rawr

& I thought, so much has happened lately.  I think I wanna journal about it, so here I am. I’m doing the whole grammar thing right meow, but it probably won’t last… So…. So fun fact about me, I’m avoidant. It used to manifest as avoiding going to therapy. Avoiding talking about dead mothers and abusive fathers and how I’m such a drunk asshole, now it manifests by avoiding everything from that…

We hereby conduct this post-mortemHe was the warden in my incarcerationIn my life of quiet desperationHis affliction was such I could not remain unscathedAnd so a touch that was my comfort became inhumanCome one, come allIt’s happenin’ againWhat’s one more dead parent?The sympathetic hunger descendsWe’ll offer our condolencesand feed your grief to rosesWe must knowWhy was it complicated?He was…

Whenever I say the name Debra, I say it like everyone loves Raymond- DEBRAAAA. My auntie Debra died on Tuesday and I am sad about it to be honest. I did not know my aunt Debra well because she lived down in Atlanta Georgia- BUT she always made me laugh. She honestly was so blunt and just said what she wanted- like life afforded her that right after 66 years of living it- and honestly, I think it…

If you wanted me cute, quiet and calmYou would have been happier meeting me at twentyNow that would have been something, I was so empty But now I'm in my brave eraCalling sexism when I see it, I'm "soooo extra"So I leap from the gallows, and I levitate down your streetCrash the boys club like a record scratch as I scream"Who's afraid of little old me?"You should beThe scandal wasn't my faultYou…

I see the great escape 11 years- HEY!!! I picked the petals, he loves me not something different bloomed stopped planning for two I won’t force you to stay i’ll run away ADVENTURES AWAIT.   from first kisses to catastrophic misses I follow directions, stay true to my programming I search the party of happy nuclear families Just to learn we’ll never be a party of three You’re on your…

i took off the mask.

"You were drivin’ the getaway car We were flyin’, but we’d never get far Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery Think about the place where you first met me." The headphones filled my ears with echoes of lyrics I had heard more than a thousand times when I saw it. There was something haunting about that house. Hadn’t I seen it before? I’ve run through this neighborhood before. There it sat an old…

I had a vegas bomb the other day. It tasted like shit. It’s probably the first shot i’ve had for like two years. You say i used to be wild, I say i used to be young. This song hit me. I was wild. I’d stay out all right. hitting fireball at 1:45. making “forever friends” in the bar. I do love the adventures. or rather the misadventures. Today, my adventures look like exploring my community,…

As I write this, it’s day two. I’m already a liar. Anyways part of my phase 1 of the 75 hard part challenge is writing for 15 min. I’m doing a super modified 75 hard I’m allowing myself to not do everything in one day and keep track and make things up. I know this is not a firm 75 hard challenge. Andy himself would say it’s not his challenge. but right now, considering everything I have going on…

Daily writing promptWhat is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?View all responses the simple answer is: my phone.

Daily writing promptWhat was the last live performance you saw?View all responses I went to the bright eyes concert. It was fun, but a little sad because i married noah on that stage. i know it gets easier. it’s just so hard having been married before… been this vunerable before…. and it didn’t work. he was supposed to be the one thing i couldn’t lose. that means i could lose you too. it scares…

I can’t wait until antisexism becomes cool… like calling out problematic sexist behavior. that’d be great.

if it feels like a trap, you’re already in one

my mental health is like fucked right now basically.

i can’t stop you… putting roots in my dreamland

i feel like there’s this poison in me. but i can’t get it out i’m not sure how to get it out. i’m not sure if i can. I feel like i’m dying. l feel nothing makes sense. i long for things i can never have, life is cruel. i feel like my throat is raw from screaming for help. for screaming for something. no one hears me though. there’s no point in screaming, i guess. i can’t scream much…

Killed the me I used to be Yeah, I almost died in Colorado In my mind I had a dream, Saw a future I’d never get Yeah, I know I finally let it go (let it go) But I almost died in Colorado Hey, someone cut the lights off please I’ve been kind of suicidal lately some crazy tendencies I know that you never loved me if you could tell my friends “I don’t wanna be married” Making me look like…