also while I'm at it people need to stop calling "two people who have been through trauma and rely on each other for support" codependency. first of all because that's not what that word means and second of all it feels incredibly dire to me that you would pathologize the need to be supported like holy shit I truly find it so dark.
other people have said it better than me but there is this whole underlying presumption in mainstream modern views on mental health that a person needs to "heal" enough that they will never bother other people with their struggles. blowing up or breaking down in front of someone else is considered a "problem," not a normal part of life that just happens sometimes. exposing too much "strong emotions" is considered bad because strong emotions are considered inherently volatile and dangerous (of course they can be, but not if you know how to manage them properly--which is not the same as never expressing them. in fact, expressing and acknowledging your emotions is an important part of managing them in a healthy way). the underlying idea of what "healing" looks like for a lot of people is the ability to be calm and "practical" in every situation ever. they think that strong emotions are something dangerous that you can purge completely if you put in the work, and that you should do that because otherwise you're being "toxic" by forcing people to engage with your strong emotions.
so of course, any relationship dynamic where two people are emotionally vulnerable and open about their strong emotional struggles is seen as "toxic". and "codependent".
human beings are social animals. just, like... scientifically. it doesn't matter if you're an introvert or you consider yourself self-sufficient or whatever, scientifically human beings need to have connections with other humans in order to regulate themselves the way their bodies are wired to. the idea that relying on others in any capacity is toxic/codependent is so incredibly backwards and frustrating and alarming........
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