gangsta don't cry

But you’re smart so logical thinking makes sense for you.

And you’re not?

Of course. I bet it will start moving quite quick soon and you won’t be able to keep up. In a good way, obviously.

Well of course — the sooner things start moving, the sooner we can start paving the way to the best future we can.

[PM]: I do hope I can count on the support of your department?

The intention to do great work is a wonderful start.

A village meeting perhaps would be the next step — letting everyone’s voices be heard is the next most important thing.

Uh, I don’t think I can vote here. But if I could I’d vote Wilde! You always seem to know what you’re doing so I think you’d do a great job.

Even just friendly support is just as much appreciated, I’m very pleased to see the overwhelming confidence from everyone.

That’s just what a politician with nefarious intentions would say to throw us off.

But seriously, what’s your stance on public health safety. I am very pro ‘free condoms for all.’ That’s an important selling point if you want my vote.

Don’t be a dickhead, Alastair.

Well, those who are sexually active should have free access to such things that they might otherwise be unable to afford — a baby is a lot more expensive.

Why do I find that both terrifying and kind of comforting? How many do you have, three?

You’re terrified of them growing up, but comforted knowing some things won’t change. Four, though with Emerson growing so quickly, I can’t help but already feel broody.

BITCH are you being serious??? IS THIS ALL BECAUSE I’M ONLY ALLOWED TO OBJECTIFY YOU DURING THE HOLIDAYS LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING FAMILY??

I’m afraid your dramas aren’t at the top of my priority list, Theo.

Can’t believe my kid is almost four months old now. My kid. Fucking wild, still. Anyone know if I’m still going to be having these ‘wow, i’m a fucking dad’ moments when she’s like 18?

I’m 10 years into the parenting fold and I can tell you that they haven’t stopped for myself yet. Honestly, I don’t quite believe those moments stop when they turn 18 — I don’t believe that they stop for the rest of your life.

TOO LATE currently on my death bed. mourn me Tobias.

I’m afraid i’ll have to look at my diary and see if I can pencil in some time to mourn. I’m a very busy man.

And he falls to the dark side, politics. I’m sure you’ll make a fine PM or whatever it is you’re running for.

Oh come on now, not all politicians have nefarious intentions.

That’s great news, Tobias. You’ll do great work for our little village.

Well i’m aiming to do great work at the very least — I suppose at least having the intention is good at the least.

Well, that’s just too logical, Toby. I don’t like thinking that logically. At least things have slowed down again so you were right.

Granted, logical thinking can be a nuisance at times, but i’d like to think it can be enlightening on other occasions.

Well, I see you decided to go for it which I still think is a good idea. How’s the campaign going?

Well, it’s going slowly thus far, though we are less than a week into the beginning of the campaign, i’m sure give it another week or two and i’ll have more exciting things to report.

How you going to go and break my heart during my honeymoon period, Tobias??? 

I feel confidant that you’ll live, funnily enough.

Well, I suppose it’s thanks to us as well. By the way, I saw you’re running in the next election. You’ll have my vote for sure!

 Thank you, Sam, your support is greatly appreciated. With the ideas of the people who make Gradian what it is, and the power to implement them, we really could make some wonderful changes to the area to benefit the masses.

bargained?? just because he gave me his last name doesn’t make me his bitch IT’S CALLED A COMPROMISING TOBIAS, plus, kinda sorta don’t want him fucking any stray that call themselves my sibling, you know?

I think i’d rather you let Alastair have his way on this one.