grand optimist

I have been binge watching FRIENDS for way too long now. I swear if I don’t get out of my house soon or see some sort of sun, I’m going to die.

You can watch a documentary about the sun for like twenty minutes if you miss it so much. I guess you just don't have my kind of mean stamina. I marathoned all the Harry Potter movies once. It took like 2 days. 

I’d get it all, but let’s not because it would be a total waste of time. Not a problem at all. Jack Cheese. 

WRONG. It was a trick question. That's the only kind I eat if I'm being polite. I hate cheese. But I can see where your huge failure is coming from. Not your fault , just proves that I'm nothing but my nicest when I'm around you.

Quirks are cute. Plus I love when guys are at their natural form in front of me, you know? Makes me feel like they’re comfortable showing me who they really are. But same. I stuff my food a lot with my mouth- wait what? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Sometimes I mix up my words.

Nah, you're good. I think you got it right. There's usually a lotta more food than there is mouth. Guys are probably always comfortable around you, 'cause you're cool. You just think they're all weird anyway and push them away. You're ruthless.

I think songs about that are kinda inappropriate too. Oh believe me Dylan, I know pretty much everything.

So, you think, like, if I gave you this huge questionnaire you'd get all of them right? No problem? What's my favorite kind of cheese?

I have this thing where I try to eat as many fries with the ice cream before it melts. So if by any chance you see me stuffing my mouth with ice cream and french fries.. that’s exactly what i’m doing. 

Well I have this thing where I'm always stuffing my face, so if you catch me like that, that's just my natural state. That's okay though. Quirks are supposed to be like, a cute thing. Or at least that's what my mom tells me.

You dip your fries in your shake too?! Oh heavens, thank you god for letting me meet someone who does the same weird thing I do!

Are you serious? I had this whole argument planned out to persuade you into it. But I think this is even better.  can only dip fries in for so long before it gets melty. Then it's soup, but not ice cream soup, 'cause Frostys aren't real ice cream, but whatever... I still get one like once a week.

Riiiiiight, because an i love you from Maia Mitchell is so much better than one from Dylan O’Brien. 

Of course he will, you're a pretty girl. Emphasis on girl. But emphasis on pretty too. It'll be great. I'll even buy, but only if you try dipping the fries in the shake.

Haha alright I see where you’re comin’ from, although it would of been quite funny because it was a dude. Oh really? Only when you’re standing? Whenever I try to hit on someone, I always tend to fuck it up no matter what but, usually it makes em laugh so in the end its a bonus! 

I think the only thing good about being a human giraffe is that, well I guess girls like tall guys. Or somewhat tall guys like me. I gotta stand so they know. I doubt you can fuck anything up that bad. They probably think you were taking the funny cute route all along, and they swoon.

Well, I don’t think so. I think you just made that guy’s day 100x better. I’m pretty sure he’s at home right now telling all his friends how the dylan o’brien proclaimed his love for him. 

He didn't seem touched, he seem scarred. I just wanted to take my frosty and my fries and get the fuck out of there. But, you're super sweet. Next time I'll take you and we'll tag team and give him a heart attack.. of love.

Wow.. I mean maybe he’s a fan! You love your fans, don’t you?

I just wasn't ready for someone to proclaim their love for me at a drive thru... I did tell him I love him though. Whatever. Just another embarrassing day as me.

I’d make a way better Stiles than you, the gender is just a disadvantage. Maybe I should just share with the press how many highly inappropriate comments you make a day. 

How inappropriate does it have to be to be considered highly inappropriate? Shelley I'm just trying to show my true colors.

Ending your career was actually my plan from the start. It’s the only reason I even auditioned in the first place. 

Maybe I'll just back down and you can have my job. Go ahead and take Stiles for a ride. Oh wait, you kinda already have. 

The press would probably love the story though.

I don't know, then I'd have to talk to the press. I do that as little as possible. Then they'd probably turn it around and call me a life-ruiner. A guy who tries to ruin lives. My career will be over. Is this what you planned all along?! We just truced.