urgrandadsashes

ever since that morning at the hospital wing, where remus had finally admitted to you (and himself) about how he felt, there’d been an almost imperceptible shift in the marauders’ dynamic. neither of you told the other marauders what had occurred. you two hadn’t officially talked about it either. of course, there’d always been an obvious electricity between you and remus—that was evident to more than just the marauders—but this new development was subtle enough to fly over your friends’ heads. even peter, the most perceptive of all five of you, hadn’t been able to put a finger on it.

sirius pressed his palms to the table and pushed himself off his seat, leaning over his breakfast platee. he made a show of getting in remus’ face to examine his expression. “is there a reason you’re blushing, moony, my boy?” 

“i’m not blushing,” remus said, blushing.

“sure,” james said, stretching out his vowels sarcastically. “and you haven’t been playing footsie with thumper either, right?”

“yep. i mean, nope. wait-” you stammered, “-i mean, no, we have definitely not been ‘playing footsie’ or whatever. why are you guys so obsessed with what we’re doing anyway?” you stared at james pointedly. “i think you should mind your own business. maybe then you would’ve noticed the syrup on your shirt.”

james looked down. there was a growing spot of sticky maple syrup on the collar of his white button down, which he’d layered under a sweater. “damn it,” james muttered, rubbing at the stain and making it worse.

“just take off your shirt, james,” you chided, settling into your seat as you watched him struggle to neaten up.

“woah there, thumper. at least take me on a date first before you try and take my clothes off.”

you pursed your lips in an unsuccessful attempt to keep a straight face. james stuck his hands under his sweater and began fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. you felt a pair of arms drape over your shoulders and clasp together at your front. remus’ sighed in content, his breath tickling your ear.

your heart jumped and began to sputter to life with a little more enthusiasm than seemed dignified. you hoped remus couldn’t feel it.

“what are you doing?” you whispered, keeping your eyes fixed in front of you. you were scared that if you turned your head, remus’ face would be too close and you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from kissing him right then and there.

“can’t i hug you?” remus said, feigning confusion. “what, are friends not allowed to hug each other?”

“what are you doing?” sirius butted in loudly. “you’re being real touchy-feely with thumper…” sirius looked at peter knowingly.

peter huffed, all disgruntled. sirius was, to put it gently, not the most graceful matchmaker.

“what, are friends not allowed to hug each other?” you repeated remus’ earlier words, and the boy behind you tightened his arms around you approvingly. 

“fine, then why don’t you let me hug you like that?” james had his stained shirt tucked under his arm as he stood above you and remus, unconvinced.

“i mean, your arms are kind of busy at the moment,” you pointed out, referencing james’ shirt.. “don’t play coy,” james tutted. you were saved from answering by a shift in conversation. “anyway, i have to bring my shirt back to the common room. anyone wanna come?”

you and remus made no effort to move or offer your company.

“fine, i’ll come,” sirius said, standing from his seat like spending time with james was draining his life force. “i can’t believe you’re tearing me away from my best girl…” sirius grumbled. from the corner of his eye, he checked for any of remus’ tells. nothing. if anything, remus looked a bit smug.

“you’ll be fine for ten minutes,” james rolled his eyes, hitting the back of sirius’ head. james lowered his voice so only sirius could hear. “moony, on the other hand, looks like he’d shrivel up and die without her.”

“is it just me,” sirius murmured, “or are they more disgusting than usual?”

“nope, not just you,” james agreed. “at first i thought i’d caught a bug, but then i realized it was just a physical nauseated reaction to the two of their mutual pining bullshit.”

“godric, i’m just waiting for one of them to grow a pair and confess; put me out of my damn misery.”

--

for two of the brightest students in your year, it was laughable how inept your communication was. something had shifted between you and remus; that much was obvious. the facts were laid out, plain and simple, like playing cards facing upward. you loved remus. remus loved you. you would do anything for remus. remus would do anything for you.

so why was it so hard to pick up the damn cards?

your lives had quickly become intertwined and there was an unspoken agreement that the two of you belonged to each other, whatever that meant. this is to say, quite literally, as neither of you had clarified what that hospital room night actually meant for your relationship. your friends continued as they had before, dropping sly comments and encouraging either one of you in private, but if anything, with more vigor. you were hesitant to tell the girls about what happened at the hospital wing. nothing had really transpired, but it felt so intimate, like the sheen of a bubble that could be popped by the slightest shift in surface tension. remus made you feel comfortable and safe, but he kept you on edge too. there was nothing you feared more than losing him, and the unpredictability of his condition, rising tensions in the wizarding world, and volatility of a budding situationship did the opposite of give you the confidence to broach the conversation of “what are we?”

it should’ve been easy. it should’ve been obvious.

remus had become ambidextrous, writing with his left hand so he could hold yours with his right. you carried a little comb with you and would work out his bedhead at breakfast every morning. if remus got to breakfast earlier, he’d make your coffee exactly the way you liked it. if you beat him, you’d steep his tea with water at the correct temperature to pull all subtle flavors from the leaves. you may or may not have stayed after divination class to ask professor trelawney for tea brewing tips.

tonight, like countless others, remus was by your side like a shadow, whispering affections into your ear throughout the day and offering his warmth during quiet evenings in the common room. remus could listen to your voice, low and steady and hushed, spinning visual films with your words. it would’ve been so easy for him to fall asleep, grounded by your weight on his lap and the popping of logs and soft flipping of pages, but remus always fought sleep. he treasured these peaceful moments with you too much to lose a single minute to unconsciousness.

remus couldn’t recall a more beautiful sight than you backlit by the dying flames of the common room fireplace. he nuzzled his head further into the crook of your neck and chuckled quietly when he felt you shiver.

“rem?” you closed your book. you wrapped one of your hands around remus’ side and let the other find its way into his hair, where you dug your fingers into his roots with a loose fist.

remus hummed in acknowledgement.

“oh, are you sleepy?”

“no, no, i’m awake,” remus insisted, speaking into your neck. his lips, warm and familiar, brushed against your skin with the tenderness of a lover’s caress. 

“if you say so…” you sighed, more than happy to fall asleep with him cuddled up to you. “i believe you. i totally do.”

“thanks…” remus whispered, more so to himself than to you. “i love you.” his confession was breathless, muddled by the thick exhaustion in his voice, but you could understand well enough. there was a distance between you and him, a restraint from remus yet to dissolve, but in these intimate moments his barrier fell and he allowed himself to love you fully. you didn’t need the constant reassurance to know how remus felt. his hand on the small of your back, the massaging of your wrists after they’d cramped from writing an essay, and the seeking of your body in a sea of students during passing periods was enough.

it should’ve been easy, right? it should’ve been obvious. in a very un-gryffindor-like fashion, it seemed neither of you wanted to take the leap into labels… into commitment. 

there would be a right time, you promised yourself. and you’d wait for it patiently, because you’d waited for remus for years now, and you’d wait forever if it meant having him in your arms like you had him now.

it seemed you were alone in your patience, because when morning came and lily screeched, overjoyed at the prospect of her friends together, at last.

“oh merlin!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “i bloody knew it! i saw it coming—didn’t i see it coming, dorcas?”

“yes, yes you did,” dorcas rasped, still recovering from her interrupted slumber. “to be fair, we all saw it coming. even james saw it coming.”

“right, but i guessed most accurately, didn’t i? you and mary better cough up,” lily said while wiggling her shoulders triumphantly. her boasting was not lost on you.

“lily, did you bet on us?”

“um- well, yes.”

“dear godric.” you rubbed the sleep from your eyes. “what time is it? actually, it doesn’t matter. all i know is that it’s too early for this.”

“wait-” mary scampered out the dorm room. “you said ‘us.’ so you admit it? there’s an ‘us’ now?”

“yeah, an ‘us’ that fell asleep on the couch together! for the second time,” dorcas pursed her lips judgingly.

“i swear, i am going to rip whoever is being this loud into tiny little pieces-” sirius complained, stretching his arms and stumbling groggily out of the boys’ room to investigate. he immediately sobered at the sight of the three scheming girls and the two curled up figures dominating the common room. “holy shit,” sirius breathed. “prongs! wormy! get out here!” sirius turned and hurried back into his room, socks sliding, to wake up the other marauders.

you knew this from the last time you and remus had been caught sleeping on the couch, but remus was not a morning person. he groaned, turning his head so his face was flat on your chest, hiding from the unforgiving sunlight and your friends’ voyeuristic gawking.

“we’ve already done this,” you snipped, “can we collectively move on and start the day, please?”

“but it’s so fun to make you uncomfortable!” james smirked, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, elbow on the banister. “other than quidditch, it’s my favorite pastime.”

you had half the mind to slip out from underneath remus’ body and hex james’ mouth shut, but how could you, when remus was resting so soundly and holding you so snugly? you could count each freckle on his face if you tried. you could feel his eyelashes tickle your skin. if you focused, you could hear the rhythmatic beating of his heart, slow like molasses and indicative of how much he trusted you; how comfortable he was.

gone was the anxiety of trying to be perfect around him. remus felt like the only person you could trust with your whole being, and knew you would do anything for him, unconditionally and always.

--

on the rare occasion remus was not the one walking you to class, lily would have her arm linked through yours as she pulled you through the crowd, an expert navigator commanding the respect of the sea.

“it feels like forever since we’ve spent time together, just the two of us,” you said, voice raised to be audible over the bustling students. “that’s probably my fault too; i’ve been- uh, spending a lot of time with rem.”

“rem…” lily mimicked. “yeah, you definitely have. don’t stress about it, though. i’m happy—and i truly, truly mean this—that you and him have finally figured out your feelings for each other. you make the best couple.”

“oh, well we’re not officially dating or anything-”

“are you kidding?” lily scoffed. “i swear, the man could propose to you and you would still think he’d meant it platonically. you’ve kissed, haven’t you? is that not enough?”

“i mean, i don’t want to push it. he’s still figuring things out, i think, and i-”

you never finished your thought, nor did lily finish scolding you, because your conversation was overshadowed by the snide voices of lucius malfoy and his lackeys. 

“have you heard?” barty crouch sneered. “lupin’s started fooling around with the mudblood girl, that filthy blood traitor.”

“he’s a half blood to begin with,” lucius said. “hardly pure enough to ‘betray.’”

“it doesn’t matter to me,” evan rosier spat. “he’s still sleeping with the school slut. he’s a mudblood by association, that scum.”

your brows furrowed and you craned your neck to catch the conversation. lily was pale and her eyes flickered between you, the slytherins, and the crowd of students headed toward their next classes. lily tugged at your arm, silently asking you to leave it be.

you bit your lip hard enough to leave indents. it didn’t matter what the slytherins said about you; they were horrible blood supremacists who’d find a way to spread rumors no matter what. you knew remus wouldn’t take them to heart.

“and the evans girl? she’s sloppy seconds, isn’t she?” barty cackled. “y’know, she’s not bad for a mudblood. if she weren’t such a stuck-up bitch, i might go for it.”

“that’s disgusting, crouch,” malfoy jeered. “have you really become so desperate? you’d seek comfort from a mudblood?”

rosier elbowed barty. “she’s a fuckin’ prude anyway. even if she weren’t, why’d she ever go for your ugly face?”

“hey!” crouch protested. “look at yourself, why don’t’cha?”

“boys, calm down,” lucius said coolly. “you’re making fools of yourselves.” there was an evident distinction in the way the three of them spoke. lucius was articulate and his voice, sleek. evan rosier and barty crouch were crass and loose-tongued.

something about hearing lily’s name come out of the three slytherins’ slimy mouths made your blood boil; potions be damned, you were stewing in fury. you could deal with dirt on your name, but lily had been dragged into the center of gossip by association and you wouldn’t stand for slander on your innocent friend.

“i swear to fucking m-” you seethed, cracking your knuckles. you jumped when lily placed a placating hand on your forearm.

“it’s okay. let’s just go,” lily said nervously. lily was never one to shy away from confrontation, especially not when it came to putting blood supremacists in their place, so her cautiousness spoke volumes. 

you shook lily off you, perhaps with an undeserved amount of aggression, and let your bag drop to the ground with a heavy thud. you stalked in the slytherins’ direction, not sure what you were going to say but at least sure you were going to walk away with the three of them in quivering, pathetic shambles. 

“oi, crouch!” you called as you approached, clutching your wand a little tighter in your hand. “you been talking about me?”

“ah, it’s lupin’s girl!” rosier snickered, lightly elbowing lucius.

“ah, the marauder’s mudblood pet,” lucius said, lip curling in distaste. his eyes bore into yours and you shivered—not in the way remus made you shiver, but a trickling stream of dread down your spine. “what can we do for you?”

“don’t play dumb, malfoy,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “i mean, you could at least pretend to be capable of forming coherent thought. stupid isn’t a good look on you.”

there was a flicker of fire in lucius’ usually cold, expressionless eyes. you knew it was a bad idea—a reckless, thoughtless, potentially dangerous idea—to provoke someone like lucius, who had the family name to ruin your life, probably. still, you couldn’t help but stand a little taller as you watched lucius’ jaw twitch, smug at the prospect of having gotten under the pompous bastard’s skin.

“watch yourself, little girl,” crouch hissed, defensive on his leader’s behalf. “you should know your place by now. and if you don’t, we can show you.” rosier pushed out from behind lucius and crouch, tilting his head to look you up and down crudely. 

crouch was taller than you, not by much, but it was still a bit of a power imbalance to be looking up at him. “i could say the same for you,” you scoffed, crossing your arms. “keep my name out of your fucking mouth. keep evans’ name out of your dirty, foul mouth.”

“we’re not the only people talking, sweetheart,” rosier smiled viciously. his tongue ran over his top teeth like he was sizing you up for his next meal. “the whole school’s curious; who’d you fuck first? potter? black?” he spat out sirius’ name bitterly. “those fucking blood traitors… and now you’re going for remus lupin, the half-breed?”

“watch it,” you snarled. “you better fucking watch yourself.”

lucius, who’d been acting like he was above all this, cracked an amused smile. “the real question is, where does pettigrew stand?”

barty crouch laughed like lucius’ comment was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. crouch’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips. his eyes roamed your body greedily and it took everything in you not to cover yourself and run. “i’d love to know… what’s lupin like in bed? lupin’s a bit of an animal, isn’t he? tell me, is he rough with you?”

crouch’s mouth was still moving. he was going on about remus’ scars, his clothes; worst of all, using too many words that made it seem like crouch knew more than he should. you weren’t sure. you couldn’t hear it. blood was rushing to your face and your cheeks burned; if you pressed your hands to your face you thought you might hear a sizzle. your heart was halfway up your throat, threatening to beat a hole straight through your chest. the world had gone muddy. your vision was clouded by your fury, and all you could hear was a shrill alarm in your head, screaming at you to punch someone, slap someone, knee someone in the groin…

“shut up!” you shrieked, holding your wand out in front of your body defensively. your voice cracked. your eyes were burning, and the three slytherins could tell how much their taunts had affected you. you felt like you’d lost, just by showing emotion.

“shut up!” crouch mimicked in a squeaky, sing-song voice. “shut up, shut up, shut up-”

“why do you care?” you felt like a child throwing a temper tantrum. but your question remained—why you? why lily? why remus?

“because you disgust me,” lucius spoke through bared teeth, venom dripping from each syllable. “you and your little blood traitor troupe are a black mark on this school. you-” lucius pointed at you, “-have whored your way into the purest wizarding families, and-”

you slapped lucius across the face with a resounding crack. it was delightful.

crouch rushed to lucius’ side immediately, fretting over his role model like an overbearing mother. lucius’ face was scarlet, from both the humiliation and the blood you’d raised to the surface of his cheek with the impact of your palm. his pale skin made the handprint all the more obvious.

“bitch!” lucius cupped the side of his face tenderly. “do you know who my family is? you pathetic, stupid girl. my father will hear about this!”

“you’re a bloody asshole, malfoy! and the two of you-” you gestured broadly to crouch and rosier, “-can go fuck yourselves. you leave us alone, or i swear i’ll hex you straight into the hospital wing next time.”

you forced yourself to hold their gazes, clenching your jaw to stop your bottom lip from trembling—because damn it, you were nervous—and swallowed down any creeping regrets. it was necessary, you thought. maybe now they’d finally leave you alone. there’d been too many close calls of late, and if this was what it took to get the slytherins off remus’ back, then so be it. you’d take a million horrible names; that was nothing compared to the destruction if remus’ secret was revealed.

you turned around, closing your eyes and releasing a breath so deep that it felt like you’d just compressed your lungs, before dragging yourself over to where lily stood in the corridor, clutching your bag with white knuckles.

you smiled at her weakly. lily did not return your smile. instead, her mouth dropped open in a panicked exclamation, and before you could ask what was wrong, she was flinging a spell at you.

no, not at you. behind you.

“expelliarmus!” lily shouted, voice strong and clear. she set your bag on the floor and flung hers off her shoulder before rushing to your side. you swung your head in both directions, eyes wide as you caught up with the sudden action. lily held crouch’s wand in her hand, eyes flaming as furiously as her cheeks. strands of lily’s hair stuck to the chapstick on her lips, and even as she awkwardly wiped them from her face, she looked absolutely terrifying.

“dear merlin,” you gaped, watching your friend storm toward the three boys, all hesitancy evaporated. in fact, it seemed like she was steaming clouds of fury out her ears.

“you!” lily seethed. “you pathetic, gargoyle-faced bastards! yeah, i’m talking to you!” she threw crouch’s wand at the ground and you imagined she was currently resisting the urge to stomp it in half. (lily had always displayed more self-restraint than you.)

lily’s outrage drew the attention of students who’d begun trickling out of their last classes of the day. “only cowards attack while someone’s back is turned,” she said, shoving an accusatory finger into crouch’s chest. “and you are the most deranged coward i’ve ever met. you talk big game around your little friends, but you don’t have the balls to say it to my face, do you?

“sloppy seconds, did you say i was? merlin, i didn’t realize you had enough gray matter to become more brainless,” lily scoffed. “i am nobody’s. unlike you, i have a sense of self-worth. i don’t need to cling onto some man-” lily glared at lucius, “-to validate myself. you’re pathetic, is what you are.”

crouch opened his mouth, likely trying to find the right words to respond, but lily was swift in her exit. tossing her long hair over her shoulder, she crossed the courtyard with a stony, unwavering expression. you watched in a mixture of awe and admiration as she swept up both your bags and nodded to you in beckoning. she was casual, like casting magic and digging verbal talons into blood supremacist slytherins was an everyday practice.

“are you okay?” you whispered, taking your bag from lily and letting your shoulder brush against hers to let her know you were by her side. “wait, that’s a stupid question. how are you feeling? should we go back to the dorm? or- or- we could talk to mcgonagall?” you stammered, tripping over your feet as you tried to keep up with lily’s long, determined strides.

“i’m fine,” lily said. her fists were gripping the fabric of her skirt, so lily was obviously not fine. “i’m fine. let’s just go back to the common room,” she repeated, reassuring herself more than she was responding to you.

you rubbed your forehead. the conflict felt neverending, and you were beginning to feel naive for thinking there’d ever be a light at the end of the tunnel. the wizarding world was on the path to war, after all. there was nothing but dark days ahead. it seemed like you were at the edge of the hurricane, not quite swept into the relentless winds but already swaying as the force of the storm challenged your resilience.

as expected, the common room was bustling with frenzied post-class students rushing to their dorms for afternoon naps and gossip about the day's happenings. 

“lily?” marlene called, arm swung loosely over the velvet arm of a plush couch. she looked very cool. “y’good, darling?”

“no,” lily said bluntly. “not at all. those bloody slytherins-”

“it’s not bellatrix, is it?” mary asked nervously. regardless of blood status, bellatrix was an intimidating figure to all. 

“no, it’s malfoy. unfortunately.” you frowned. “hoenstly, i’d prefer if it were bellatrix… at least she’s not a bloody coward…”

the mood quickly dampened, evident by the way marlene pushed herself up on her elbows to listen more attentively and mary took a seat on the ottoman, pushing her essay aside in the middle of writing a word.

“wait, what about malfoy?” dorcas asked, hushed.

lily seethed. “the foul git was talking shit in the courtyard, blabbing on about r-”

the girls looked surprised. lily wasn’t one to swear.

“bunny!” remus called from the portrait hole, waving his arm excitedly as he stepped over the threshold. “hey, i missed you in potions, is everything alright?”

five heads whipped around to stare at remus and the three boisterous marauders just behind him. lily rolled her eyes.

“i swear to merlin, if i have to deal with any more of these idiot men, i’m going to be in azkaban by tonight,” lily said, glaring at james very specifically. “i can’t stand them.”

“sure, lils.” marlene didn’t push, but her insinuation was clear.

you ignored lily’s complaints. you, for one, would never object to seeing remus.

--

lucius malfoy had been wearing his hair down recently.

“how’s your hand?” remus asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. the courtyard didn’t feel the same after your previous altercation, but here you were, sitting with your legs swung over remus’ lap as you skimmed your potions textbook.

“a little sore, but probably not as sore as malfoy’s face,” you snorted. “it was so worth it. if i could do it again, i would’ve punched him. maybe i could’ve broken his nose, or something.”

remus hummed. you’d told him what had happened. at first, you’d omitted the worst of the details, but with a bit of coaxing, remus pulled the full story from you. it was a new feeling, being able to share everything with someone and knowing that they wanted to carry everything you had to offer.

“want me to kiss it better?” remus said coyly, taking your hand in his and pressing a long kiss to your wrist. his lips crept in small steps across your skin. he placed one kiss on the fleshy part at the base of your thumb, another on the back of your hand, a dusting of kisses across your knuckles, until he grew bored and tugged you closer with the hand of yours he was already holding until you were close enough for him to kiss your lips instead.

“much better,” you laughed, giddy. “you- you make me feel safe, remus. sometimes i’m scared that there’ll be… well- and sometimes i’m scared something will happen to you. i don’t know what it is, rem, but there’s nobody else for me. i know it for a fact.”

“fuck, i love you so much,” remus breathed, pulling you in by the chin for another breathless kiss. “merlin, i don’t know what i did to deserve you.”

“you’re cute. and you help me carry my books,” you answered thoughtfully. “that’s what you did.”

“i see how it is,” remus grinned. “i’m just your arm candy and bookshelf, huh?”

“i suppose you could also be my boyfriend.”

“boyfriend?” remus furrowed his brows. a volt of panic shot through you—was it too early for labels? but remus only smiled. “boyfriend… yeah, can i be your boyfriend? i would love to be your boyfriend. i would love to be yours.”

“yes,” you nodded enthusiastically. “yes, rem. yes, be mine.”

“yours,” remus agreed, leaning his forehead on yours. “yes, i want to be yours forever, as long as you let me.”

“wait, does this mean i get to be your girlfriend?”

remus choked with a surprised laugh. “i thought that was implied?”

“just checking!” you poked his cheek. “i just don’t wanna get things wrong with you.”

“you could never do anything wrong, silly girl,” remus chuckled, enveloping your poking hand in his own warmer one. “i agree. there’s nobody else for me either. whatever we do, or whatever happens, it’s enough that i get to do it with you.”

with your back pressed up against the rough trunk of the crabapple tree, feet pressed into the dusty earth, hand squeezed in remus’, and his reassurance in your mind, you felt grounded for the first time in…

“it’s been a long time.” snape said curtly. his robes swished around his calves and he gripped the strap of his bag tighter as he came to a stop in front of you and remus’ conjoined bodies.

you raised your eyebrows. “come to avenge your pal, malfoy?”

snape ignored your question.  “i hear the astronomy class is studying moon phases this week. yes, that reminds me… how are things for you, lupin?”

you felt remus tighten his grip around your hand and you placed your own on his thigh reassuringly. as much as you’d love watching snape’s face as you slammed it into the bark of the tree which was so close and right there, you’d drawn enough attention to yourself to last months. 

“i don’t understand, sniv- severus. are you falling behind in astronomy? i hear the ravenclaws have a fantastic tutor group for struggling students,” remus quipped.

snape swallowed hard. his eyes flickered around the courtyard before returning to remus’. snape had barely acknowledged you.

“what do you ev-” you started, but were cut off.

“you and your blood traitor friends best watch your backs, lupin,” snape hissed, emphasizing remus’ name like it was a poison. “i’d watch the attitude too. perhaps the missus could learn from that as well.”

remus’ eyes narrowed. he stood, sick of looking up at a boy he despised. at his full height, remus towered over snape. he stood much taller than most at hogwarts, anyway.

“are you threatening me, severus?” remus said lowly, fingers twitching at his sides. you weren’t sure if he was holding himself back from punching snape or grabbing his want and hexing him into next monday’s charms class.

“is there a reason you’d feel that way, remus?” snape bit back. “the innocent need not keep secrets.”

“oh fuck off, would you?”

the three of you redirected your gaze to james, swaggering over with his shirt collar crooked and wand tucked behind his ear, covered by his intentionally disheveled hair.

“potter,” snape spat, even more venomous than he had been with remus’ name. “what are you doing here?”

“can’t i enjoy a lovely afternoon, snivellus?” james waved his arm in a broad gesture to the weather. “i could ask you the same. i’d think that with all your free time, you might’ve had time to try taking a shower. i guess i was mistaken.”

“yes, you are mistaken,” snape said. “you never were the smartest, were you?”

james looked unfazed. “are you a procrastinator, snivellus? i know you’d drop anything for slughorn, but personal hygiene is just as important, mate. how can you expect anyone to take you seriously when you’ve got lice and such a sallow, sad face?”

sirius smirked. “we can give you some tips, if you’d like. ‘course, you’d have to step away from our mates here. i wouldn’t want them to get caught in the- aguamenti!”

with a sputter and burst, a stream of continuous water sprang from sirius’ wand. he held it with both hands, waving it side to side like a firefighter putting out a flame.

snape was furious as he stood shivering in his drenched robes. if he hadn’t been such a lecherous little blood supremacist, you might’ve felt bad for him. he looked like a bad luck-stricken black cat, drenched in the rain and trembling on his feet.

“incendio!” snape shouted, aiming his wand directly at sirius’ chest.

sirius, always on the offense, would have surely caught on fire if it weren’t for james’ quick protection spell. 

the two boys stared at each other through james’ magical shield, and you and remus took this time to sneak past snape undetected. you rounded the courtyard until you were behind james and sirius. sirius was breathing heavily. james’ jaw was clenched.

there had always been something much deeper and more personal between snape and james and sirius. peter went along with the deep rivalry simply because his friends felt the same way. remus was forced into it through snape’s blackmailing. and you, by asossiation, were now on his blacklist.

you suppose, as a muggleborn, you would’ve been on that list regardless.

“rictusempra,” you muttered under your breath, discreetly pointing your wand at snape’s ankles. you tried not to smirk as the boy fell to the ground, trying his best not to laugh. he looked like a seal, all slippery and wet in his all-black garb, squirming around on the ground collecting dirt and dead leaves.

sirius found this extremely funny, and needed no magical push to burst into raucous laughter. james looked impressed. when he met your eye, he could tell by your poorly concealed amusement that you were the culprit.

“severus snape!”

bellatrix’ voice slashed through the air. “severus, get up! you’re making a fool of yourself.”

with great difficulty, snape pushed himself onto his knees, still clutching his abdomen in pain. bellatrix rolled her eyes unsympathetically and flicked her wrist in snape’s general direction, lifting the spell and allowing him to collapse to the ground in a damp, defeated heap.

“ah, the little blood traitors,” bellatrix taunted. “i presume you are responsible for this?”

you looked at remus with tired eyes. “let’s go. if a teacher catches us, we’re dead. mostly me. i’ve been involved in too many of these… scuffles of late.”

remus nodded.

snape was clambering to his feet in shame. he swung his damp bag over his shoulder, then flipped it open and began frantically checking its contents. he glanced up at james and sirius, but his eyes were searching for remus. when they settled on remus’ face, emotionless and poker, severus’ expression turned murderous.

from within the bag he tugged out a book. it was soaked through and most likely water damaged beyond repair, but snape lifted the book far enough out of the bag to flash the cover and spine at you.

it came back to you like fragments of glass.

“lupine lawlessness: why lycanthropes don’t deserve to live.”

you knew snape hadn’t come over for the sake of saying hello. you figured he, being the creep he was, just enjoyed making people uncomfortable.

he had wanted you to read the spine of the book, just like he’d wanted you to find it in the first place. he’d dropped it in the potions classroom, knowing you’d pick it up. he’d done so the day of slughorn’s party, when he knew he could catch you off guard.

snape, who’d been thrashing on the ground like a fish out of water only moments ago, was now eye level with bellatrix and suddenly looking like much more of a threat than you’d anticipated. his hand was hiddin in his bag and you assumed he must’ve been gripping the book. he narrowed his eyes, acknowledging your presence for the first time, and imperceptibly, jutted his head in bellatrix’s direction.

your blood went cold. in this very same courtyard, a few days ago, barty crouch had tried to attack you while you had your back turned. isn’t that what you’d just done to snape? 

maybe you should’ve known better than to underestimate snape. he wasn’t as physically capable as james and sirius, as influential as malfoy, or as frightening as bellatrix, but he was sly. snape was nowhere near bellatrix’s good graces, but he was about to be.

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you hadn’t spoken to remus since last week. it wasn’t like the months before, where you’d slowly but unintentionally distanced yourself from him in favor of the animagus potions; no, this time, it was he who took to avoiding you. the day after your argument, he caved into sparing you a few brief glances. but since then, he’d successfully managed to shut you out in every class, at every meal, and disappear from the library and common room.

it was torture.

“what’s the incantation again?” sirius mumbled to himself as he flipped through the pages of the book that had begun to eat away at you each time you saw it. the guilt had nothing to do with the fact that you’d stolen an official ministry document from the restricted section or that you were using it to do something very dangerous and illegal, but because it reminded you that you’d sacrified your relationship with remus by choosing to become an animagus.

sure, you were becoming an animagus for him. but it still took all your self restraint not to spit out the damn mandrake leaf every time you saw the devastation and betrayal crack through his straight-faced exterior. in the past three years you’d known remus, you’d never once fought like this. you didn’t fight, period. there were squabbles over the best muggle literature and who got the last copy of a library book and whether tea or coffee was the most complimentary for a reading session, but none of those lasted more than a few hours or a day at most.

so yes, you’d rather have a girl’s night with bellatrix lestrange than this—whatever it was.

“ah! amato animo… a tomato? atonement… animagus- huh?” james squinted at the instructional pages; the parchment was limp from the sustained humidity of the dungeons and the ink had slightly bled, so you couldn’t blame james.

oh, you could, actually. “merlin, james. gimme those-” you grabbed his glasses from his face and wiped the grime and condensation off with the sleeve of your robe. “there, better?”

james’ eyes buggled in astonishment. “loads! woah, i feel like i’ve gotten a whole new prescription!”

you grimaced. “y’might as well have… do you not clean your glasses, james?”

james shook his head and his curls bounced along. “no, why would i?”

you looked back at the parchment.

peter elbowed james harshly. “listen up, mate. it’s amato animo animato animagus, ‘right?” peter rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “not any of that… tomato rubbish.”

“i figure we ‘ought to head up; i think the ceiling’s already beginning to leak.” sirius shuffled his belongings together and tucked them under his arm. “up and at ‘em, lads! and… lass.”

you waved him off. “nah, i figure i count as one of the lads now. i’ve seen all of you half naked, ‘cept for james, who was full naked. we’re forever now.”

your group ascended the stairs, footsteps and voices echoing off the stone walls. peter laughed heartily. “i think you’re right. you ‘oughtta be a full marauder, at this point.”

james nodded. “yeah, and you even know about moony’s furry little secret! plus, we’re breaking so many laws right now and become ani-”

sirius slapped the back of james’ head as you slammed your hand over james’ mouth. james cried out, the sound muffled by your palm.

“what was that for?” james sputtered, genuinely in pain.

“you are the worst at keeping secrets, james potter. remind me to never make you my secret keeper,” you groaned.

“hey, i’m not that bad!” peter snorted. “i’d rather have sirius as my secret keeper than james.”

you all looked at the boy thoughtfully. james nodded and shook his finger at peter. “let’s be honest, the only person we should trust with secret-keeping is peter. or moony, but he’s not here at the moment.”

“shush, we’re here!” sirius pointed his head at a large window facing the hogwarts grounds. from there, you could see the lightning storm tearing violently at the branches of the whomping willow.

“well, you all know what t’do.” james sat on the ground matter-of-factly and pressed the tip of his wand over his heart. “amato animo animato animagus… hello? get to it!”

you all followed suit, though peter was chewing his lip nervously. “is this gonna work? i mean, we only had one sunset between finishing the potion and the electricity storm so we never did a sunrise incantation… will that be enough? plus, we started the spell during the storm, so will that-”

“shut it, would’ya?” sirius grumbled. “we’ve got- holy shit!” sirius gasped. “i- i feel the second heartbeat!”

your eyes widened. “godric, we’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

james nodded numbly. “we’re in deep shit.”

--

“ready?” you asked, clutching the crystal phial that had once held your mandrake leaf and the moth chrysalis. it was now a thin blood red potion, enough for one mouthful.

“y-yeah,” sirius whispered, knuckles white as he gripped the fabric of his robes.

“i still think it’s a bad idea to do this in our dorm,” peter fretted, always the cautious one. “what if someone walks in?”

“that’s why we’ve locked the door, duh.”

“-or what if one of our animagus forms is a-an elephant, and we break everything?”

“that’s a problem for later-”

“or what if it doesn’t work and we get stuck in a horrible half-transformation forever?”

james grinned. “well, that’d certainly suck, wouldn’t it?” he uncorked his bottle and held it up in the air. “cheers, lads!” with one gulp, he’d swallowed the potion with confidence. nothing happened.

you and sirius looked at each other, eyebrows raised. taking a deep breath, you followed suit, downing the potion all at once. similarly, there was no change.

“oh! we have to do the incantation again…” you flipped through the book, skimming for any missed instructions. you grimaced. “ah, the book reads: you must show no fear. it is too late now, to escape the change you have willed.”

“on that cheery note,” james announced, pointing his wand to his chest once more, “amato animo animato animagus!”

at once, james let out a strained groan. “fuck, that’s killer!” he clutched his side.

you figured it was best to finish this quickly. “amato animo animato animagus,” you mumbled, bracing yourself for the incoming pain.

you now understood why so few people decided to become animagi. the gruelling preparation process aside, this was the worst pain you’d ever felt (and that you’d ever feel, you thought).

“does anyone else feel like they’re being barbequed alive or is that just me?” peter gasped.

“barbequed? you’re too white to have any barbeque seasoning… ah!”

“this is no time for joking!”

“it’s always time for-” james was abruptly cut off.

“what in godric’s name-” sirius sobbed through his pain, marveling at the stag that had taken james’ place.

of course james was the first to transform. he was always a bit of an overacheiver.

“ohh, i’m really feeling that double heartbeat now,” you panted, curled into the fetal position. james looked like he wanted to move over to you, but he knew better. peter was right—what if someone’s animagus was an elephant? james didn’t want to be in the way for that transformation.

“oh my go-”

when had the world become so small? everything had changed color… this was it. you were in so much pain that you were beginning to hallucinate; the next stage would be unconsciousness.

no, that wasn’t right. your nose twitched. why was your nose twitching? you couldn’t control it. god, the dorm smelled horrible. looking at your feet—well, they were no longer feet—you were confronted with the truth: your animagus was a rabbit.

a damn rabbit? you thought. why couldn’t i be something cool, like a bear? or a gryffindor lion? well, i suppose that wouldn’t be very inconspicuous… the marauders are going to tease me relentlessly for this…

you hopped—hopped!—towards your new and alarmingly large friends. sirius was a large black dog with long, coarse hair. he licked you eagerly, covering you in drool, and you wished that you were something larger so that you could bit him in retaliation. you felt humiliated as you leaned onto your haunches and cleaned your face in the way rabbits did—yes, the marauders weren’t ever going to let you live this down.

james the stag waved his head up and down like he was laughing. oh, how you wished you were a human so you could slap him. you’d have to settle for some angry foot stomping.

and peter… poor peter was a rat. a cruel part of you was delighted in peter’s unfortunate animagus form. it would take the ruthless commentary off of you.

but just like that, your fun was cut short. the doorknob was rattling aggressively, the noise only enhanced by your new senses. it seemed that sirius’ senses had also improved, as he seemed to panic as he sniffed the air. he growled lowly, slinking backwards until he was beside a bed and out of view from the doorway.

your ears swivelled and you caught a quiet voice. “alohamora.” it was then that you discovered a benefit to your animagus form: skittishness. your reflexes seemed to take over as you scurried ungracefully beneath the same bed that sirius was taking refuge behind. you couldn’t see much.

there was a bark. sirius’ bark. and then a loud clanging. and then a slam, followed by hesitantly approaching footsteps and a string of expletives.

it was remus.

“what. the. fuck.”

we can explain! you wanted to say, but another thing you discovered was that you couldn’t speak—not just in terms of human words, but you couldn’t bark like sirius or squeak like peter. so you thumped.

“did- did sirius put you in here? james? peter?” remus appeared to be going insane. “what was that? that noise?” he bent down to inspect the thump from beneath the bed and caught sight of a bunny rabbit, its bright eyes glowing back at him. his breath hitched in his throat.

“whaaaa- oh shit. there’s four of you. oh shiiiit.” remus pulled his head from under the bed and you wriggled towards him, following curiously. remus stepped backwards, appalled, pulling at his unruly hair which he’d stopped taking care of at the same time he’d stopped talking to you.

he rubbed his eyes. “no,” he whispered. “no, no, no.” remus turned around, left the room, and slammed the door behind him. you looked at peter, who was even smaller than you were, who squeaked a few times in response. james and sirius had yet to make much nose, which was smart—they didn’t want to draw attention from any other gryffindors.

the door flew open and remus entered once more, pointing a shaky, accusatory finger at the four of you. “i swear to merlin, i’ll kill you if you’re what i think you are. who i think you are,” he hissed.

your nose twitched aggressively as you shut your eyes, trying your best to transform back so you could defend yourself. you fell to your stomach, banging your cheek on the floor, as you returned to your human form. you thanked whoever created the rules of magic for allowing animagus transformers to keep their clothing.

“rem, please don’t-” you huffed, picking yourself up and rubbing your head. remus scrambled towards you, crouching down and pulling you into his arms wordlessly. caught off guard, you let yourself fall into his embrace, finding yourself surrounded by the scent that you’d missed for months. you buried your nose deeper into the crook of his neck. perhaps you were imagining it, but it seemed that you could smell more clearly even in human form.

remus stood, dragging you with him, and you stood in his arms limply, exhausted from the effort and extraneousness of the transformation. you wrapped your arms around his body, as he did yours, and closed your eyes. it was easy to pretend that three teenage boys were not currently in this room as illegally tranformed animagi while you were in the arms of your best friend, a werewolf, who you were madly in love with.

(the last part was a lie. you were very much aware that you were standing in remus’ arms.)

when james, sirius, and peter all became human once more, remus put his hands on your shoulders and walked you backwards so you could join the other marauders in their guilty little huddle.

“what have you done?” remus whispered, horrified.

you raised your hands in the air and shook them. “ta-da!”

it was very silent. to be fair, there wasn’t any precedent for “things to say after you went behind your best friend’s back and committed an extremely dangerous and illegal act in order to help him through a monthly werewolf transformation which is also dangerous and also most likely breaks many, many regulations.”

then sirius said. “in our defense-”

he only spurred on a panicked frenzy from remus. “merlin, how long- how did you- this is dangerous! and illegal! and- why would you- damn it, does this have something to do with me being a w- with my condition?” he hissed furiously.

“no! well… yes,” peter admitted bashfully.

“i’m sorry! we were trying to help. we thought that being around animals could distract the werewolf from hurting itself, and we’d be safe since we’re not human,” james hurriedly explained. “and we were careful and hey, it all turned out okay, right? no weird human-animal horror hybrids!”

remus paced, gnawing anxiously on one of his knuckles.

“rem, we didn’t mean to-”

“and you told her!” he snarled, pushing you aside and going straight for james. there was no logical sense to it—james wasn’t the only one who told you about the plan. “you fucking told her! i asked for one thing-”

“technically it was like, three things-”

“and you- damn it!” remus gasped for breath, dragging his hands down his face.

“‘tell her?’ tell who, me?” you interjected. “the fuck were you thinking; keeping secrets from me? i’m the one who bloody found this out in the first place! why are you talking about me behind my back?” you scoffed. “what, do you think i’m not man enough to handle whatever it was that you talked about?”

remus grabbed your shoulders once more, shaking you slightly. “i don’t want you involved in this! i don’t want you here!” he looked distressed. “that’s not what- no, i don’t want you to put yourself in danger because i knew my idiot friends were going to try something! i care about you too much to- no, you shouldn’t have.” then he ripped his hands from you like he’d burned himself.

“you don’t care about us?” sirius pouted, trying to lighten the mood.

“how did you even pull this off?” remus sat on his bed, defeated. “i mean, when did you even have time for this? how’d you even know how to?”

you pursed your lips to hide your smug smile. “i raided the restricted section,”

“you mean we-”

“and the potions closet, and got access to the dungeons…”

peter chimed in excitedly. “and i stole- got the phials, and the moth chrysali—don’t even ask—by the way, and sirius… held the map, and james… was our team leader. isn’t that right, james?”

james nodded.

remus buried his face in his pillow, trying to remain quiet as tears stubbornly forced themselves out of his eyes. he hated his friends. he hated their recklessness and stupidity and outrageousness. but most of all, he hated that he loved them.

“we only did it for you, moony.” james looked over at remus sadly, trying to gague his state.

remus hiccuped. “i’m a monster. i just- i don’t understand why you’d-”

you rushed to remus’ side, perching yourself on the edge of his mattress and laying a hand on his head, stroking his hair. “i’d- we’d do anything. anything for our moony.”

--

you were back by that window, the one where you and the marauders and uttered the animagus incantation. there was no storm this time, and the branches of the whomping willow almost seemed relaxed as they drooped loosely, allowing themselves to sway with the wind. there was an odd semblance of peace.

you jumped slightly as remus placed a hand on your shoulder. caught up in your thoughts, you hadn’t heard him arrive.

“sorry,” he muttered. he looked out the window with you.

in a stoke of bravery, you brought your hand up to cover his, coaxing it off your shoulder. you let his hand fall to his side, where you tangled his fingers in yours. it was nice, albeit a little uncomfortable. his hands were much larger than your and your fingers didn’t quite fit together.

“the full moon’s tonight.” you sighed heavily. “shouldn’t you be resting?”

“i’m alright. i’m used to it.”

“you shouldn’t be. you shouldn’t have to get used to- all of this. i wish you didn’t have to- to suffer.”

remus smiled sadly, turning to look at you. “i wish that too.”

you looked down at the ground. “me and the boys are going to come with you tonight,” you stated. there was no room for questioning.

“what?”

you lowered you voice. “after pomfrey brings you down to the shack, we’re going to sneak out and meet you there. we’ll be in our animagus form before you transform. that way, you don’t have to be alone.”

“have you lost it?” remus laughed incredulously. his hand broke free from your so he could cup your cheeks softly. “no, you’re not.”

“we’re not, or i’m not?” you murmured. “i know you think differently of me. but i don’t want you to. i’m not- not weak, or naive, or helpless, remus. i’m just as good as the other marauders.”

“no, i don’t think that of you. quite frankly, i think you’re stronger and cleverer and better than all of them combined. i just don’t want- i couldn’t handle it if you got hurt. especially if it was because of me. i-”

“moony, you would never hurt me. i know you wouldn’t; there’s no hesitance in my heart. and i’m a rabbit,”

“yes, you’re a rabbit, do you not see how-”

“i’m a rabbit, which means i’m fast. i can get away if i really need to—which i won’t, because you’re not going to hurt me.”

“how do you know that? how can you be sure?”

“let’s say i’ve done my research. i did check out that book, remember?”

--

“don’t come near me with your damn prongs!” sirius laughed, pushing james’ head away as he pretended to butt into sirius’ chest with the crown of his head. the four of you had yet to transform, still reviewing the logistics in the boys’ dorm.

“prongs! i like that.” you declared. “i think we all need code names. moony has one. james can be prongs.”

“hey, that’s not nearly as cool as moony!”

sirius snorted. “peter should be wormtail. the first thing i saw when he was transformed was his tail, and i really thought his animagus was going to be a worm!”

it was peter’s turn to be outraged. “are you serious? that’s so-”

“‘course i’m sirius! i’m always sirius.”

“if we’re going by first impressions, i say sirius should be padfoot. i’m being ser- i’m not kidding, have you seen his paws? they’re like pillows; mine are perfectly normal, thank you,” you sniffed.

“alright, and what’ll you be?” 

“i’ll take it! y’know what, i’ll take it.”

“‘right then, folks! we better get going. have you got the map?” james dug through a heap of junk.

“we finished it?” peter questioned.

“yeah, hopper helped with the dungeons area. we just gotta seal it later.”

“hey, how come you get to be hopper and i’m wormtail?”

sirius held up the parchment triumphantly. “found it! i also found dog treats. who got dog treats?”

“that would be me,” you snickered, finding yourself very funny. “the house elves helped.”

you’d only figured out the travel strategy yesterday, and in hindsight, you should’ve practiced. the invisibility cloak was draped over james’ antlers with peter in between each one, and sirius stood by james’ side while you balanced for dear life on sirius’ back. it was much more difficult for you to cling on than it was for peter. you’d tried being down on the ground, walking alongside sirius and james, but you had gotten too close to being stepped on for your comfort.

peter had wanted to travel as humans and transform outside, which you vehemently opposed. it was safer to become animals in the privacy of a dorm room rather than on open grounds. you thought it was a bit unfair that peter, who had an easier time being on james’ back than you on sirius’, was so adamant about “convenience.”

it was a clear evening. you’d always enjoyed astronomy, but since discovering remus’ condition, looking at the moon had only brought dread upon you. you figured it must be a lot worse for remus.

you’d found that, in animal form, there was some primitive way you could communicate. you found it secretly preferable to normal communication with the marauders. there was no nuance or room for jokes, only barks with general meanings and vague symboling. it was effective, timewise.

“hurry up!” prongs nudged his head forward, almost sending wormtail flying.

“merlin, we’re trying!” padfoot whined. “i’m carrying a bloody rabbit on my back, so would you give it a sec?”

you pawed at sirius’ head. “i’m not that much of a burden! do you know how hard you’re making this for me? i’m on the verge of slipping off at every turn!”

“would you all shut it? i’ve gotta get past the whomping willow,” wormtail squeaked. he scurried to the base of the willow with the nimbleness that only a rat could process and pressed his tiny hand to a special spot on the bark. its defensive branches went limp, and the three of you pushed forward.

you jumped from padfoot’s back, scrambling to land properly. your rabbit body abilities weren’t very natural to you.

“moony!” padfoot barked. there was a flicker of recognition in remus’ eyes, though for the most part, they were clouded in discomfort. the four of you shifted back to your human forms, hoping to comfort remus before his full moon transformation.

“remus?” you whispered, so quietly that it oculd be mistaken for a breath. you crept towards him, who was curled into himself in a corner of the room. “remus, it’s going to be okay. we’re here!” you tried to lift his spirits.

remus shook his head. “i’m scared,” he confessed shakily. “if anything happens to you…”

“we’ll be alright, moony.” peter smiled reassuringly. the wonderful thing about peter was his ability to empathize with everyone. he had a way of calming his friends down during their lowest moments. “and if anything goes wrong, we know to leave immediately,” peter promised.

remus nodded, eyeing the ground warily. “you should probably turn again. it’ll be anytime now.”

within moments, remus was surrounded by four animals once more. you still weren’t used to being so small as a rabbit. you nuzzled against remus’ thigh, rubbing the side of your face against the fabric of his pants affectionately. remus smiled sadly, using two fingers to scratch behind your ears. you cooed.

there was a sudden snapping and remus inhaled sharply. he was beginning to transform. you backed away quickly, as did the other marauders, and watched as remus began the painful process of becoming a werewolf. you didn’t bother looking—it felt voyeuristic; wrong. there was nothing you could do to cover the sound of remus’ bones breaking, his well-worn clothing ripping and tearing, and the cries of pain that already began to sound like howls.

you wished you could cry yourself. unfortunately, the best you could do was stomp your feet and grind your teeth (which you did, violently).

for all that remus described himself to be as a werewolf, you found him startlingly beautiful. before you was a wolf, larger and slightly lankier than normal, that was distinctly remus. he had the same opalescent green eyes, the same mysterious and confident composure, and the same quiet curiosity. this was not a monster or a creature meant to kill. this was remus lupin at his most vulnerable.

padfoot whined lowly. “moony, y’alright?”

moony seemed startled; not threatened, but rather emotional. “i’m alright.”

“hell yeah!” prongs waved his head around excitedly, forcing padfoot to skirt out of the way to avoid his wild antlers. “this is so cool!”

“speak for yourself,” wormtail squeaked. “i’m still motion sick. moony, do y’know how we got here? i rode on prongs’ bloody head, like ratatouille!”

“what’s a ratatouille?” prongs and padfoot were equally puzzled.

you and wormtail shared a look that only non-pureblooded folk could understand. “don’t even worry about it. that movie won’t be released until nearly three decades later, and you’ll all be well and dead by then. let’s just move on.”

“can i come closer, moony?” you tilted your head, one ear sticking up quizzically. moony huffed in affirmation.

“it’s me! can you tell?”

“i can.” moony seemed amused. “you’re just as annoying as a rabbit as you are a human.”

you thumped in displeasure. “you git. i didn’t carry a mandrake leaf in my mouth just for you to insult me more.”

prongs grunted. “you are quite funny, hopper. have you seen her binky yet? it’s so embarrassing.”

you thumped a few times more. “yeah? says the one with the death contraption on his head! plus, all you can do is grunt like a caveman. i didn’t realize it was possible for you to get any dumber.”

padfoot barked madly. “merlin, i love this. i’m the only one who can make actual sounds.”

wormtail scratched the floor angrily. “don’t rub it in, padfoot. or i’ll bit you and give you rabies.”

“i don’t think that’s how it works,” prongs huffed.

“it’s nice to see that you’re all just as insufferable as animals,” moony snorted, beginning to pace restlessly around the shack. “it’s too cramped in here. i feel like i’m suffocating.”

“couldn’t be me,” wormtail gloated. “perks of being a rat, i s’pose.”

“oh, shut it wormy. i’ll have padfoot eat you.” you threatened.

padfoot cringed. “absolutely not!”

“what, so you don’t think i’m tasty? i’m offended by that, you know.”

“hey, do you want to be eaten? ‘cause i-”

“can you all shut it?” prongs hooved the wooden flooring with a loud scrape. “you’re stressing moony out.”

prongs was right—moony was beginning to scratch at himself again, only able to entertain himself with your animal antics for so long. you leaped towards him frantically, and moony froze. he brought his face down to yours very slowly, like he was scared to hurt you. you could feel his warm, damp exhales puff through his nose and onto your face. there was fear in moony’s eyes as he examined you, so fragile in comparison to his powerful, muscular build.

“don’t be so egotistical, moony,” you scoffed. you found that reverse psychology type tough love was the only thing that would get through to remus when he thought he didn’t deserve kind words. “you’re not special. hell, i’m loads better than you. watch this.” you spun in circles as you became a blur in front of moony’s eyes.

moony vocalized what sounded like a laugh. “c’mere,” he probed, inviting somebody else closer for the first time. “let me see you.”

“i’m quite pretty, aren’t i?” you bragged. “very cute, if i say so myself.”

“precious,” moony agreed. “you’re my little treasure.”

you wanted to kiss him right then and there. you were his treasure. you discovered another downside to your animagus form: you had no lips to kiss with. you settled for a lick.

“did you just… lick me?” moony teased, lifting the paw you’d licked curiously.

“so what if i did?” you countered, thumping, thumping, thumping as you’d learned was the best way to communicate your annoyance. the boys were annoying you a lot today.

“merlin, we should’ve called you thumper instead.” wormtail chirped.

“hey, i want a kiss!” padfoot ran over, tongue lolling, and covered you in slobber as he repeated his minstrations from the first transformation. he did the same to moony, who pushed him off seconds later.

“i’m disgusting!” you whined, rubbing yourself against moony’s legs. “ew, you’re so gross, pads!”

“hey, where did those names come from anyway?” moony allowed himself to lay on the ground so you’d be able to wipe yourself off on him better.

prongs trotted over, careful not to impale anything. “you got a cool name, so we wanted ones for ourselves. d’you like ‘em?”

moony dipped his head in approval. “very fitting. though i think i prefer love over hopper, though,” he cooed.

you preened. “i love you too, moony.” as if on instinct, you stood on your hind legs and lifted yourself to the underside of moony’s head, where you rubbed your chin on the fur there. 

wormtail, padfoot, and prongs gave each other indecipherable looks. wormtail spoke first. “did you- did you just scent him?”

“what does that even mean?” you denied.

“yeah, we’re just affectionate, s’all.” moony added.

“good godric, i’m tired. is anybody else tired?” you whined, stretching your body until you were very flat and long. 

moony nudged you with his nose affectionately. “go to sleep, little one. the others will wake you up when it’s time to go.”

so you closed your eyes, curled up against the warmth of moony’s chest, feeling his heart beat steadily against your body—the body you’d sacrificed months of time for in order to be here with him.

･ﾟ⋆☾*･ﾟ.・。.*゜✭・･ﾟ✫・⋆。.

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