I solemnly swear that I will not...
Sing โhit me baby one more timeโ during a spanking.
Squirt lube/squirty cream in his face and tell him Iโm into โgivingโ facials.
Hide his spanking implements and replace them with Pokemon cards and chocolate bars.
Use the Hitachi Wand as a pretend microphone.
Say โnow make me a sandwichโ after heโs made me cum.
Ask if he โkisses his momma with that mouthโ while heโs dirty talking.
Shout โThunderCats are goโ when heโs about to cum.
Roll my eyes.
Stomp my feet.
Spank him with a spatula.
Refer to him as โmy bitchโ
Decorate with stickers, or attach balloons to his toy collection.
Put nipple clamps on the chicken breasts in his fridge.
Glue all the pegs together.
Say โgood girlโ or โleft a bit, right a bitโ or hand him an A to Z while heโs performing oral sex on me.
Recite the plot to High School Musical when he asks me how my day has been.
Replace the contents of his underwear drawer with pretty girl knickers.
Fill his pockets full of sequins and glitter.
Draw a willy on his face while he sleeps.
Draw a face on his willy while he sleeps.
Attempt to capture/kidnap/restrain him. He is much taller, stronger, smarter, and meaner than me. Remember that!
Use his rope for skipping.
Refer to the kitchen as โhis officeโ
Change his desktop wallpaper to a collage of kittens, cupcakes and hearts.
Change his ringtone to Justin Bieber.
Shout โHammer Timeโ when he tells me to stop.
Text him random facts about cats in the middle of the night.
Ask โis it in yet?โ
Call him Daddy in the supermarket, while squeezing his bum.
Shout โyou shall not passโ when he tries to insert his penis into me.
Ask him to โtake the Ring to Mordorโ and hand him a cock ring.
Refer to sex as porking or making bacon.
Talk to him all about bacteria when he asks for dirty talk.
Call his penis Princess Fluffykins/Pretty McPrettyton/a grown up lollipop.
Say โshe shoots, she scoresโ or score him out of ten after weโve done the blanket dance.
Ask if he has his man period.
Stomp my feet and say โbut I want to ride the penisโ
Gargle his man juice, or wipe it on his curtains.
Pretend to choke to death.
Use Bazinga as a safeword.
Compare his penis to a strap on, and threaten him with it.
Ask โare we there yet?โ during sex.
Make sheep noises.
Measure/hit his penis with a spoon.
Say โmmm you smell like my dadโ
Rickroll him during sex.
Shout โtrolls, trolls, the fucking trollsโ in the middle of the night.
Go cock eyed while looking up during a blow job.
Pull his hair and call him Mary.
Make him roses out of cum tissues.
Stop mid hand job and ask him to pull my finger.
Fall asleep during luuuuuurve making.
Sing the Hokey Cokey while he contours me into different positions.
Threaten him with vegetables.
Ask if heโs paying with cash or credit card.
Punch the air/do the โI got laidโ dance after sex.
Disagree with his choice of punishment, and recommend my own.
Call him a wuss/girl/wimp/pussy. It hurts.
Threaten to stop tending my lady garden.
Write threats on the bathroom mirror.
Tell him I want a knickerbocker glory. We have different ideas of what this is!
Put vegetables/slices of meat in his bed and tell him he has upset the local farmers market mafia.
Shout โsafewordโ or โhard limitโ when he tries to express his feelings.
Perform surprise popping candy blow jobs.
Do a Gollum impression and say โmy preciousโ when he whispers threats in my ear.
Continue to reference Lord of the Rings.
Hogtie him while he sleeps. Boundaries. Consent. Iโm learning.
Do ice down his pants surprise attacks.
Shout โbeam me up, Scottyโ when pulls out a Hitachi wand.
Jump up and down on his bed while shouting โlook at me! Check me out! Iโm so awesome! I can swim like a motherfucking fish!โ
Ask him where he thinks our relationship is going?, Whatโs on the tellybox later?, How his mum is doing? when heโs about to cum.
Hide chocolate buttons in his fleshlight. Chocolate willy surprise!
Sew his belt to his pants.
Take a picture of his cum face โSAY CHEESE!โ
โ-
more articles in the Library For Kinksters.
Yes, Iโm going to do 50% of these. *evil laugher*
If I canโt do most of these and he doesnโt laugh, there is no relationship.
Iโve done so many of theseโฆ.yikes














