Today my new coworker messaged me asking if I could help her with work related things and I said no because I don’t work until my contract starts

Sent my friend a screenshot of a text exchange argument to get his opinion and all he says is, “You’re listening to Yeezus at a time like this?”

Hey guys happy Sunday! I want to die

You guys ever eat a sandwich and get crumbs in your cleavage?

When Akon said he’s trying to find the words without being disrespectful and the best he can do is Sexy Bitch

No one pisses me off quite like my cherished and irreplaceable loved ones

Being a school nurse is the silliest job in the medical profession. You’re telling me you went to nursing school just so you could find yourself calling Nevaeh’s mom on a Wednesday at 9:00 AM to tell her her daughter swallowed a leaf by accident?

I’ve had the stomach flu for like 4 days so I’ve been eating super bland and easy to digest foods for that reason but I literally puke no matter what so at this point I’m going to get chicken nuggets cause if I’m going to throw it up anyway I should at least semi enjoy it going down

I’m absolutely baffled there are so many people out there who can’t comprehend what they read. Literally what is your brain doing while reading if not comprehending???

Tomorrow is the last day of my 7th (!!???!!!??) school year

As I get older I think about what kind of parent I would be and I struggle with the idea of telling my kid(s?) not to drink or do drugs when drinking and doing drugs was lowkey a pivotal part of my development

You know what’s fucked up? One day when you’re a kid you play kickball and it’s your last game and you don’t even know it yet

Economy so bad I went back to chipotle to get the chips they forgot to put in the bag because I’m no longer okay with losing $3 for no reason

Just because I work here and we’re in the same general proximity doesn’t mean we need to talk

Tonight I got to see Jupiter and its moons via telescope and it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen