my heart

And spill a thousand tears.

I am her mirror.

I am everything she has ever told herself; I am everything she has yet to say. I am every unspoken thought, every unachievable desire, every heart wrenching experience she has been through.

I am my mother.

I am sorrow, I am agony, I am pain and every unfulfilled wish. I am all the dreams she wasn´t allowed to have. I am all the cold words and harsh things she says. I am all the hate that spills out from her. I am the loneliness and grief she has felt, all the agonizing things she has said and each and every devastating, heartbreaking regret, and remorse she has had.

I am my mother's words and thoughts, her goals and misery.

So please, forgive me when my words fail me, and I break down: Forgive me when I yell and shout. Forgive me when I beg and cry, forgive me when I fail to comply

And I shout vicious things,

Forgive me when I hate too loudly,

So, forgive me, because I am my mother.

Forgive me, for I am my mother.

And mother, forgive me.

For when I hurt you when I blurt out foul words

And I see that look on your face,

I see you and you see yourself once again,

The failed you, the lonely you, the hurt you, the version of you full of grief.

I hurt us both.

For you have given up everything for me, for you are not you anymore

And I am not me.