Let Everyone Say Fuck

Steven: goddamnit. i hit post too early

Steven: hey girl are you a worm?? because i'm hooked on you!!!!

Steven: actually i guess it would be.....hey girl are you a hook??? because i am wormed on you?????

Steven: no it wouldn't. that's nothing.

Steven: hey girl are you a fishing rod because i am hooked on you

Steven: hey girl are you a fishing rod because i'd like to reel you in

Connie: Steven, that's a pigeon.

Steven: don't worry!!!!! i know how to handle pigeons!!!!

Connie: What?

Steven: it's just like seagulls. you gotta let 'em know who's boss.

Connie: What?

Steven: there is no alien in the white house!!!!!! please do not panic!!!!!

*Steven's phone rings*

Steven: hello?????

Peridot: IM IN THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

Pearl: This is how Samwise shows up to Frodo's funeral.

Peridot: FRODO'S FUNERAL?

Amethyst: boating accident

Amethyst: splish splash hobbit overboard you get the picture

Peridot: DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

"Pink Diamond:" oh!!!!! thank you!!!!!

"Rose:" Mur-DER!

Amethyst: hehe lookit the buns on that gem

Peridot, slamming open the door: FUNNY POLICE! THAT JOKE'S TOO FUNNY!

Amethyst: not true

Pearl: Alright, put your proverbial money where your physical mouth is and prove it. 

Pearl: Produce an emotionally moving one-sentence story for me.

Amethyst: easy

Peridot: WEAR MULTIPLE PAIRS AT ONCE

Lapis: h

Garnet: Stitch them together into longts.

Peridot: GET INTO COSPLAYING!

Pearl, trying her best not to laugh, in unison with lapis: Attacka

Bismuth: if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the SKELETON WAR

Rose Quartz: i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites. you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you

Pearl: It’s the weekend, baby. You know what that means! It’s time to drink precisely one beer and call 911.

Peridot: HOW DO I GET COWBOY PAINT OFF A PUMPKIN .

Pearl, talking about her spear: Strongest blade in the world, however it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian.

Peridot: ME AND A BUNCH OF STUPID ASSHOLES ARE GOING TO START A COMMUNITY IN THE MIDDLE OF DELMARVA TO EITHER DIE OR PROVE A VERY IMPORTANT POINT

Bismuth: were at the point now, folks, twhere the Diamond Authority will kill you for having OPINIONS, but refuse to assassinate the nitwits who fuck with MY PAGE.

Steven: *applause

Mr. Fryman: Tell us what happened.

Andy: I got called a xenophobe at the barn.

Mr. Fryman: Yeah, but why?

Andy: Well, I was being xenophobic.

Mr. Fryman: At the barn?

Pink: O is for the only one I see

Pink: V is very very extraordinary–

Steven: smart.....brown hair.....beautiful eyes.....

Connie: YOUR BLOOD TYPE!

Steven: huh? oh...red :)