🔪

Monika lounges against Yuri a bit more, getting comfortable enough to feel like she doesn't even want to leave this spot. Eyes flicker up toward the girl's own, a heat gracing her cheeks. Again, no other shoe drops...nothing has changed from a moment ago, she's still here. And at this rate? It's really beginning to feel like she won't go anywhere.

This isn't how she'd anticipated her day panning out at all, but...she's not complaining. She might be discovering some things about herself, though. She swallows, a hand slowly raising to brush back a strand of Yuri's hair.

she always had a longing for affection without gender taking much account into it. that's readily apparent to her now. when monika asks, her tone a bit more subdued than usual, how yuri feels about her, yuri's breath hitches for a moment.

❛ i- i think you've got a talent for, um, bringing people together... ❜ like the two of them, case in point. yuri inhales sharply, continuing in a soft and wavering voice, ❛ and you've always been really sweet and patient with me in particular... more than what most people would be. ❜

She can almost feel the heat rising simply from being in the girl's proximity, more than a little familiar with her tendencies. Truth be told, she had figured this was a simply more private setting, so maybe she should have been a little bit more considerate. She feels a touch embarrassed, when she actually thinks about it.

"Oh-- Sorry, sorry." She giggles awkwardly, "I just figured, it's much less public and all..." She swallows softly, her body language a bit tentative...indecisive. She doesn't know if she should be so bold like this, and in fact she's never really humored the thought that she'd be permitted to. Again, the thought that this could all snap back to 'normal' before her eyes plagues her every decision.

So before she can think too deeply about it, she wraps her arms around the other's waist.

& then monika hugs her. yuri gasps softly, her body stiffened at first, but then she leans into the touch as if she's never been touched before, as if it's been a lifetime since she's been touched this much. monika is soft, warm — and so very welcome.

❛ i'd really like that, actually... ❜ she smiles a little, allowing her eyelids to flutter shut for a few passing moments as she regains a more regular breathing pace. ❛ i don't think you have too much to worry about, as far as i'm concerned. n- not right now, at least. it's just nice to be somewhere less public, and... enjoy your company. ❜

Oh? Oh. This...this is somewhat recognizable, yes. She should have realized that this might be a turn things would take, upon second thought. Yuri's obsessive behavior is not anything new to her, necessarily...she just hadn't ever considered the idea that it could be turned on her.

And she knows it's not exactly the healthiest response, either. A good friend might even find it prudent to nip this in the bud and let her down easy, before she gets too far. Monika, however, has never felt like a particularly good friend...And furthermore? Yuri has already made two fatal mistakes of her own. Telling Monika that she will stay, and demanding she be selfish. It's the only real permission she needs.

"I-- That's...a fair point..." She nods. Before now, she hadn't really lived for anything in particular. She hadn't asked to be made, and felt the only way to gain her freedom was to escape this place. Now she's beginning to think that even if she doesn't? There's plenty resistance in wrenching this space away from those who did make it.

She tilts her head slightly in consideration, her prior smile turning a bit sly.

❛ oh…! ❜ her voice is soft. this is her room; it's her room because she intrinsically knows that it is, like there's some part of her mind telling her it's an immutable fact. it's her room, so her knife collection must be nearby, & so the itch intensifies with her raising heart rate —

… but monika is here, and yuri shouldn't be rude to her friend ('friend'? really?) who's showing her the intimate secrets of the very world they're living in. still, monika may easily pick up on yuri's rapid breathing when the taller young woman speaks, her words stammered. ❛ wh– what an interesting ch– choice, monika! ❜

a nervous chuckle escapes her, gaze averted as yuri battles between her shyness and something far more intense to entirely hide. she dares herself to look back into monika's eyes. ❛ you… you really want to be here? alone? with just me? ❜

It certainly is a bit of a shock to the system, if nothing else. Yuri was always so meek, never imposing, and loud was not a word Monika would have ever used to describe her. When her voice raises enough to even echo off a single wall, it's an event so unprecedented that she knows she has to be treading in unfamiliar waters now. She instinctively winces for a moment, but when the girl retreats, she softens.

She grasps those hands back even tighter, as if to assure her that if nothing else Monika would not disappear out from under her.

"N-No, no! Forgive me, I...should have been a bit more sensitive." Her voice trails downward. That's an interesting word to choose, though...'profound'. It is true that aside from her, Yuri is now basically the only person who knows about the nature of this world. Perhaps there was something a little special about sharing that secret.

Her face does eventually lift from the other's shoulder, though only so she can look more directly into her eyes. She knows it's not right, to look with hope toward a girl who couldn't possibly do anything more to solve this situation than she could...but people look to stars for guidance all the time, right?

"I...I don't want to be alone, either." She's agonized over it for so long. Cynical as she may have become before, there was no part of her that delighted in the thought of leaving her friends behind. Knowing things they didn't was such an isolating experience, and now she feels a bit of that weight lifting from her shoulders.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to, so...this is a request, okay? You can respond however you want." She takes in a shaky breath, then releases it, finally making eye contact.

❛ i will. i'll stay. ❜ there's little to no hesitation on yuri's words; god knows she has the tendency to be a bit on the obsessive side, and the combination of both monika's revelation and the proximity is only fuel to the flame of yuri's tendencies. she always has been a particular fan of the concept of dedicating herself to another...

she returns monika's gaze as her own heart thumps heavily in her chest. if all of this is a simulation, then why does it feel so vivid, so real? nothing about yuri's feelings — her fear, her devotion, her anticipation for the future — nothing about it all feels fake to her.

finally, a hint of a smile shows on yuri's face. ❛ does it really matter if any of this isn't technically real? ❜ she asks, her voice soft but not without a hint of something extra — something passionate. ❛ i don't feel fake. you don't feel fake. maybe we can find ways to make this all feel real enough. ❜

"You're good for plenty." That response is a bit more kneejerk, almost hurried, like she can't wait to get it out of her mouth while she's saying it. She knows that's just how Yuri tends to talk about herself but...right now, it feels realer. It doesn't feel like a set of tropes she's meant to echo, running down the line of prepared responses.

"It's...hard to tell, honestly? For me, it's felt like an eternity. Realistically, it's probably only been about a month or so, at most." That's not even getting into the hot button issue which was their existence in general. From their perspective, to a certain point, they had lived for nearly two decades, built up by a foundation of memories old and new that served as their basis.

But in truth? She couldn't even guarantee that any of them had existed for more than a few years, at most.

❛ NO! you can't! ❜ yuri replies a little too soon, a little too loud, her voice echoing in the otherwise empty classroom — loud enough to leave her mortified and startled by the intensity and volume of her own voice. she hadn't intended to shout at monika like that; her posture slinks back, her hold on monika's hand loosening. she still doesn't let go, though.

❛ i- i mean... oh, god. i am SO sorry, monika. i- i didn't mean to raise m- my voice at you like that... ❜ she breathes heavily, her word as labored as her heavy breath. her pulse jackrabbits as she curls her fingers tighter around monika's, terrified of letting go. it doesn't even occur to her that one of the other classmates might walk in at any moment; it feels as if the whole world has dissolved into the void, like her & monika are the only people left.

Monika nearly jumps when her hand is held, teeth clenching to keep from chattering as she slumps lifelessly for a moment. Her forehead brushes with Yuri's shoulder.

"No, no, I know, I--" She swallows, choking back a crack in her voice. She was so well maintained usually, so pristinely put together. She feels like a tile that's shattering under pressure. "I'm sorry, this can't be an easier for you than for me...I feel a little selfish for putting you through all this."

❛ you're— you're welcome... ❜ & yet, her voice wavers with nerves, seeking out comfort in a way much akin to monika's, as if the other girl is the only anchor to all that she knows. ( she may very well be. what's even out there? the thought is spine-chilling. )

yuri wonders if monika can feel how much her hand is trembling.

❛ it's fine. you can be selfish. i'm just glad i can be good for something... even if it isn't under, um... ideal circumstances. ❜ heat radiates off of yuri as she stammers out a response. ❛ b-but it must've... must have been even more terrifying to realize all alone.

Monika is floored that this is actually happening, but quickly tries to reel herself back in. She had to act fast. She didn't know how long this would last, after all.

"...I'm sorry, that was probably a mean way of framing it. I wouldn't say that I didn't trust you but, well...you heard my reasons already, right?" Her smile is tired, much more obviously artificial now than it had been moments ago.

"It was...an epiphany, I guess? It's hard to describe, but...when I looked out of my window one day, just stargazing...it was like I was acutely aware of eyes watching me from beyond some point I couldn't see. And then I noticed other little things..."

People's routines, the limited scope of the world she roamed around in...

❛ w- well, i'm glad that you're not dead, ❜ she answers, voice faint as her gaze flits to the shifting stars outside of their club's room. shaky hands grasp at the surface of her desk, hoping to find an anchor to some kind of physical reality, if any of this truly is real. ❛ i can't say i'd blame you for trying after finding it out... n- not that i'm saying you should die! but i do understand the urge to... um... ❜

yuri shudders, panicking a bit. she's not sure her words are the most comforting right now, an attempt to relate turning just as dark as the other's implications. she attempts to steady herself, to push aside the overwhelming thoughts to deal with her stress in a less productive manner.

"Mm, that makes sense." It's easy to say, at any rate. She attempts to shoo that thought away, though. It wouldn't do her any good to get irritable about a possibility that hasn't even come to pass. If Yuri says she might would accept it...that's good, right? There's no need to be cynical about it.

Though that last bit definitely gets her thinking. Is there a way?

"Hm...I hadn't thought about that, actually. After all, if she became aware of it herself, there may be some way to make it obvious to another person." She had been becoming more aware of the game's boundaries, how certain events worked and how they triggered. Her attempts to fuss with it were mixed, at best, but she should at least be able to do something rudimentary.

"That's a good note! Let me write that down." She chirps, opening a notebook to scribble on it.

And then? As she does? The scenery outside the windows changes. Once a blue sky and a schoolyard, the next moment a whirling void...the stars in space passing by...

❛ ...oh. ❜ a sharp inhale akin to a gasp, and she feels her hands begin to shake as she watches the stars pass by in the deep, vast void of space. yuri is thoroughly dumbfounded as she stares, her gaze fixated on the outside that most certainly wasn't reality mere moments ago.

❛ y- you weren't just making up a story there, were you, monika...? ❜ unease has returned to yuri's tone. she swallows dryly, taking a deep and unsteady breath.

"Ah, no no, I appreciate the enthusiasm, honestly!" She keeps up her smile. Though when those last words of Yuri's arrive, they stop Monika dead in her tracks.

It's true, she hadn't ever divulged her worries to her friends. Maybe, in the best case, they would sympathize with her despite the paths they were given. Maybe they would even help her? But the inverse possibility is so terrifying.

What if they thought she was self-centered, or crazy? Or both. If she ended up divulging her deepest fears to them, she's not sure how she would deal with the potential fallout should things go wrong.

"W-Well...I guess that's another part I'm struggling with, truth be told. I've thought about the possibility of her telling them, but at the same time...wouldn't anyone think that sounded too crazy? I guess I worried it might seem a little...unrealistic for them to all be on board."

She pauses. She feels a chill across the back of her neck, words swallowed in her throat as she decides to tiptoe a bit closer to that line.

❛ i... think i'd be a little freaked out at first, if you told me that everything was some kind of simulation... ❜ her words return to their usual slow pace, her hand fidgeting with the ends of her long, violet hair. then, she continues. ❛ but at the same time... hm. maybe it'd be better to know than not to know, so you wouldn't be alone in that burden. ❜

she turns her gaze back to monika, thinking it over more and taking another moment before speaking. ❛ maybe... if i were a character in this story, i'd ask for some kind of evidence. like, if the world were really simulated... how would you know? ❜

"Of course." She nods, a hand tentatively raising and patting Yuri's arm in response, before gracefully returning to her side.

"So...let's see, how do I explain this? I guess I'll break down the plot I have whipped up so far..." She nods, relegating it mostly to shorthand so she doesn't bog the other down with meaningless details.

"The story is about a girl, who lives what she thinks is a very mundane life...but one day, she discovers that the world around her is some kind of elaborate simulation - including all of her friends. It's designed to follow a certain script that she can't really break out of, even if she tries to derail it." Her fingers flex gently in her lap as she tries to choose her words carefully.

❛ fascinating! ❜ her shy demeanor seems to melt almost entirely as the gears turn in her head, her gaze in monika's direction suddenly rather intense with focus. ❛ so, you're going for a surreal fantasy or sci-fi situation with an altered sense of reality? maybe some kind of fourth wall breaking? ❜

she doesn't wait for monika to answer those questions before continuing to speak. ❛ a story like that could easily take the direction of cosmic horror... but that might be my bias as a horror enthusiast. if you're looking for a positive conclusion, then you'll probably need a hopeful message at its core... something that can triumph the boundaries of your protagonist's situation, or maybe a way to find acceptance in the futility of it all... though, that one might be a bit dark for some people's taste. ❜

yuri stops speaking for a moment to catch her breath; her usually slow and languid tone had shifted into something so rapid and enthusiastic that she realized she'd lost herself. she slouches a bit, clearing her throat and looking down at her hands.

❝ ah- grazie ! it isn't everyday i see someone else with funky coloured hair. i have a sweater that same purple colour , somewhere ... haven't seen it in a while though. ❞ her voice carries a friendly tone , thoughts wandering off momentarily to wherever that particular sweater of hers may of vanished to. the drifting of amber eyes & pursing of pink painted lips making the drifting mind rather obvious.

the awkward air of socialization simply wafted on by on the gentle sweet scented breeze of this quaint little nature trail doppio found herself exploring. not at all fazed nor in fact noticing. what the pink haired mafioso does notice , however , is something small & bug shaped entwined helplessly in this stranger's long hair.

❛ ah... y- yes, please get it out of my hair. i don't want that in there. ❜ while yuri isn't the most squeamish about bugs, she also would prefer not to have that kind of disruption. she also would hate to forget a bug is in her hair and accidentally harm it. such internal musings don't get voiced, however, as anxiety overcomes any ability to ramble aloud.

yuri leans in close to her, waiting for the stranger to reach into her hair and free the little insect from her long, purple locks. her body trembles somewhat due to the proximity of another person; she really, really isn't accustomed to people. even in a comfortable environment like a park, she still feels a level of discomfort, even with no wrongdoing. the pink-haired stranger seems kind enough...

She wants to love her friends, while knowing they're constructs.

At the very least, though, why not give her the opportunity to prove Monika wrong? Maybe it would be useless, but she has nothing but time after all. If things are bound to keep repeating themselves endlessly, it's worth trying to explore and exploit whatever loopholes you can find, right?

"Oh, no, no. Not at all." She laughs airily, a finger drifting circles around the surface of her desk. "I guess it's just...hm. How do I put this?" She thinks she knows a way to approach this topic...without making Yuri think she's gone off the deep end.

in general, yuri has an easier time parsing certain complex concepts through fiction than reality, it seems.

❛ of course. i'd imagine that sharing your story ideas with another person might help you work out what you're stuck on. ❜ her demeanor perks up more as she continues, ever a fan of discussing fiction and writing. her hands idly run over the surface of her hardcover book, the label smooth and the bound fabric of the book textured.

though eye contact is difficult, she still looks in monika's direction, tilting her head with an inquisitive look as she continues. ❛ so, what is it that you're having a hard time with? i'd be very interested to hear about what you're working on. ❜

It's a strange thing, to look beyond the clouds and feel as though you're staring straight down the barrel of a gun. It holds you in place, ties you to the proverbial railroad tracks and gives you a 'choice'...though that choice ultimately results in the same outcome. Stay where you are, and die.

For Monika, it's not a literal death (at least not yet), but it remains death in all the ways that really matter. Her world, as she's come to understand it, is cyclical, and it exists for a single purpose. If it had been even a mite kinder, she would have never even realized that, pulled along on a puppeteer's strings until they were finally cut, far quicker than she would have had time to process.

...but she's had a lot of time to process, these days.

It's why she's so surprised, for a moment, when she hears the gentle murmurings of one her club members, snapping her back to reality...asking if she's okay. Naturally, the answer is no, but for Yuri? It could only ever be yes. After all, what would be the point in explaining?

communication clearly isn't yuri's strong suit, but she's willing to try, now, for monika.

❛ um... whatever is going on, i hope you know that i'd be happy to lend a listening ear. ❜ listening to others problems, after all, is much easier than being involved in them directly. unless... a jarring thought worms its way into yuri's mind, the tendrils of anxiety snaking themselves around the taller clubmate. what if yuri hasn't been a good enough friend to monika, and that's the reason monika's been acting a bit off?