'Here is a handful of shadow I have brought back to you: this decay, this hope, this mouth- ful of dirt, this poetry.' — Margaret Atwood. Cl
people who're still here, hi (and why??)! it's been a long, long time. i hope life has been good to you.
i started this blog at seventeen and now i'm twenty-seven. it's been a whole damn decade. can you believe this? i've since moved across the continent and back again, had sex for the first time and then many more (yes, i was a virgin then), and done many other things i never thought i'd do, like trying and failing to smoke weed. or doing a phd on what we talk about when we talk about insanity. i have been very sad and very happy. most of the time i'm both. i still read a lot of sylvia plath and make inappropriate jokes (which are not really jokes, according to my approved mental health professional) about dying, but things seem a lot more serious now than they did when i was a teenager, and i try to take them as seriously as i should.
writing is one of these things. to quote plath: I wonder about all the roads not taken and am moved to quote Frost...but won't. It is sad to be able only to mouth other poets. I want someone to mouth me.' yes, i am aware of the irony.
all this to say that i now write, and you can find me on substack (it's as free as this blog has ever been). i realise i never really wrote on here, but somehow the blog—a curation (lol) of indie, artsy, cringe sad-girl music and poetry and photography—still seems to have preserved a big, big part of me. and it'll remain that way. i'm just starting again somewhere else.
oh and if you don't use substack but would like to keep up in other ways—it's @handfulofshadow on both instagram and threads (yeah, who would've thought) !!
