UnapologeticJack

ONLY ME!

anonymous asked: Hiya, did you already talk about the scene in 01x08, on the top of the hill? I wanted to know your thoughts, especially when Anne says “don’t hurt me”, because this gave me FEELS OH MY

I already wrote something about the beginning of the reunion scene, when Ann Walker arrives, and how I think Anne Lister thought she was having some kind of heavenly vision when she saw her beautiful future wife right there with her. 

Now about the whole scene, as you said anon1 there’s a lot A LOT to unpack and the scene is very very long (something I love about GJ is that it has very long scenes by the way) so I’m gonna mainly focus on what you pointed out (the distance/consent thing), the “don’t hurt me” moment and some moments that are my favorites (while I was writing this whole thing I realized that basically every single moment is my favorite so lol).

1. I love how AW walks closer to AL. I love it, I love it because we see how it is Ann Walker this time that “controls” the situation, she’s not waiting for AL to make a move, and she’s not expecting her to because she knows it’s up to her now to show AL that she wants her and loves her. So, she takes those steps forward and only stops because she sees Anne taking a couple of steps back.

AL can’t let AW come closer. At this point Anne Lister wants a serious commitment and that’s why she keeps her distance, she takes that step back to protect herself from disappointment. It’s a reflex. She’s scared that if she lets Ann come close without having talked things through and without knowing, for sure this time, if Ann has finally made up her mind about their union, they’re just gonna fall back to what they had before. And as much as she wants Ann (and that’s what makes her take that step back, she has to take that step back because: ”Whenever I see the girl, she always manages to unhinge me”) she can’t allow herself to go back to that kind of relationship. Ann Walker understands this and she stops right away, giving AL the space she needs.

2. Ann talking about her sister & the letter. – “I don’t think she’s very happily married, Elizabeth. I think she’s frightened of him. I don’t think he’s very nice. I think he destroyed the letter, and I didn’t think this, not at the time, but I think he just married her for her money, and I think that she’s miserable.” – Oh god! AW is talking about her sister but really she’s just talking about herself. She’s explaining (in her usual quite confused and rushed way) what she realized during those months apart. I love AL’s confused face while AW is talking, I love how she’s trying to make sense of why AW is talking about her sister lol

But what AW is really saying to AL is: “I saw what my life would be like without you and I don’t want it. I don’t want to be miserable like my sister, I don’t want to marry a man because that’s what everyone wants, I don’t want to have children and be a mother. I don’t want all those things that I thought were ‘right’, because they’re not right for me.” And this is, finally, Ann saying what she doesn’t want (and, later in the scene, she will also say what is it that she wants – “You know, if you asked me to marry you again, I wouldn’t say no.” – ).

3. – “A good friendship is better than a marriage” – I just wanna say… POOR ANNE LISTER. Like, I love AW because she just rumbles in the wrong order sometimes, meaning that she doesn’t explain why she says some things, she just says them, and I love her for this because it says a lot about how eager she is to get to the point of things. But AL doesn’t have the whole picture so, she does need an explanation to actually get the meaning of what AW is trying to say. AW’s way of explaining things is just starting to talk about them in medias res without context and poor AL is always left kinda confused. After that line AL is thinking the worst, she’s like “Oh fuck no, not again, I don’t want to hear this, I can’t, I’m gonna cry.” Is AW saying that she thinks a friendship with AL is better than a marriage with AL? Or is she saying that what everyone will think is a “good friendship” with AL is better than a marriage with a man? Of course we know it’s the second one.

4. – “Are you alright?” – This little line, this line right here is so important. We’ve seen before other people (Booth and Marian) ask Anne Lister if she’s alright, and her answer has always been – “I’m always alright” – She lies to not show how vulnerable and hurt she can be. With AW she doesn’t lie, with AW she doesn’t hide. She can’t. She says the truth, she says what happened, she shows AW that she’s not alright (this is also a parallel to episode 3, when AW shows the letter to AL and asks her “Are you alright?” and AL doesn’t say she is. Again, she just can’t lie to AW). This is so important because a) it shows us that Ann Walker can read Anne Lister so well, she knows that AL is not as strong as she wants to appear, and b) Anne Lister feels safe enough to be vulnerable in front of Ann.

5. – “We’re not alive are we? If we’re not taking the odd risk, now and again.” – “No. No, we’re not” – We see Ann Walker take a few steps forward. She tries to get closer to Anne. What I love about this is how sweet and reassuring AW looks. Her smile, the sweetness in her voice, how she takes a couple of steps forward basically saying “I’m here. I’m taking the odd risk right now. I want to be here, I’m happy to be here, with you, and I’m trying to show you how much I love you.” Every time she gets closer she tries to reassure AL more and more, and every step forward is like a declaration of love.

”I’m struggling . . . I’m struggling.”