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I glare at you, I’m standing in the middle of the room, two monitors strapped to my belly. We were admitted to the hospital at 5 in the morning after laboring all night. I’m standing, hoping that being vertical will help me dilate faster as my last check only had me at 4 centimeters. “I’m glad you’re having fun.” I move my hands to my back, “you’re not the one who’s been having contractions for almost a day or has to push out a bowling ball!” I say groaning as yet another contraction begins.

Mmmmm that waddle!

It must be hard moving around with a belly like that!

"What do you think babe? Am I big enough or is this too small for you? You wanna keep breeding me until I can no longer stand and I'm just reduced to a moaning beach ball while you lick my belly from all the sides? You better make love to me as many times as possible. now come on, these babies are kicking and I'm feeling extremely horny"