hiatus

mark smiles gently as he comes back into the bathroom, his black sweatpants hanging low on his hips and wet midnight locks curling on his forehead. he’s in the grey zone of cute and sexy, and you can’t help but stare for a while at his godly physique, before he hands you his green hoodie from target for you to wear. you thank him sweetly, pressing a kiss to his cheek and slipping the piece of cloth on your petite body.

it all smells like him, watermelon and honey, cigarettes and mint, mark lee. you could lose yourself in his hoodie like an ocean swallows its passengers.

mark’s heart swells at the sight of his clothes too big on your form, unable to resist wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss, as the other hand cups your cheek. your eyelids flutter close and your hand wraps itself around his forearm as it slides down to your neck, carefully soothing the fresh bruises he has left earlier. it’s a huge difference with his rough persona he held in bed, fucking you in the sky and the feeling of his skin against yours ignites a fire to course through your blood, his smell so provocative. his open mouthed kisses, sweat, tears, groans and moans.

mark was never the type to cry, never. yet here he was, on his knees, arms firm around your waist as his sobs dampen your shirt. his muffled cries into your stomach forms suffocating knots in your chest and it prevents you from reaching the door not too far from you. it feels so wrong to hear his cries and what’s left of you breaks into even tinier fragments when you feel his arms hold you tighter.

“y/n please—“ he pleads into your soaked shirt. mark’s breathing is uneven and his shoulders are shaking with every sob. “p-please don’t leave.”

you try your hardest not to crumble, but it’s so hard to not when the love of your life is practically begging you not to go. you bite your lower lip to suppress a sob that’s threatening to join mark’s and it results to a gush of fresh tears falling furiously down your cheeks. the past few months flash before your eyes; all the nights of missing mark, not being able to be with mark, not being able to talk to mark. you’ve been longing for mark much longer than you’ve been together and his lack of understanding from your point of view doesn’t settle the anxieties of your heart. the doubts and questions of the love you were once so sure about has overtaken your mind completely and mark has done nothing to counter that.

“mark please let go,” you try to say but it comes out as a mumble and you seek strength in the way you tighten your grip on your bag. “please let me go.”

you feel mark shake his head and he sobs even harder. “no no no. please y/n. i’ll do better i promise.”

“you’re making it harder for the both of us,” you retaliate with an almost inaudible voice. at this rate, you can’t even see through the blurry vision caused by the waterfall of your tears.

mark tears his face away from your shirt and looks up at you. you regret looking down because you’re met with swollen, bloodshot eyes and a pained expression painted across his features. mark was always laughing, always smiling and to see him like this for the first time ever is enough to convince you staying was no longer the better option.

“y/n… please…”

and that’s it. you let your bag drop to the floor and it meets the carpet with a soft thud. you crouch down to mark’s level and take his tear-striken face into both of your palms, your thumbs automatically wiping his crystal tears away. you had always loved the shine in his eyes but now, you could see none of that, just broken pieces of what’s left of him.

“you know i love you more than anything in this world,” you swallow another sob to allow yourself to finish. “but you and i both know the time’s not right. it’s not our time yet..” beneath your fingertips, you feel mark shake his head in utter denial of your words. “your life is just beginning and i have my own dreams to chase and fulfill and i can’t do that if i’m too caught up wondering when you’re coming home..”

mark closes his eyes shut and another batch of tears come rolling down and into your skin. “but we don’t have to worry. when the time is right.. when it’s finally our time, and if we’re meant to be for each other, i’m sure we’ll find one another again,” you continue with a bittersweet smile. “and by then, everything will feel so right, the pain right now will be worth it.”

mark gazes up at you and the absence of his protests only mean that he’s acknowledged your words to be true.

“i’ll see you soon, okay?”

mark pushes the trolley in and out of the aisles as you lead the way, pulling various different food items and necessities needed at home and tossing them onto the metal cart. every now and then, mark would let his eyes wander around the shelves, reading different labels and learning about certain things he didn’t even know existed before. but most of the time, his eyes would travel back to you; your phone in your hand, containing the list of groceries and ticking each item off as you go with lips pressed together in a small pout in utter concentration as you compare one product to another.

“babe, which laundry detergent did you say you preferred the last time?” you ask, turning away from the shelf to face him with two different boxes in either of your hands. “the lavender or cotton scented one?”

mark doesn’t even hear your question when he loses himself in the sight of you; perfectly warm and cozy in his green hoodie you had grabbed at random earlier before leaving. you looked absolutely mesmerising even without trying.

“babe?” you ask with a tilt of your head when he doesn’t respond.

mark has to physically shake his head to snap himself out of his trance, a smile spreading across his lips when he’s reminded of how damn lucky he is to have you. “what was the question?”

you can only chuckle as you gesture at both boxes, “lavender or cotton?”

mark pushes the trolley further up the aisle until he’s beside you. he studies both boxes before looking at you, “well which one do you like the most?”

“i’m asking you though,” you insist. “it’s your clothes.”

“mhm, i like whatever you like.”

“but what do you like? you always say that but i want you to pick this time.”

“i mean it, i like whatever you like babe.”

you purse your lips together in defeat as you slowly tuck the lavender detergent back into the shelf and place the chosen box in the trolley before focusing your attention to the rest of your list.

mark cranes his neck left and right the aisle and when he’s sure nobody’s around, his hands leave the bar of the trolley before making his way over to you. swiftly, he circles his arms around your waist and pulls you close. you take your eyes off of your phone and peek up at him with confused eyes.

“i couldn’t care less about which i prefer. the only thing i care about is when you cuddle me close every night because you like my scent and it makes it easier for me to hold you so that’s why i like whatever you like,” mark’s nose crinkles as he smiles and he rests his forehead on yours, leaning inwards until the tip of his nose touches with yours.

you’d received a text from jeno asking you to come over. upon unlocking the door with the spare key he’d given you, and wandering into the apartment, you found him curled up on the couch in amongst a pile of blankets. an unusual sight.

“hey?” you asked softly, unsure whether or not he was still awake, as you walked closer to the couch.

he didn’t hesitate to reach out and grab your wrist, pulling you towards him and not uttering a word as you fell beside him into the blankets.

you were too surprised to speak as he nuzzled into you side looping his arms around your waist. when it came to jeno, you knew not to expect much physical affection since he wasn’t one to outwardly show his fondness. you were about to open your mouth to say something snarky about this sudden closeness, when you noticed how pale his face was and how he kept quietly sniffing.

“jeno?” you asked to get his attention, and he mumbled something indistinct into your shoulder, “are you sick?”

“no,” he insisted loudly, the first distinguishable thing he’d said since you walked in.

“yes you are,” you sighed and reached to rest the back of your hand on his forehead, only to feel his rising temperature, “jeno, you’re burning up,” you exclaimed, filling with worry.

“no, i’m not,” he argued, “i’m freezing.”

“that’s just more proof that your sick!” you started to stand up beginning to panic.

“no.” he said bluntly, clinging to your waist and stopping you from standing up fully, “stay here, i’m not sick.”

“if you weren’t sick, why would you be trying to cuddle me so much?” you questioned.

“do i need an excuse to cuddle you?” he scoffed, but his words were barely forming clearly as his eyes drooped closed sleepily, “i love you.”

you smiled fondly, unable to stop the soft blush that rose to your cheeks, as it was rare that you heard such obviously affectionate words from jeno. “and i love you,” you answered, slowly prying his hands off your body and stepping back from his grasp, “which is why i’m going to go and make you some soup.”

“don’t leave me,” he whined, his eyes fluttering open again as he tried to reach out to you.

“just let me take care of you,” you satisfied him by taking one of his stretched out hands in your own and giving it a small squeeze, “please.”

he sighed and let his arms drop to the blankets, before curling up in them once again, out of sight.

you quickly clattered around in the kitchen, putting together a warm healthy soup. jeno took small sips of it until it was eventually finished, and you hurried back to the kitchen to rinse a cloth under the cold water tap until it was slightly damp.

when you sat back down on the couch beside him, jeno was quick to put his arms around you expecting to cuddle, but you shook him off so that you could press the cool cloth to his forehead. he let out a sigh of relief as you carefully touched the cold gentle material to his skin, soothing his temperature.

“does that feel any better?”

“a little,” he responded, “can we cuddle now?”

you gave in, but left the small cloth laying on his forehead, knowing it would make him feel better and help stop his temperature from making him so uncomfortable.

“baby? are you okay in there?” mark turned around and smiled to see you awake.