itâs so fucked up much of your life you lose to mental illness. like, i lost most of my 20s. iâm getting the backend with the last three years but still. i lost like 7/8 years of my life just being scared to exist. ugh.
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@ughletmelive
itâs so fucked up much of your life you lose to mental illness. like, i lost most of my 20s. iâm getting the backend with the last three years but still. i lost like 7/8 years of my life just being scared to exist. ugh.

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hate having ocd. love having an ocd diagnosis. iâm still panicking BUT at least im validated
You cannot live alone on the fantasies you feed to your mind, eventually you have to touch your life for real, assess and analyze your habits, understand your character, try not to hate yourself for your character as it was shaped when you were very young by circumstances outside of you, and begin learning how to cope with your character, how to build habits that work for you, finish small projects, finish big projects, expose yourself to more uncomfortable situations, assess why you want to leave that friendship before you leave it, raise your anxiety levels on purpose, so that you can grow, raise your work load on purpose, so that you can grow, so that you can build resilience, so that your life expands, and can be experienced by you in full and in reality
okay so OCD exposure therapy will make your PTSD worse, but PTSD exposure therapy will make your OCD worse AND I HAVE BOTH!!!!!!BOTH SEVERELY BTW!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST SCROLLED DOWN MY BLOG AND LIKE WAIT ACTUALLY MAYBE WE HAVE A LITTLE RAY OF HOPE HERE

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i do still believe im manipulating my therapist into believing i have ocd tho
i take back everything iâve ever said i love being diagnosed with OCD
really strange how you can be almost at peace with something that happened to you but it will continue to be a defining moment of your life for the rest of your life. you wont think about it much anymore but in a conversation about a film someone will mention the year it was released and youâll think to yourself, âthat was before it happenedâ and youâll see an old photo and think how strange it is to have existed before it happened and somehow itâs like living a life in two acts
girl who has only the most normal relationship with time and memory and regret and grief

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i think about the fact that i 1000000% wouldâve been lobotomized if i was born 50 years ago and it terrifies me because what if thereâs a mental health treatment plan iâm trusting right now thatâs ruining me
IM INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSED AHHHHHHH
blah blah blah i donât like my mom blah blah. shut UPPPPP!!! we get it already oh my godddddd
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the older i get the more it becomes obvious the beauty standard for women is a 16 years old

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everytime i go through this blog i trigger myself even though it is LITERALLY IN THE BIO. I SHOULD NOT GO THROUGH IT OH MY GOD
forgive me lord for I have imagined a life far more soft and tender than the one you created for me