Each enneagram subtype in a nutshell
Based in feedback, Iâve decided to make this post based on my previous one on tritypes.
If you want to read the serious version, click here.
Sp: âIs that⌠a typo ⌠in my paper?! Oh my gad no no no no no!â *sends professor an apologetic e-mail although the paper was only a draft*
Sx: âHey, you were supposed to be at my party five minutes ago. This simply isnât good enough. Next time, you have to set an alarm so youâll be here in time. And did you shower before you got here? Your hair is greasy. Shampoo is a thing, you know.â
So: âEating meat is murder. You should really be a vegetarian, like ME.â *really emphasizes me* ⌠*two minutes later* â⌠What?! What are you saying, you are not a feminist?!âŚâ *cycle repeats with different concepts*
Sp: *at a party late at night* âWanna go to my place and check out my PokĂŠmon card collection? Wink winkâ *actually shows the other person their PokĂŠmon card collection when they get there*
Sx: âWait, so you are telling me this guy likes me, and that guy likes me? Well, then they should fight over me, of course! *watches from afar with a smug smile as these two guys tear each other apart*
So: âIs there anything you need? A blanket? A hug? A cup of tea? No? PLEASE TELL ME HOW I CAN BE OF SERVICE!â
Sp: âIf I can live my life without bragging about my achievements, you can live your life without bragging about your achievements. Idiot.â
Sx: *meets friends at pub* âHey, guys! Eyes over here! Guess what, I was in the newspaper today!â *hands out a laminated copy of the article to each person in the group*
So: *on a date* âWell, thatâs enough about you, letâs talk more about me now!â *explains how theyâre gonna be famous and the power of ~dreams~*
Sp: âNo no, Iâm fine, itâs just a dislocated knee cap. No, I swear, I can barely feel anything.â *laughs desperately* âNo, these arenât real tears. I swear, I can walk it off no prob!â
Sx: *meeting someone for the first time after chatting online* âMan, you are taller than me. Now I wanna cut off your head so Iâm the tall one.â *pretends itâs a joke but is dead serious*
So: âOh man. Iâm so thirsty. If only that glass of water was a little bit closer to me.â *somebody finally hands over the glass after ten minutes of sighing* âOh maaaan, now Iâm not thirsty anymore. Iâll never be happy.â *sigh*
Sp: *may or may not be preparing for a zombie apocalypse, emerging from their man cave after ten days* âWell fuck, the sun is up. Better stay inside.â
Sx: âOMG, Iâve been playing this video game for the past three months, itâs really great! Yeah, I know the only thing you do is herd sheep, but itâs really fun! NO, you GOTTA try it! PLAY WITH ME PLZ, Iâve been so alone!â
So: âNo no, you guys just talk. Iâll just sit here and play on my 3DS. Itâs fine, really, I can just listen, thatâs okey.â *quietly observes everyone for three hours and is the last one to leave*
Sp: âShit, what if my savings wonât cover my hypothetical car accident when Iâm traveling next summer!â *frantically saves more money for next yearâs summer vacation to the neighboring town*
Sx: âIs thatâŚ. A challenge?! HOLD MAH PURSE, IMMA BEAT THIS FUCKER TO DAH GROUND.â *on the inside: âplease donât kill me, please donât kill me, please donât kill meâ *
So: âSee, here is the deal. Iâm the high school jock, and youâre a nerd! So, get out of my way and know your place in this world, loser!â *also works the other way around* âIâm just a nerd, better stay away from that jock over there. Heâs so cool. Wish he thought I was cool like him.â
Sp: âSo this is where the partyâs at?! I hope itâs okey I brought like twelve of my best friends ⌠Whooooo partaayâ *is shit drunk 10 minutes later in a strangerâs apartment*
Sx: *during an exchange student program* âOMG Iâve lived in this country for two days now! I GOTTA MOVE NOW! Hmm⌠letâs see, where have I not lived yet? Uzbekistan seems fun!â
So: *totally wants the last piece of the cake* âNo no, you take the rest, I donât even want it. No no, just take it, itâs fine, Iâm fine, this is fine, itâs all good, weâre fine here. JUST TAKE THE GODDAMN CAKE!â
Sp: âHey, you are my person broh! Iâll help you beat up that mean old lady across the hall. Hey, itâs no prob man, thatâs what dude-bros are for.â
Sx: âI swear to god, if you ask me to move this couch one more time, Iâll rip out your vocal cords. I donât care if it blocks the door to your room, this is where I sit and watch Netflix!â
So: *saves an old lady from drowning* The old lady: âomg, thank you so much, how can I ever repay you?â *so 8 just leaves, whispering to self*: âAnother day is saved by the amazing Falcon Boy!â *whistles self-made theme song*
Sp: âHey, Iâm in the middle of my 18 hour South Park marathon here, please just - do not disturb me please. Oh, and, could you get me another beer plz?â *puppy eyes because they really donât wanna get off the couch*
Sx: âNo no no, Iâll do whatever you wanna do. No, I swear, Iâll do literally whatever, just you name it. No, of course I donât have my own opinions, why would I need that when I have yours?â
So: âSo you really want to go on a road trip, huh? I sorta have other plans, but, sure, Iâll come. What, you want me to drive as well? Okey, fine then ⌠Wait, youâre broke too? Fine, Iâll pay too then.â *is really mad but doesnât show it.â