INACTIVE

( don’t be surprised if I deactivate / leave these blogs vacant in these next few weeks . i love twisted fate , I do , you all know how strongly I feel about him , but being here has drained me to my core . )

( writing became a chore very quickly as it felt like I was maintaining a standard , being the only one with my muses in the community ( active , anyways ) . it felt like I had a job to do . I needed to perform at a high standard all the time because if I didn’t , people may just abandon me . I try so hard to maintain tf as the wonderful character I see him as but at a point , it’s a lot for a person to handle )

( and with the recent events , rather than coming here drained , I come here afraid . what comments do people have for me now ? what did I do wrong this time ? I do not see the fun in being caught in events that make me cry myself to sleep every night . )

( words have been said to me to make me relive my real world abuse . being labeled as an abuser made my trauma resurface as I was actually physically and mentally abused growing up , which is something I went to therapy to dig a hole for . being labeled as something so painful because people throw words around that aren’t true , hurts me . )

( writing is no longer fun . writing here has spiked my anxiety , my depression , and my trauma , right when I thought I could be happy . I’m sorry for all those I disappointed . I’m sorry for all those I’ve hurt . I’m sorry if you hear stories about me , whether they’re true or not . )

( but to those who stuck around , thank you . I am so grateful to have had you in my life . you made me feel like I had friends when I had lost all hope . you gave me purpose , made me feel special . I will never not be grateful for the kindness I’ve been shown . I would love to maintain our friendships even if I’m not here ! )