Welcome to Gay Yearning™ and bad puns

Psst, psst… I did a lil music, a lil sing-song. Tis chill pop, quite gay, very much not in English.

The lyrics are about being young and goofing around and making mischief with your best friend, such as: stealing a couple of horses, overtaking some sheep on your bikes, and falling in (gay!)love. You know; boys being boys, type of stuff.

Translated lyrics:

But, I’m back for this brief moment in time to announce that I’ve done it!

Yes, I know. It has taken me THREE years, but I’ve finally done it.

Done what? — you may be idly pondering or perhaps screaming at your screen. Well, let me inform you, fellow earthling (presumably):

I’ve finished embroidering my Magnus Archives hoodie!

Just look at it!

It’s really something, is it not?

Now, why did I do this in the first place?

Well, for some reason the print on mine was literally washing away in the laundry. I can’t remember precisely (it’s been THREE years), but after only 2, or maybe 3 washes, the image was barely legible. So I decided to embroider it while there were still lines to follow.

And I guess I can finally start wearing it now.

Except…

It’s been three years (THREE, I SAY!!!) and some things have changed. Notably me. Or more specifically; the container of my essence (or physical body, if you want to be strictly colloquial about it).

I ordered this hoodie in the size 3XL, wanting it to be perhaps a little roomy — a tad cozy, if you will.

Well, jokes on me, I guess! Because — PLOT TWIST — I lost a third of my body weight (this really is the post of threes) and now this otherwise brilliant hoodie is more of a robe or a short dress; it comes down to my thighs!

Seriously, I buy clothes in S/M nowadays.

And this is where the post would’ve ended if it weren’t for the — SECOND PLOT TWIST — because, inexplicably, in the past few months, oversized clothing has been coming back into fashion. Who would’ve thunk it?

So, I guess I’ll be wearing this after all.

Someone told me I looked like Martin Blackwood when I posted this photo (left) 2 years ago. Well, today I realized I was wearing a similar outfit, so I recreated the photo, and I don’t think I look like Martin anymore.

I started listening while recovering from top surgery (all recovered now, very sexy, much confident, thanks for asking 🐶), and I haven’t stopped since. Yesterday was my 15 week post-op mark, and I’m averaging 10 hours a day.

LOOK AT THESE NUMBERS:

I listened to 300 HOURS of audiobooks in January alone!!!

I’ve listened to audiobooks for a MONTH AND A HALF of combined listening time!

AND I STARTED LISTENING ONLY THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AGO!

Needless to say, I haven’t had the time to scroll through tumblr (or watch tv or YouTube for that matter) because my brain has been hijacked by gay erotica.

Just look at my outfit pics; what do they all have in common?

Anyway, I’ve already listened to the entire audible plus catalogue of gay books, and I just recently broke my own heart by binging every single book written by Gregory Ashe (my new fave), so I’m dying for a new fix. I like stories about adults falling in love while solving a murder, and shit like that, and I’d prefer author recommendations because the average book only lasts me a day.

✨Casually recovering from top-surgery✨

You heard it here first! The teet have been yeet! I’m now 4 days post-op and really starting to long for lost luxuries, such as: stretching my arms above my head and sleeping on my side.

I’ll be getting the bandages removed in 2 days and I’m low key nervous about it. Like, do I even have nipples anymore? Idk. I literally didn’t discuss this with my surgeon. My social skills are so appalling that the surgery consult went like: “this is your surgery date” “cool, that works for me-thank you-goodbye!”

I’ve gotten into audiobooks and embroidering this hoodie is the perfect task to hack at as I listen. The sad thing is that this hoodie is now way, way, WAY too big on me. I don’t think I’ll be wearing it out of the house once I’ve finished it. So I’m spending dozens of hours painstakingly embroidering an article of clothing I plan to wear as I lay about the house.

I didn’t need anything at the shops. But I went anyway. Once I was out of the shower, I thought: well, in for a penny - in for a pound!

And then proceeded to dress up. For the shops. From which I didn’t need anything.

But I went anyway. Like this.

And what did I buy at the shops?

A black fluffy bathrobe and a whole bag of dried fish.

So, I’ve been busy these past few months; morphing myself into an off-brand Johnny Depp from Secret Window.

Entirely by accident, might I add. There just came a point where I looked in the mirror and got a nagging feeling that I reminded myself of someone.

In other news, during the process of my Secret-Window-fication, I’ve slimmed down a bit.

And by “a bit”, I mean “a quarter of my body weight”. Which is very cool and all, but did you know that to be eligible for top surgery one needs to be bellow 30 BMI… as of today, I’m at 30.5 BMI.

I’ve lost A QUARTER of my body weight and I’m STILL “obese”.

My surgery consultation is in a week but I’m not worried about the BMI issue. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve got an adamantium skeleton, so to speak, therefore I doubt the surgeon I’m seeing is going to ask about my weight because I don’t look like I’m that heavy.

I’ve been in a state of perpetual surprise, ever since I found out about it 2 years ago, that they actually use BMI as a measuring stick. What’s next? Directing me to the examination room situated 3 and a half horse-lengths down the hallway? Telling me the surgeon will see me in about 50 heartbeats? Sure, Jan, just hold on while I balance my humors — your use of arbitrary units of measurement is throwing them out of wack.

Anyway, this post started because I wanted to share how I kind of resemble this guy:

This is an oddly high stakes way to finally learn how to embroider...