unaesthetic

“I’ll go to bed, forget myself in sleep.”

“To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”

“And so my bones have felt more like water recently; feeble, little weak supports that cannot begin to imagine embodying pillars. I am a monument of girl flesh that never knew how to stand on her own. Here, in this mind of mine, I have already crumbled. A ruin of solemn, ashen rubble, fearful of her own sharp edges. I have daydreams and nightmares of rebuilding this body and brain. None of them end with wholeness. No, neither of them end kindly.”

“I’ll go to bed, forget myself in sleep.”

“I’ve been in love before, it’s like a narcotic. At first, it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes then forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he’s not there, you feel like an addict who can’t get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.”

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

“Nothing beats cuddling the person you love most because they emit a warm and content feeling that wherever you are, it’ll always feel like home.”

“In the end, the most interesting people always leave.”

“I have a deep fear of being too much. That one day I will find my someone, and they will that I am a hurricane. That they will step back and be intimidated by my muchness.”

“I had no voice to talk with because she was my whole language.”

“Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret.”

“It was both a privilege and a curse to know you. Sometimes I wished I hadn’t and other times you were the very reason I was still here.”

“The things I want to remember I can’t, and the things I try so hard to forget just keep coming.”