Rebirth and Reform

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Did you know that the term Bambi Lesbian used to be used to refer to lesbians who prefer things like hugs, cuddling, and kisses rather than sex? The term is rumored to have originated around the 1980s, and is often used by lesbians who are on the asexual spectrum (but you don’t have to be ace to use it!) I just think this name is really cute and we should totally bring it back! I myself am an asexual lesbian, so from now on I’m going to call myself a Bambi Lesbian! I made this art to celebrate it:

This is its pride flag:

As a lesbian, who's experienced lesbophobia from Catholic spaces, who is also Black and experiences antiblackness from other queer people on top of that lesbophobia and as a Black woman who's experienced constant antiblack sexualisation via misogynoir, this is what TERFs say to me solely because I have mentioned asexuality and call myself asexual. Look how they've described me: a parasite, a homophobe, potentially traumatised or medicalised, a little baby and apparently I'm never experienced the #gaystuggle before in my life. This is what TERFs do to lesbians who they consider deviant. This is how TERFs treat women they see as expendable. And this is nothing compared to how they treat trans women, especially who are also lesbian and/or asexual and especially Black trans women to the most.

You align yourself with patriarchal definitions of sexuality, when those same definitions of patriarchal sexuality were created by fascist men, when you align yourself with a white billionaire transmisogynist and call yourself 'feminist', yeah I will call you a bitch. I'll keep doing it. I'm not part of the #sisterhood with TERFs and radfems just because we both have coochies. I really don't give a fuck. Its nothing compared to the reactionary shit you spew on the regular and harm you cause in society. I will never feel bad for cussing my oppressors just because they happen to be women.

It doesn't matter the split attraction model was created in the 1800s, the various studies on asexuality's existence, that JKR's rhetoric is aligned with fascism no matter how hard her TERF tumblr tap dances for her online, that I as a Black lesbian with low income fit one of the main risk groups of LGBT young adults, something these women pretend to care about, that this post is talking about ROMANTIC ATTRACTION without sex and as per, they refuse to believe it exists or the glaring contradictions in that one of these girls says sexuality doesn't have to be a part of sexuality whilst the other says you can't be gay without sex BACK TO BACK. TERFs are fundementally against asexuality because they have always been against sexual autonomy. And will always hate women like this.

Our orientation is still medicalised in the ICD (and though there's a footnote in the DSM specifying Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder as different to asexuality, most psych professionals either conveniently ignore it or don't know how to differentiate HSSD from internalised aphobia)

We experience/get offered conversion therapy at a rate higher than other LGB people (UK National LGBT survey 2018) I once mentioned my asexuality in front of a doctor and he offered to take me off my antidepressants to "sort that out".

A lot of even LGBTQ+ people STILL don't know the actual definition of asexuality and think it's equal to celibacy or not wanting to fuck.

When we mention anything to do with our asexuality, we get told by both queer and non queer people that it's inherently because of trauma, or mental illness, or anything else other than the possibility of it being a natural and healthy occurrence.

One in three in the UK think asexuality can be cured with therapy (Yasmin Benoit: Asexuality in the UK 2025).

Queer and non queer people alike were up in arms over Yasmin Benoit, a black asexual woman, leading London Pride 2024.

We're not protected under anti discrimination acts across the world, except in New York's Sexual Orientation Non Discrimination Act 2002, and in Tasmania.

1 in 9 people don't think we even exist.

Editing because people have mentioned in the tags, thank you for reminding my dumb ass:

Because here is the thing: Radical feminists love to act as if it is about "men vs women" and "men uphold the patriarchy". Mind you, I read enough of the older radfem theory to know that this was not the original idea. I still disagree with that older theory, buuuuut at least it was not so focused about "men vs women".

Men and women uphold the patriarchy. (Radical feminists often more than many other women.) And men and women can both profit and suffer under it.

I came out as trans only when I was 31. Until that time I lived as a woman. A gender non-conforming women, no doubt. But a woman. And I can tell you: Most guys in my life never cared about me not conforming to gender expectations. Heck, most boys and men in my life supported me in it. I was interested in "boy stuff"? Cool. I hung out with the boys. Especially after leaving primary school I barely had any female friends anymore, especially outside of online spaces. But a lot of guyfriends.

Meanwhile I was abused by so many girls and women for it. My mother, teachers, other kids at school, other girls connected to my friend groups, and so on and so forth. Being open queer also got punished way, way more by other girls than boys.

I was also way more often repremanded for standing up for my rights by women, than by men.

And sure, men sexually harassed me, and yes, I got SA'd two times by men. But guess what? Afterwards it was other women, who did not believe me, who blamed me for it, while the boys and men in my life supported me and in one case also beat up the guy in question.

Women are on the forefront of holding up the patriarchy. Because it turns up if a system is established it is far easier and advantageous if one upholds it. If you uphold it and conform to a system it will benefit you, even if you are ranked lower in the system. People who do not conform to the system get punished in general and will be a lowest-class within it. Which is why often the people who are in the middle (in the case of patriarchy cis women, especially white cishet abled women) are way more interested in punching down than actually punching up.

We see this very strongly with capitalism. There is a reason that so many right wingers who are from fairly poor areas are more interested in blaming the homeless and the immigrants than the billionaires.

And do not make a mistake: Like under capitalism, patriarchy only has a handful winners. Both systems are very much intermingled. Not all men are winning the system. Most men are not. Because patriarchy like ALL OTHER HIERARCHIES exists right now to help capitalism florish - and capitalism on the other hand helps to uphold the patriarchy. One cannot be without the other. And everyone who profits from it in some way - and yes, white cishet women absolutely profit from the patriarchy on groups of being cishet and white (given that "ideal womenhood" is constructed around whiteness). Not as much as white cishet guys, but still well enough.

Hence, they absolutely do punish anyone who destroys their order.