Jackie

As you grow up those numbers in your head stay the same, but people don't. You think grandma is still sixty-two(62) until you go to her seventy-eighth(78) birthday

Think mum is still thirty-five(35) until you help at her forty-fifth(45) birthday party. You think dads still around thirty(30) till he texts you saying he'd like you there for his fortieth birthday.

It's weird tho. Coz like I new I wanted to be something

My worst fear is dying a Jane Doe, I need to be something in life

I need to live a life worth telling, have friends worth dying for. I need to be worth something

Not by money or numbers. I need people to speak of me by word of mouth. I need to have legends or fairytales, even if they aren't true

I need people to think of me in some way when I'm not around. I need to be in the paper, on the wall, in pictures.

I'm not sure how much you're meant to remember from childhood but mine is just people looking at me

Like weird stares on the street and a frown at school

Being comfy in your own home is hard

Stopping the microwave before it makes a noise. Letting the kettle run just to use it when it rattles. Silencing your alarm before it even starts. Wearing headphones all homealone.

You zip your lips when you hold onto a secret

You zip your lips when you see a kid trying to be sneaky

You make your lips into a smile, as you hold it all in

You zip your mouth saying its not a big deal

You zip up your teeth and say you'll get over it

You throw away the key when you put up with it

You don't tell anyone because other people have it worse

Where is the line? Between it being okay and denial?

People think of yellow and think happy, energetic.

Not the yellow teeth as you try to be calm

Not the yellow of the sink you've been meaning to clean

Not the yellow of not drinking enough

Not the yellow of a cats eyes as you walk in the night

Not the yellow on the old walls

So y'know how on news channels they always say 'over to bla bla' like the weather man tom or Linda (about to be fired) what if there was a story, like a whole ass movie that was told by the news people

Like it'll be the main guy and then the weather man tom and then an entire fucking movie explained by Linda (about to be fired) with the depresing ass shots they do to make you feel like you need to donate money or some shit