Tsundere AF

Chatting with one guy, his hobby is fishing so I decided to ask him about it. He proceeded to give me a mini seminar on ancient Japanese squid fishing techniques (This guy REALLY love fishing...like dude was fishing since he was 5) I feel so enlightened on the world of squid fishing. I never needed nor wanted to know about it but hey, it was actually engaging. Shows what being passionate about something can do/

Then we chatted about anime and gaming, it was a really nice chat. And the guy is SUPER cute. My type and I was thinking how sweet he seemed. 

Then it turned...it turned REAL fast. 

It started innocent asking if I had a boyfriend, but when I said no...

I was NOT prepared for that.

Well damn

On His profile the FIRST thing it says is “I’m sexual” and it doesn’t say much else (he’s Japanese but his English is very good). I didn’t read his bio to be honest, I was just swiping away and we got matched and started talking. So needless to say the conversation took a HUGE swing...

It’s been 3 days since I downloaded the dating apps or whatever. And I must say, it’s exactly what I expected and a little more. Luckily, things are a bit more tame here in Japan, (only 2 dick pics so far luckily, hopefully no more...) With the language barrier, it makes weeding people out pretty fast. I’m not looking for hook ups so as soon as people find that out things will either fade out or people respect that and we have a decent conversation.

Most of the time. 

Some things people have said have caught me completely off guard. I guess the male brain and female brains really do see things so differently. Like tell me why guys think going for a ride with a random stranger at 12 o’clock at night sounds like a good thing to do? No. That’s how people die. Do they think I’m stupid??! Why would anyone do that?! Byeeee

Then you have the needy guys. 

The ones who beg for another account that they can contact you on (I guess because people tend to delete dating apps so quickly, they want a more stable means of contact) But why would I want to give that to a stranger? PROVE to me that we can have an enjoyable conversation and THEN and ONLY then will I give you get my number. 

One guy was so overly persistent, like dude, really? And he was the WORST kind of needy guy too... he was begging me for my LINE account. He wanted me to text him EVERYDAY, and sent walls of text. I was like “Hell no” I’m not signing up for that. You needy leech, I don’t have time for that! You can be excused. Bye!

But the icing on the cake was a comment from the worst of scums. I’m a virgin, I’m not interested in changing that (I identify as Asexual ). I have no problem talking about sex or stating my personal needs towards it, it doesn’t bother me I’m just not interested right now. I’m just trying to get better at talking with guys and holding my own. But anyway... this guy, we’ll call him Mr. A, was hounding me about sex and I told him my thoughts. He responded wit “You have value, I want to take your virginity.” 

Um What??? Excuse you! First of all, does that mean that you don’t view women who have sex with value? You really just view them as worthless? That’s infuriating! Woman are free to make that choice just as much as men. Secondly, I just expressed my stance towards not having sex and you proceed to TOTALLY disregard what I said in pursuit of a sick fantasy about being my first sexual experience. EHHHHHHH!  People with this mind set are upsetting, but I know its common. Sigh. Men make me tired. 

Started talking to a chill boy visiting Osaka from the Netherlands, we were gonna hang out. But I only had one available day cause I’m a busy person....

THEN HE FREAKING CHANGES THE PLAN. Now I can’t see him. Like. EHHHH. Don’t get me hopeful and then do that

This is disappointing. Unsatisfying.

I’m more upset with myself than anything; I got so happy and excited to meet them. WHY? I don’t know them? They shouldn’t mean anything to me...why do I care? 

Cause he was cute? 

I had to face the facts, I’m bitter and super pessimistic regarding romantic relationships. 

Like just mentioning myself in a relationship was enough to send me off the edge. Pure rage. It was the WORST possibility ever. Whenever I’ve had the misfortune of having a crush on someone, IT’S BEEN THE MOST PAINFULLY ANNOYING experience of my life! 

That giddy, butterflies in your stomach, high feeling that people like when falling in love, I FREAKIN HATE. It makes me literally sick...my body shakes and I just want it to be over. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, I can’t FUNCTION. I don’t know if I want to see that person or if I wish they never existed. 

I wanted to like love, I wanted to enjoy dating. I had daydreams and fantasies of moonlight walks and picnics and sharing memories. But it seems impossible. I couldn’t take it, so I just didn’t bother dating. I didn’t want anything to do with that STRESS. 

But now, I don’t want to be ruled by fear. I want to challenge myself to face myself. I don’t want to deny myself the experience of having a relationship because I don’t know how to handle the stress. I want to grow. 

So I’ll give it a go. For the next 3 months I’ll try the “dating” thing....It feels like such a bad idea, but I’ll never know until I do it. 

Trying to figure of the what the noodles to do with my cellphone when I move to Japan. One might thing this would be as easy as popping in a pre-paid card and rolling along. Not exactly the case. From my research, it seems that there are a bit more hoops to jump through! I have a iphone 6s and another phone specifically for international travel and really don’t want to have to buy another decive :’)

I found some really helpful blogs with some pretty sound advice, if anyone is having the same struggle, here are some links I found helpful: 

http://timoliver.blog/2014/07/12/living-in-japan-with-my-foreign-iphone/ 

http://mikeferrier.com/2012/12/29/living-in-japan--the-cellphone-situation/

They both mentioned B-moblie as a good choice, and a few other sites suggested it. That’s the choice I’m leaning towards, but going to keep looking at options. I wanna figure it out before I leave and at least have it ordered and shipped to my apartment in Osaka.