Heart strings

Don't sugar coat it

If it wasn't anything

Then don't fake it

Don't tell me

I was something 

More than a one-nighter

If it was only for your lust

Then so be it

"I'm afraid to hurt you" you said

But I insisted on the truth

The naked and cruel truth

Again... all is unfair in love

I missed everything about you

That first day without you... 

Who knew how those feelings could grow

from seeds of friendship? 

Can you just leave me

So I stop hoping? 

So I stop hurting? 

Because I don't have

So... I'm pushing my brakes now

Just like it was going down

Uluwatu cliff...

Pushing them really hard

And I'm scared

the car might catapult

or fall off the cliff

but this is the only way

I can survive with the least scars.

Yes, you did tell me that it was the end...

And I did listen.

But I saw kindness in your fear

So I waited for you

to change your mind...

But I know now that

for you I am not the one.

So, as much as I would like to give you more time

I know my worth

and I should rather give myself

to someone worthy of me.

For to have you

as the closest man to me

physically and mentally

in the last six years

and yet to know

nothing about you

is definitely a dead end.

You must follow your path

And I must follow my instincts

I appreciate your gentleness

and the way you handled me with care

If one day you suddenly

realize my worth, my good intentions

Just follow the treasure map in your heart

You're coming closer

The magnet of the universe

pulling us to each other

And I'm afraid..

that I won't be in control of what's to come

that I'm just an object of love on the rebound for you

that I'm the flavor of the day

You're invading my mind

But I know you're trouble

I know you'll create an imbalance

in my tranquil pond

And I want to run away

cut all ties with you

but I'm shackled by your energy

and aloof air

So I'm just continuing the ride

while contemplating how to prepare for the fall

You are the sound in my head

The voice in my heart

The touch which I imagine

I sleep with you in my mind

I wake up with your illusion

My eyes are curious to see you

My senses are bursting with anticipation

I am weary of life but not of love

I am sceptical of the everlasting 

...  but I believe in miracles

I mock my feelings and yet I trust them

You are not what I want..but

maybe you are what I need

You are not my match...but perhaps

You left without a warning

You didn't come back

You didn't call

I wanted to cry but 

tough girls don't cry

So I asked you to call me

I begged you to see me

I wanted to say I missed you

But tough girls don't need anyone

And I felt like my life line

was cut off

I was gasping for air

But you still didn't call

So I closed myself up

I locked my heart

I killed the hurt

And the feelings eroded

Yet my world has changed

I don't walk, I float

I don't sleep 

I didn't want to feel

But I can still feel longing

Remember I told you many times not to use the word" love" so easily?

You don't love me.

Love doesn't erode in 1 day, just because you're upset at me.

Love means you respect me by letting me talk to you, not cutting all communication.

Love means saying goodbye properly

Loving me means you know I deserve better than this.

Thank you for making me feel loved

For giving in, being patient

For not pushing me

to do anything I didn't want to do

Thank you for giving me space

For trying to understand me

Even though I can't be understood

For your compliments

You have touched my inner core

You have lighted up my day

You came in my life like snowfall in April

Pure, unexpected, an unwanted thrill

Your persistence made me smile

The tender flakes on my face made me giggle

And yet I always wondered if maybe 

You were just an anomaly to be ignored

You are a faint smelling perfume Like the smell of jasmine flowers Or lilies...or wild roses

Love is hiding somewhere Love can't be seen, but it can be felt Love grows in the strangest places Love grows like the wild flowers you never planted Love is just there....and it's there, even though you don't see it

But like anything unattended, it will die If you ignore it Even the wild flowers that grow need water every day You can't say: "I'll just let it be and let's see" It needs your attention and effort, like all things that are valuable