midnight musing

currently living the life i ised to pray for but it doesnt feel complete because the person i used to daydream about it with isn’t here anymore. Grandma died during the pandemic. Life went on. In a few weeks, 2 of her sisters will be arriving and i just can’t stop wishing it was her who’ll be visiting. That it was her and mommy and lolo who i’ll be showing how my life is right now in this new country im in. I wish it was them. Life goes on.

it hits different when you have someone who knows the sound of your silence, who takes the time to know you and the little things about you that they understand the reasons behind your silence, who knows how to calm you and who would lift you up on days you can’t do it for yourself. it’s easy to find someone who can always tell you “i love you” but to find a person who makes an effort to know you and understand you-that’s a hard one to find.

Everybody talks about cutting ppl off but nobody really talks about the grief that comes with having to stand firm on that decision knowing it’s not what you wanted but what was necessary for your well-being.

I can’t have you but why am i doing things like you are already mine. Self, please stop.

A year into this thing and i’m still not sure what we really are. It’s become clear and complicated at the same time

As much as i am happy and contented with how my life currently is, there are times i wish i had someone...

nasasaktan pa ako.

You’ve been in this kind of situation before so what are you going to do differently?

That’s the thing about something undefined, it could mean a lot of things or nothing at all.

and then....That swift, surprising transition from everything to nothing

Are you going to be another almost?