i prob thirst followed u

I cannot begin to explain how the fuck I feel about life lately... Lonely. Ashamed. Disappointing. All the negative things. I try to be as positive as I can about life, but it is hard.

I just deactivated Instagram because I was trying to get this false sense of validation from it. From replies and likes and interactions. When I got back to instagram, I will 100% be going back to photo dump and shit post. Fuck the algorithm and fuck the grid.

The last few years, I have allowed myself to indulge in superficial relationships. Friendships that revolved around partying and having a "good time". But now that shit has hit the fan, mentally, I see that those people are not around. All I have is myself and a handful of friends that all have their own shit to deal with.

I am finally realizing that I need to rediscover myself. Covid took away a lot of time that I should have had to figure out who I am as an adult, but it set me back so far. Now I am going to reclaim the lost time.

I have been having dreams about him and it's driving me insane.

We need to talk about what happened so I can know if I need to cut him out of life completely or if it was okay and I can be at peace.

But I was going crazy. I needed to unload it.

Now I just feel anxious. I need to talk to him and get shit figured out. Did he cheat on his S/O? Was it okay? Do they have an agreement of some kind? I am hoping for the best but at this point, it's not looking good.

Would I feel this if I drink

Too many thoughts wander

Mute direct convo with said person

Deactived ig for now

Signed out of twitter