problem child

you groan, opening your eyes to darkness. you don't hear anything, and you're not quite sure what woke you up. a shooting pain through your head quickly solves that mystery though, making you groan again and curl in on yourself.

rolling over in the hopes of finding a more comfortable position, you glance at the clock on your nightstand. it's 4am, and you know you're supposed to have classes in the morning.

you also know that your body probably wouldn't have its shit together in time, and grab your phone to text your friend about bringing over notes.

almost immediately the typing bubble pops up on his side of the chat, his insomnia apparently keeping him from getting any sleep either. you briefly wonder if he'll actually be at the morning lecture to get notes in the first place.

after a few seconds of typing, you get the text;

chrispy creme you alright man?

you snort, responding quickly.

do i seem alright, christopher?

chrispy creme yeah okay maybe it was a dumb question what happened?

i'm chronically ill, y'know, the usual

chrispy creme oof omw

??? the fuck you mean "omw" chris the fuck do you MEAN OMW ???

after a needlessly stressful ten minutes, there's a knock at your door. you thank the universe that you don't have a roommate, and drag yourself out of bd.

opening the door, you're momentarily blinded by the hallway lights. you still don't understand why the university keeps the dorm lights so bright all hours of the day, but it's not like there's a whole lot you can do. instead, you step slightly to the side and gesture for your best friend to come in.

"you're a nightmare, you know that right?"

"well hello to you too," chan turns and grins at you, and you squint at him in response, not in the mood for him to be so cheerful in your immediate vicinity.

apparently realizing that he's unlikely to get a reply, he reaches into his backpack, something you hadn't previously noticed, and pulls out one of his hoodies, offering it to you. you grab it quickly, immediately putting it on. it's a bit big on him, so it's noticeably oversized on you, which is your preferred hoodie size anyway.

"you have passed the first test."

he snorts and plonks a plastic bag onto the table just outside your kitchenette, then drops his backpack next to your couch with a loud thud as you dig through the bag on the table, ultimately pulling out a container of ice cream.

you feel yourself starting to smile.

grabbing two spoons from the drying rack by the sink you offer one to him, collapsing onto your couch after he takes it. chan sits next to you, digging his spoon into the now open ice cream. you both sit in silence for a bit, eating ice cream and appreciating each other's company.

after you've made a good dent in the ice cream, chan huffs slightly.

"so, what was it this time?"

you sigh, knowing that there's really no reason not to tell him, "headaches again. i still don't know what causes it but it really sucks."

"your doctor hasn't tried to help with it?"

"i mean, you know how it is. lots of appointments, and tests, and trial and error, and that's only if they believe me in the first place. it doesn't happen often enough that i wanna deal with all of that. plus, if it's something that they can't do anything about? that would be even worse."

you feel the weight of chan's head on top of yours and you laugh quietly, "i don't know if this will fix it, but it's definitely nice."

chan laughs too, and you can feel his laughter everywhere your bodies are touching.

"i know, it's just... i'm sorry you have to deal with this. maybe if i concentrate hard enough i can absorb it instead."

you gently smack his arm, "chris! you have enough trouble sleeping as it is, and you already push yourself too much on top of that. if you joke about taking on my issues again i'm gonna kill you."

glancing at the clock you realize it's already closing in on 6am and you grab the lid for the ice cream. chan picks up on the gesture and grabs both spoons, dropping them in the sink as you stick the ice cream into your freezer.

you can see chan looking at the door, but before he has a chance to make a decision you grab his hand and tug him over to your room.

"we should at least try to be up in time for the lecture, right? if we try to steal seungmin's notes again i think he might kill us."

chan laughs but allows himself to be dragged down into bed with you, wrapping his arms around your waist as you reach for your blankets.

by the time you've managed to find a comfortable position to lie in his eyes are already half-closed, but he's still looking at you with a gooey sweet smile. you snort and gently cover his eyes, feeling his eyelashes flutter against your palm as he fights to keep them open.

your flashlight beam disappears, though this time it's because you've turned it off, not because something is broken. the familiar lights appear, lighting a path through the underbrush. you know the way well enough, but you enjoy watching the lights as they dance around you.

you're not a faerie, but most of the creatures in the forest treat you like one, knowing you're in felix's favor. once, when walking to your apartment with a friend, a crow landed on your shoulder, and when you reached up to pet it, it dropped a sparkling necklace into your hand. it stayed on your shoulder the rest of the walk, which took some explaining when your friend inevitably asked.

you reach the clearing, always bathed in pale moonlight, even when the rest of the forest is dark. you sit down on a fallen log, pulling out a small bag of cereal and another of seeds and nuts. before long, the clearing is alive with small birds and animals.

after some time, a doe and her fawn nose their way into the clearing, and you snap a still-green stick from a small tree and peel the bark off to offer the two. the fawn takes the bark quickly, and you're able to softly pat its nose. the doe is less trusting, but eventually takes the offered treat.

you hear the sound of bells on the wind and look up as felix comes into the space. you smile, glad to see him again.

he takes a seat on the log next to you, and the small creatures that had been surrounding you direct their attention briefly to him, but quickly go back to nosing at you when they realize he doesn't have any food for them.

he looks offended by the rejection and you giggle, finding his reaction cuter than it reasonably should be.

"they like food more than you," you inform him. felix just rolls his eyes, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

"i like you more than food if that helps?"

this time felix laughs, and rests his head on top of yours, "i'll take it."

a breeze blows through the clearing and you shiver, leaning further into the boy next to you. he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you even closer. it's getting to be winter, and you know that visiting is going to become harder and harder.

you hum quietly, continuing to feed the animals clustered around your feet. the animals come and go, some staying after they've eaten in order to get affection from the two of you, others quickly leaving once they're done.

you notice there's a squirrel being bullied away from the scattered treats, and you lean forward carefully, directly offering it a piece of cereal. the small animal takes the treat, before climbing up your arm and sitting on your shoulder to eat it. felix grins at the interaction, always enjoying watching you with the animals.

eventually you scatter the last of the treats, keeping a couple pieces of cereal and a peanut for the squirrel still perched on your shoulder.

the crowd of animals disperses when they realize there's no more food to be had, but the squirrel on your shoulder stays. felix gently nudges you and you look up at him, tilting your head slightly to the side.

"it's past midnight, you should head back."

you pout slightly, this is always your least favorite part of the meetings you have, but then felix taps the tip of your nose and you can't help but smile.

he stands up and offers you a hand, pulling you to your feet when you take it. the squirrel that's been on your shoulder makes no attempt to move, and when you try to pick it up, it clings firmly to your sweatshirt. after a couple tries you give up, not wanting to injure the small animal.

you look at felix, tapping the tip of his nose the same way he'd tapped yours, and head out of the clearing. before you make it back into the woods, however, you feel him grab your arm.

turning to look at him, you're about to ask if everything's okay. before you can get the words out, you feel his lips on yours, feather light.

you're both frozen for a second, before you put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him in, smashing your lips together. you can almost taste the desperation in the kiss, but any rational thought melts away when you feel his hands tangle into your hair.

you think briefly that this might be a bad idea, but in the past your bad ideas have had good outcomes, and if this is the exception then so be it.

you break the kiss to catch your breath, reveling in the moment of pure euphoria. neither one of you makes any attempt to move away from the other, your ragged breathing the only sound filling the still night air.

"i should go..." you mumble, not moving.

"...yeah." but felix doesn't move either.

you're both scared of ending the moment you've wrapped yourselves in, not sure how you're supposed to leave after this. not sure how things might change when you come back.

without really thinking you ask, "come over?"

felix laughs slightly, making you realize you're dead serious. he seems to realize that too when you finally move, taking his hand and tugging him towards the edge of the clearing.

"i don't know if that's a good idea," he responds, and you can see sadness in his eyes.

"bad ideas are what got me here babe, what's one more?"

you'd used the petname so casually you barely noticed it, but you can see a light blush dust his cheeks.

in order to keep yourself from blushing more than you already are, you turn and pull at his hand again. this time, he follows without protest. just as you're about to leave the clearing, you feel a small weight drop onto your head. you pause, and felix laughs.

"i guess that squirrel really wants to stay with you."

as if on cue, the small animal moves from the top of your head back onto your shoulder, nudging your cheek with its nose. you smile softly, already forming a soft spot for the creature.

the will o' wisps reappear as you make your way out of the clearing and through the woods, heading in the direction of your apartment. you reach the path that cuts through the trees without much trouble, since your first visit you've gotten much better at navigating the tangled underbrush.

the lights disappear as you cross the tree line, and you smile softly. the rest of the walk to your apartment is relatively quiet, you and felix chatting softly about whatever came to mind.

your apartment block comes into sight, the units set up more like a motel than the hotel-like layouts most apartments have. you're glad that you don't have to smuggle a squirrel through hallways or into an elevator, and glad that you won't have to explain anything about having a visitor.

before you go to unlock your door, you pause at the mailbox. there's a small envelope clothespinned to it, your name scrawled on the front in familiar handwriting. you snort, already having an idea of what's inside.

you stick the envelope in your back pocket, pulling out the key to your apartment and slotting it into the lock, opening the door as soon as you hear the confirmatory click of the door unlocking.

"c'mon in," you pull felix into your apartment, your cat emerging from whatever pocket dimension cats hang out in when she hears the door open.

as you turn to close and lock the door, felix crouches down, holding out a hand for your cat to inspect.

your cat's loud, rumbling purr soon fills the space and you laugh quietly, of course she loves felix. the squirrel on your shoulder soon catches her attention, the two of them sniffing at the other. you're not sure what to do if they don't get along, but luckily enough they seem to have no issues with eachother.

you turn to look at felix again, "want anything to eat?"

he tilts his head at you, and you gesture for him to follow you into the kitchen area.

"i've got uhhhhhhh," rummaging through your cupboards you pull out a box of shortbread.

"shortbread?" you hold up the brightly colored box. the squirrel and your cat join you in the kitchen, both looking for food. you roll your eyes and hand the box of cookies to felix.

he sits on the counter, watching as you pick up your cat's food dish and fill it with a can of wet food. the squirrel is sitting next to felix, trying to grab at the shortbreads. he gives one to the small animal and smiles at it munching happily. your cat is standing at your feet yelling, and you sigh and set her food dish on the rubber placemat in the corner of the kitchen, also refilling her water dish.

once your cat is eating happily, you sit next to felix on the counter and grab for some of the shortbreads. he laughs and puts a piece in his mouth, holding it out towards you. you roll your eyes and lean forward, kissing him, and taking the cookie when he opens his mouth slightly.

he blinks a couple times, then glares at you. you just smile back, happily munching on your prize. it doesn't take long before he's smiling too, and laughs quietly.

"you asked for it!"

he rolls his eyes but doesn't argue, instead leaning his head on your shoulder and closing his eyes. you reach up to mess with his hair, reminded of dandelion fluff.

you can feel your eyelids getting heavy and you yawn, prompting felix to look at you.

"'m tired, c'mon," you hop off the counter and grab his hand, dragging him in the direction of your room. your cat follows suit, the squirrel not far behind. you gesture to your bed, covered in plushys and unmade. you're too tired to feel embarrassed. grabbing an oversized t-shirt and comfy pants you turn back to felix, now sitting on the bed, and hand them to him.

grabbing your own pjs, you duck into your bathroom to change and brush your teeth. when you return to your room felix has changed also, and is sitting on your bed again. you drop your laundry into a basket in the corner, flopping facedown onto your bed next to felix. a moment later you feel him playing with your hair.

shuffling around, you manage to lie down properly, patting the space next to you, pulling up the blankets when felix lies down. he quickly goes back to playing with your hair and you hum in contentment, starting to doze off almost immediately.

jeongin yawns as he waits for customers, it's been a slow morning and he was up late last night working on an assignment for one of his classes.

he jolts slightly when he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see felix, who wordlessly hands him a coffee and nudges him out from behind the counter. jeongin smiles gratefully, opting to sit at the counter so he can still talk to felix.

he takes a sip of the coffee and immediately feels better, though he's not sure if that's just some kinda placebo. either way he's grateful for the boost as he takes another drink.

"so," felix starts, turning to look at jeongin, "what's kicking your ass this time?"

jeongin rolls his eyes "it's my chem professor again, i checked my assignment like three times before i submitted it and he still sent it back because it needs 'more work', but he won't tell me what the hell he wants me to do!"

felix snorts slightly, he'd been in the same class before, "that professor just hates everyone. don't take it to heart."

"i'm not taking it to heart, but i am about to take it to the dean."

"honestly? go for it. i'm sure there's plenty of students who'd be willing to back up your story, myself included."

jeongin laughs, "thanks for the support."

"that's what friends are for," felix answers, grinning at jeongin as he ruffles the younger boy's hair.

jeongin swats felix's hand away, but before he can complain about it the bell over the door sounds, alerting the pair to a customer.

felix turns and puts on his best customer service smile, which is easy for him since he's basically sunshine in human form. jeongin envies his ability to not look like he'd rather die than work another shift as he takes a longer than necessary drink of the coffee he'd been neglecting.

jeongin can't actually see the person ordering because of the way the café is set up, all he can see is a mess of curly blond hair. he finishes his coffee off and ducks behind the counter again, chucking the now empty cup into the bin and glancing at the ticket felix hands him.

he makes the iced latte quickly, before handing it back to felix, who sets it on the counter under the 'order pickup' sign.

"latte for chan!"

jeongin glances up out of habit when he hears felix's voice, but his eyes catch on the person who walks up to the counter. he smiles, revealing dimples, and jeongin swears he can feel his heart stop for a second before it starts beating twice as fast.

trying to hide the blush he can feel taking over his cheeks, he turns and pretends to tidy the setup behind the counter. it's not entirely an act, neither he nor felix is particularly neat, but because of how few customers they've had it's not nearly as messy as usual, and jeongin finishes up quickly.

he exhales slightly when he hears the bell above the door sound again and looks up, only to be met with a smirking felix.

"what?" he can feel the blush returning, but tries to ignore it. felix, however, does no such thing.

"oooh innie's got a cruuuush-" he squishes jeongin's cheeks, quickly being swatted away again.

"no i don't."

"mhm, tell that to yourself after looking in the mirror for a sec."

jeongin rolls his eyes, "how would i even have a crush on him? we didn't talk and i barely saw his face."

"and yet you look like a tomato?"

"hush."

felix laughs, but returns to where he'd been idling near the register, switching the topic back to their classes.

this time felix is the one yawning during another painfully slow shift a few days later. jeongin makes a coffee for the blond as well as one for himself, since his chemistry professor is still out for blood.

"so, what's your excuse?" he asks felix, raising his eyebrows.

felix yawns again, taking a gulp of coffee before he answers, "movie marathon with jisung."

"jeez, at least i had a good reason for almost falling asleep on shift."

"i wasn't even scheduled to be on shift today! but hyunjin called in sick and i kinda need the overtime pay right now."

jeongin frowns, "did something happen?"

felix tries to smile at him, but it's paper-thin. "one of my sisters got sick, it's nothing that bad," he adds quickly, seeing the worry on jeongin's face, "but i wanted to help since my parents are both super stressed about it, and i don't need the money nearly as urgently as they do."

jeongin nods, "that's fair," then after a moment of consideration, "wanna go for lunch after shift?"

felix laughs slightly, "is that you trying to make me feel better?"

"yes, and me trying to make sure you actually eat something, if you pass out again i will cry."

felix scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, last time he'd been particularly stressed he'd barely slept and had forgotten to eat, and the combination ended with him passing out. jeongin had a breakdown when he heard, and felix promised to not let it happen again.

felix finishes his coffee and tosses the cup in the trash, then turns back to jeongin, "where do you wanna go?"

jeongin shrugs, "i don't care, wherever works."

once again they're interrupted by the door, felix's mood shifting when he notices who it is. jeongin follows felix's actions and recognizes the person felix had teased him about before. he groans internally, knowing felix won't let this chance to annoy him go to waste.

as jeongin waits for felix to take the order, he notices the two chatting, seemingly close. jeongin walks up behind felix and gently smacks him on the back of the head.

felix jumps slightly and turns to glare at jeongin, who just glares back.

eventually felix rolls his eyes and turns away, and jeongin snorts quietly, "i win."

felix just sticks the order ticket to jeongin's forehead, "good job dumbass, now do your actual job."

jeongin pulls the ticket off his face, "i could say the same to you, mr social butterfly."

felix tries to smack jeongin but the younger quickly ducks out of the way and moves further out of range as he starts working on the ticket. it's the same as before, and jeongin finishes the drink just quickly as he had the first time.

before he can turn and give the drink to felix, he's being pushed towards the order pickup area. he rolls his eyes but knows that he won't win this one and doesn't feel like inconveniencing someone just because felix is being petty.

he sets the coffee on the counter and glances at the name, even though he still remembers.

"latte for chan?"

the person in the corner looks up when his name is called, putting his phone in his pocket as he walks to the counter.

jeongin smiles at chan as he picks up his drink, "have a nice day!"

chan smiles back, "you too."

this time felix doesn't tease jeongin immediately, but jeongin can tell that the blond is watching him closely, and that he won't just let it go.

jeongin turns to felix, pointing at him when he opens his mouth, "no, nope, not right now, you can mock me at lunch."

felix grins, and jeongin gets the gut feeling that he's made a mistake.

chan's visits have become regular, sometimes he comes alone, sometimes he comes with friends. jeongin has noticed how felix stares at one of the people chan comes in with often, another student named changbin, and teases him for it anytime he's being teased about how he acts around chan.

because of them being on even terrain with teasing, there's an uneasy truce between the two. jisung had tried to tease both of them at least once, but as soon as minho was mentioned he quickly shut up again.

it's another slow shift, jeongin is convinced that felix invites chan to the café whenever it's slow since the two have become friends, so he's not surprised when he sees chan walk in, changbin close behind.

chan says something to changbin that jeongin doesn't catch, but the shorter turns red and punches him in the shoulder, which just makes chan laugh loudly.

jeongin is acutely aware of how his heart stutters when he hears chan's laugh.

as he's taking the pair's order, felix comes out of the breakroom, immediately blushing when he sees changbin.

he's more dressed up than usual because one of the people he dances with is planning to drag him to some art gallery after his shift. when he told jeongin the younger just snorted and gave him a pat on the shoulder, wishing him good luck.

jeongin notices that chabgbin turns the same red he had when chan was teasing him before, and makes a mental note of it.

jeongin turns to felix and sticks the order ticket to his forehead, getting flipped off before felix removes the paper.

neither one of them really needs the ticket since the pair's order is the same as always, but they enjoy annoying each other and sticking order tickets onto each other's hair or clothes is an easy way to do that.

unsurprisingly, felix starts changbin's drink, so jeongin starts on chan's, handing it to felix when it's done. felix sets the drinks on the counter, not needing to actually call out their names since they're the only two customers, but he does anyway.

"order for chan and changbin!"

out of the corner of his eye jeongin notices two things, one, that felix is holding a pastry bag with changbin's drink, and two, that chan basically shoves changbin towards the counter from their table.

changbin takes the drinks and the bag, he and felix both being almost painfully shy as they interact. jeongin rolls his eyes, but doesn't actually say anything.

when changbin gets back to the table and sets chan's drink down he smacks his friend on the back of the head, which chan ignores in favor of zeroing in on the bag changbin is holding.

jeongin can't actually tell what they're saying, but from how red changbin's face is turning, and how much chan is laughing, he has a pretty good idea of their conversation.

when he looks back at felix, he sees the blond hiding his face behind his hands. jeongin snorts, always ready to make fun of his friend.

"so, what dumb thing did you do this time."

felix mumbles something, but his face is still hidden and jeongin can't actually hear what he's saying.

"you what now-"

felix looks up, redder than jeongin's ever seen him, "iwrotemynumberonthebag-"

they're both silent for a second before jeongin starts laughing, and felix returns to hiding his face in his hands.

rainy days are always busy in the small café, and the regular two person shift jeongin and felix work turns into a three person shift when felix desperately texts jisung to come help.

all three of them are working as fast as possible, but they're still barely keeping up. when chan and changbin come in and see the chaos, they both just sit at the counter and chat instead of adding to the trio's workload.

all three baristas are anxious, and all three have their own way of dealing with it. jisung is rapping something under his breath, jeongin is singing quietly, and felix is dancing around as he works.

when there's finally a lull in the flood of customers, they all sigh in relief.

jisung snorts, leaning against the counter, "we should start a band."

jeongin flicks him on the side of the head, "yeah that'd definitely work out, it's not like we all have a metric fuckton of other things happening or something."

jisung puffs out his cheeks, looking more like a squirrel than ever, and felix laughs. "is it possible to agree with both of you?"

jeongin shrugs, "yeah probably."

"okay then i agree with both of you."

jeongin glances behind felix to chan and changbin, "what do y'all think?"

the two had been talking about something else but break it off to look at jeongin when he addresses them.

chan tilts his head, "think about what?"

jisung grins, "we should start a band!"

chan and changbin both light up when the topic of music is mentioned, felix and jeongin glancing at each other warily. they already know how excitable jisung is about music, and hope just a little bit that neither of the other two get too invested in the topic, but those hopes are quickly shattered when they all start talking faster and faster.

jeongin turns to look at felix, "are they having a conversation or a rap battle right now?"

the aussie laughs, shrugging his shoulders in response.

the next time chan visits he's alone, which neither felix nor jeongin were expecting. he'd been coming in with changbin almost every time he'd been at the café recently, and jeongin can see the worry on felix's face as he gets out his phone.

jeongin figures he's texting changbin and takes his place behind the register. chan's order is the same as always, and their interaction is almost scripted at this point.

so, when jeongin hands chan his drink and chan gives him a lopsided grin in return, asking for his number, the younger boy stops functioning for a second.

chan laughs, but not mockingly, jeongin thinks it sounds almost affectionate. jeongin blushes fiercely, and tries to hide his face.

"give me your phone and i'll add it."

chan nods and hands jeongin his phone, who adds his number, but leaves the contact name blank.

"you can put whatever," he explains when chan looks confused.

he doesn't expect for chan to label his contact "cute barista 🩷", and he turns the same color as the heart at the end.

felix comes up to the pair and makes a shooing motion at chan, "get lost, you're distracting the workers."

jeongin rolls his eyes, "says the one who was on his phone for like ten minutes."

felix pauses for a moment before shrugging, "yeah fair enough."

"i do have to leave though, before changbin kills me." chan gives jeongin another lopsided grin and waves, jeongin just barely remembering to wave back.

felix raises an eyebrow when jeongin comes onto shift, seemingly walking on air.

"what's got you so bright today?"

jeongin grins widely, "chan asked me out!"

felix makes a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, "took him long enough."

jeongin tilts his head at the blond, not sure what he means.

felix sighs, "don't tell chan i told you this, but according to binnie he's been talking about you almost since his first visit here."

jeongin blinks several times before turning bright red, prompting felix to laugh loudly, getting a punch in the shoulder in return.

"well, hopefully today's shift goes quickly, you should leave a few minutes early, i'll cover for you."

jeongin shakes his head slightly, "no, it's fine."

"it wasn't a question, dummy."

jeongin rolls his eyes, but doesn't object further.

the two work quickly, using their freetime to talk about this and that. after some prodding, felix admits that he and changbin have a date planned for later that week, blushing fiercely as he does.

jeongin annoys him about it for a bit, but eventually topics shift again. their shift takes just as long as usual, but since nothing out of the ordinary happens, and he's at an all-time high, it feels like it only takes minutes to jeongin.

five minutes before he's supposed to clock out, felix nudges him towards the breakroom, "get your bag n stuff, i told jisung to come in early so i can fix up your hair."

jeongin rolls his eyes slightly, but doesn't object. he steps into the breakroom just as jisung walks in, he initially looks less than happy about clocking in early, but his face lights up when ne notices jeongin.

"baby bread has a dAAaaaAAAaaAAate," he singsongs, and jeongin blushes again.

jisung and felix quickly swap places, jeongin dropping onto one of the chairs in the room to let felix do whatever he's planning for his hair.

felix works impressively quick, humming in satisfaction after only a few minutes. when jeongin reaches up to feel his hair, his fingers brush across a braid, done tightly to the side of his head.

this time it's jisung's turn to stick his head through the doorway, "chan's here is jeongin ready."

felix gives a thumbs-up, shoving jeongin towards the front of the café. jeongin feels his breath catch when he sees chan, and he gets the strong urge to run his fingers through the older's hair.

felix and jisung share a knowing look, and jisung tells jeongin to "go get your mans."

jeongin smacks the back of jisung's head in return, but steps out from behind the counter anyway, giving a middle finger when felix wolf whistles.

chan laughs at the trio, affection floating behind his eyes, and offers jeongin his hand , "ready?"

jeongin takes his hand with a smile, pausing for a moment to appreciate chan's dimples, "ready."

jeongin looks up at the sound of the bell over the door, smiling when he sees chan and changbin walk in. felix also looks in the direction of the door, lighting up when he sees his boyfriend. jeongin rolls his eyes affectionately, but he's in the same situation, so he knows he has no room to talk.

by the time the two have gotten up to the counter jeongin already has their order in, but makes sure to confirm it with them in case they want something other than the usual.

felix hums as he works, and jeongin can practically see the hearts in changbin's eyes. he makes chan's drink as felix makes changbin's, the two taking their usual seats at the counter, the baristas leaning on the counter as they talk.

"y'know," felix starts, "it's getting close to christmas."

jeongin grimaces, which makes chan laugh.

felix just rolls his eyes, "ok mr. scrooge."

changbin laughs at his boyfriend's attitude, standing up slightly to give felix a quick kiss when the freckled boy pouts at him.

"we should do something christmas break," chan suggests, the other three nodding in agreement.

"do what though?" changbin is the one to ask, and gets no immediate response.

"i was gonna go home for christmas, i haven't seen my family in a while and my sister's been on-again off-again sick for a couple months now," felix is the first to give an answer, and chan hums in agreement.

"i haven't seen my family in a while either, i wouldn't mind going home for a bit."

changbin and jeongin glance at eachother, each appreciating how their boyfriends light up when talking about australia.

"well, i guess i'll be working some serious overtime before break starts," jeongin laughs, changbin nodding.

"me too."

the aussies turn to them, looking confused, and jeongin laughs quietly.

changbin offers a short, "plane tickets," in explanation, jeongin tilting his head in the older's direction as agreement.

"you're not getting rid of us that easily."

opening your locker, you're met by a folded piece of notebook paper fluttering to the ground, landing at your feet. you pick it up just as your best friend makes it to his locker, a few down from yours. immediately he zeroes in on the note in your hand.

"another one?"

rolling your eyes slightly you nod, "good morning to you too, jeongin."

ignoring your tone, he gives a terrifyingly cheery "good morning!" in response

"ugh, it's too early for that kind of energy, go away you freak."

"yeah yeah, what's the note say?"

you shrug, "dunno, i haven't read it yet."

he gasps dramatically, "well read it then!"

before you have a chance to tell him to piss off, the warning bell rings. the entire hall stops, then turns into a frenzy of students trying to get to their first hour before they were counted as late. you share a wide-eyed look with jeongin before you each make a mad dash to your classes.

there's not much happening in your homeroom, so you take the opportunity to read the note. it's different from the others, it says that the author will be sitting at one of the outside tables for lunch if you want to meet them. you're immediately glad you didn't read it while jeongin was around.

you send him a quick text saying that you're gonna be sitting somewhere else at lunch so you could meet the person who's been leaving you notes. he immediately responds with "WHAT", but the bell rings before he can freak out further. luckily you don't have any morning classes with jeongin so he can't bother you in person either.

morning classes somehow take both forever and no time at all, and as soon as the lunch bell rings you're on your way to the cafeteria as quickly as possible without getting yelled at by a hall monitor. one of them, a senior named chan, does give you a warning look as you rush by, but it's clear he's trying not to smile at the same time.

the two of you aren't quite friends, mostly because you're in different years, but you've had electives together before, and get along well. realizing you have a music elective with him for your last hour, you make a mental note to explain things to him.

you make it to the cafeteria without running into jeongin, which, all things considered, was a minor miracle. hurrying across the room, you reach the doors to the small courtyard that the school allowed students to eat lunch in.

the weather isn't great, so it's mostly deserted, but there are still a few students scattered around. your eyes land on the table you'd been directed to in the note, but it's empty. for a moment you wonder if you'd been set up, if this had been some cruel joke, but you take a seat at the table anyway.

while you wait, you grab your notebook and start on music homework that you really should've finished last week. chan had texted you about it a couple times, but eventually gave up and sent a game of cup pong instead.

you're so focused on your work that you don't immediately notice when someone sits down across from you. the thing that gets your attention is their hand waving at the edge of your vision.

looking up, you blink a couple times before smiling at the person now fidgeting nervously, "hi jisung."

he looks startled and you tilt your head, slightly confused.

"you know my name?"

grinning, you nod, "yeah! chan talks about you a lot, i've been bugging him to introduce us sometime."

he groans, "oh god, what'd he say?"

you laugh at his immediate distrust of his best friend, knowing full well you'd be the same with jeongin.

"mostly good things, he complains sometimes but he just sounds like a dad, not like he's actually upset about anything."

jisung puffs his cheeks out slightly before sighing, the sight making you laugh again.

"you look like a chipunk!"

he puffs his cheeks out again and you laugh even harder, jisung laughing as well after a few seconds.

"so," you start once you can breathe again, "you're the one responsible for the notes in my locker?"

he nods, sheepishly scratching at the back of his neck, "yeah, i was worried about how you'd react if i told you since we don't really know each other and i wasn't sure if you were into guys anyway-"

holding up a finger to cut him off, you try not to laugh again.

"i'm friends with jeongin and hyunjin, and i hang out with chan and felix, and you thought i was straight?"

he pauses, "okay maybe i was being overly dramatic but still!"

you roll your eyes slightly, still smiling.

"anyway, chan said you'd been losing your mind about the notes and eventually he and changbin bullied me into telling you."

you're not surprised that chan and changbin had been responsible for convincing jisung, chan had mentioned his anxiety before.

after a slight pause you hold out your hand, "here gimme your phone."

he furrows his brows slightly before handing you the device. you snort and hand it back, "unlocked, romeo."

blushing slightly, he unlocks it and you add your number to his contacts, leaving the name blank, just shrugging when he gives you a confused look.

a moment later you get a text with a screenshot of your contact name, "juliet" glaring at you from the screen. you flip him off and he laughs as you add him to your contacts as "romeo".

he makes a face when you show him, "does this mean we're both gonna die?"

standing up, you lean across the table and smack him lightly on the back of his head, "do not jinx this, do not tempt the fates, do not speak that into existence," you punctuate each statement w,ith another smack.

he laughs, covering his head wiith his arms, "okay, okay! i'll stop!"

you're about to ask if he wants to hang out sometime, but the bell cuts you off, announcing the end of lunch and making both of you jump. rushing to shove your work back into your bag, you end up knocking your notebook off the table, all the notes he'd left you scattering across the ground.

cursing, you hurry to collect them before they could be snatched away by the wind. jisung blinks a couple times before quickly crouching down to help you.

when they're all tucked safely back in the pocket of your notebook, and the notebook itself is stowed in your bag, he looks at you again, "you kept them."

it's more a statement than it is a question, but it still makes you blush. you turn slightly to the side, "'course. why wouldn't i?" it's a mostly rhetorical question you both know the answer to.

the warning bell rings and you both jump again, rushing back into the building and almost sprinting to your classes. you get another warning look from chan, but you can tell it's not that serious this time either.

the next two hours pass in a blur, jeongin almost getting himself sent to the office twice for bothering you instead of paying attention. by seventh hour, you're about ready to duct tape his mouth shut. thankfully it's another class you don't share, and his only way to bug you is by text, which you quickly mute.

collapsing into the seat across from chan, you feel yourself deflate slightly. chan snorts, "rough day?"

groaning, you open your eyes again, "it was great, except for the fact that jeongin."

"oooh, something good happen?"

you give him a look and he breaks down into a fit of giggles, confirming your suspicions that he knew damn well what'd happened at lunch.

"oh can it, i've heard enough of that from jeongin."

chan stops laughing after a couple minutes, switching his attention back to the class. it's a fairly laid-back one, so you usually do more talking than working. you both work on music in your free time anyway.

hyunjin drops into the seat next to you, five minutes late and looking half-dead. you stare at him for a couple seconds, "how's dance team been treating you?"

he groans loudly in response, dropping his head onto the table with an audible thud.

"hey hey be careful, you don't have enough extra braincells to be treating them like that," chan is grinning as he says it, his grin widening when hyunjin flips him off.

the day ends before you really want it to, having been in the middle of a debate about barbie movies with chan and hyunjin. as you're heading out of the building, bickering with jeongin over whose house you're gonna crash, your phone buzzes with a text.

there's a strange kind of melancholy in the air around you. the sky is a weak shade of grey, almost as if it can't manage enough care to turn a true stormy grey.

it's ironic, you're not sure if the weather matches your mood or if your mood matches the weather. either way, it's not a pleasant combination.

you almost wished that the sky would just open, turn to an actual storm, anything but this odd limbo state. it was fitting, and you didn't want it to be.

you were in your own limbo, you didn't need the world to be in limbo with you, didn't want anyone else to be stuck in the same space of uncertainty you found yourself in.

and yet, as you sit by the window of your apartment, the sky is blank. you refocus on your reflection instead of the world outside, your expression as blank as the sky.

you try to remember the last time you'd felt anything really, anything besides this crushing apathy. and every memory leads back to him.

lee felix. your best friend, or who used to be at least. he'd stopped talking to you, apologized again and again because he hadn't just ghosted you, he told you that he needed space. you think you would've preferred him ghosting you.

you know that he doesn't want to hurt you, he never wanted to hurt you, and in a way, he hasn't. you can't feel hurt if you don't feel anything in the first place.

you'd always half-expected this to happen, he was the sun in human form, and you often wondered why he'd stuck around so long. after all, you might as well have been a black hole. but felix had balanced you out, he made things brighter, and you kept him grounded when he needed it.

you're not entirely sure how long you've been staring out the window, but there are clouds in the sky again. if the weather is reflecting your mood, you figure the clouds can only be memories. they drift across the sky, lingering just a bit too long, but there's nothing you can do to make them dissipate.

you only return to your body again instead of some place in the sky when you hear a knock on your apartment door. you ignore it, not wanting to see anyone, not wanting to remember what having someone there for you felt like.

but when you hear a key turning in the lock, any uncertainty solidifies into a solid mass of dread pressing down on your chest, crushing your lungs. you know full well that only one person besides you has a key to your apartment, and you curse yourself for not trying to get it back.

because if there was anyone you didn't want to see right now, it was the person currently opening the door. he looks almost as bad as you, and your throat tightens at the sight. you wish you didn't care, wish you could tell him to leave again, tell him that you didn't want to see him right now, no matter how much you needed to.

for a few long seconds you both look at each other across the apartment, the only light coming from the windows and the pale grey day.

"felix," it's all you can get out before tears threaten to fall, and you hide your face in your hands. you wish that it didn't matter so much to you, that he didn't matter so much to you.

a moment later you're being wrapped in a hug, and he's rubbing your back, mumbling countless "sorry"s into your hair. as soon as you feel his arms around you you let yourself break, feel yourself shatter in a way you'd been so close to since he left, but always managed to avoid with the knowledge that there'd be nobody to pick up the pieces.

you hope that he'll stay long enough to pick up the pieces.

when you can breathe again, you lift your head to meet his eyes. neither of you speak, afraid to break the fragile connection, afraid that if anything else breaks you may not be able to fix it.

leaning further into him, you try to figure out how to put everything into words.

"i missed you," is what you finally say, and hope that he knows you care, no matter how much you struggle to communicate.

he hugs you tighter, like he's scared you'll fade away if he lets go.

"i missed you too, i'm sorry y/n, i was an idiot."

you manage a small laugh, "yeah, you were."

"hey! you're not supposed to agree with me!"

"but it's true!"

he huffs, making you laugh again.

you hate yourself for a second, for how easily you welcomed felix back into your life, but it's not like you'd never done something stupid when feeling overwhelmed. and you both needed the other, you'd known that from the first time you'd met.

almost as if the universe was confirming something to you, the grey sky brightens into a bright blue, the melancholy clouds reorganizing into cottony white ones.

seasonal depression is nothing new, in fact it's something you're far more used to than you'd like to be. while some loved winter, for you it was the time of year where any regular depression was compounded by the gloom of late dawns and early sunsets and the inability to enjoy going outside.

the difference this time is that you have a boyfriend, and you wish that you could be happy, wish that you could be grateful, but wrapped tightly in a blanket as you watch the grey sky outside the window across your room, you can feel the creeping sensation of a panic attack starting to crawl across your skin. in some part of your brain you can hear your phone buzzing, but the buzzing melds into the feelings of panic, and you curl further into yourself.

the sun is setting, almost set, blanketing your room in darkness. you know that turning on your lights would help, would make this whole thing less suffocating, but it's so much easier to just resign yourself. getting up to turn on the light takes effort, but simply spiraling further takes nothing at all.

your phone is buzzing again, another thing you know you should pay attention to, but you just can't drag yourself out of your own head long enough to do anything about it. it feels like the world is collapsing onto you, and for a moment you wish it would.

you lift your head slightly, the world is in black and white, and it feels like all your senses are muffled by cotton wool. you drop your forehead back onto your knees, the energy it takes to keep it raised somehow more than you have in you.

you're not sure how long it's been, after the sun has set there's nothing left to indicate the time. you're trying to find the strength to get out of bed, to do anything, even just to look up.

from your blanket cocoon, you can see something light beyond your eyelids. for a second you think you're seeing things, maybe you pressed on your eyes by accident, but you don't actually feel any pressure on your eyes.

not sure what's happening, you lift your head slightly, almost immediately being met with the sight of your boyfriend standing near the door to your room. he's not looking at you, he's looking at your room, and you realize that he hasn't actually seen it before. you're suddenly very aware of the piles of stuffed toys scattered around, the posters on the walls, the makeup and jewelry strewn across the top of your dresser, the mess on your desk, the clothes piled in the corner. it feels as if every flaw in your personality is somehow scrawled across the room in glaring red letters.

and yet, when he notices you looking at him, changbin turns and smiles at you. in that moment, you feel like you might cry. as you feel yourself choking up, his eyes soften with concern. placing the bag he's holding on the floor, he carefully sits down next to you on your bed.

"hey, what's wrong?" you feel him pull you into his side, "talk to me bubs."

instead of talking, you feel tears start running down your face, changbin wiping them away as fast as they fall. he leaves feather-light kisses across your nose and cheeks.

you say it without thinking, "i love you," and once you've said it once it's like a floodgate has opened, you're repeating it so quickly that it becomes an incoherent babble, changbin peppering kisses across your face the whole time.

it takes time for you to calm down, more than you'd like, not keen on being seen in this state. but changbin sits and rubs your back as you try to pull yourself back into some kind of human form, a silent support.

it's only when you've stopped crying, are a more solid person than you'd been, he says it back.

"i love you too, now let's eat, yeah?"

you hum slightly, leaning further into his side, "nap with me?"

changbin sighs and flops onto his side, pulling you down with him, pulling up the blankets to cover you both. you quickly snuggle into him, grateful for the extra warmth.

"get some rest," you feel him place a kiss on your forehead, "i love you."