Sparkle & Twist

When I started my first D/s relationship 15 years ago, I compartmentalized big time. I had my real life kink relationship in the physical domain, and my D/s relationship with the brat long distance and primarily in the ether.

Both relationships were entirely separate as far as I was concerned and I was very much loyal to each in their respected domains, and the same in return. Two relationships. Two worlds. This lasted for many years.

When the brat told me that he didn’t believe in monogamy, I was crushed and said “as long as you don’t have another Mistress,” because it was so incredibly difficult for me to wrap my head around anything that was not monogamous. All that social conditioning leads us to be searching for this idyllic "one" and well, what if there are multiple "ones?" It was incredibly difficult to admit to myself that I wasn't quite being monogamous, faithful, or truly loyal to either partner. The crazy thing is, I didn't see it that way. I had a physical relationship in Column A and a D/s relationship in Column B and they were in two entirely different worlds.

Compartmentalizing was my jam.

Power exchange is, well...incredibly powerful by nature. And when we first get a taste of it, we want to go full throttle and the fantasies of 24/7 TPE come flooding over. We want to be the “only” in that specific dynamic and it's kind of hard to imagine our partners with anyone else in that way because it's so immersive. When you are baring your soul to someone and diving deep into the psyche, regardless of what side of the slash you are on, it's a very vulnerable place, and to think that your partner could be that way with someone is a little crushing at first. I remember having thoughts of I'm not special, which was entirely inaccurate.

Early stages in a power exchange are opportunities to learn, and I was fortunate to put myself out there and find community, especially when I was navigating non-monogamy for the first time. I eventually ended the kinky real-life relationship after a major consent violation and kept things going with the brat. Since the brat was long distance, I couldn't rely on him to provide me with information now that I felt ready to fully explore this world tactically. I set up my Fetlife profile, started to nervously attend munches, and I even signed up for workshops and trainings. I truly wanted to be the best Domme I could be and get the tactical knowledge through other’s stories and by having experiences for myself. It made me understand that kink is a spectrum and that one partner certainly can't fulfill all one's needs and desires (at least for me), because sometimes new desires bubble up unexpectedly and serendipitously.

This weekend, I attended an online conference and one of the topics we explored was the concept and reality of mixed orientation marriages. This was primarily discussed through a lens of hetero/homosexual marriages, but I also want to say that we could also look at this through a kink/vanilla lens as well (I would definitely categorize kink as an orientation based on my experience).

Mixed orientation marriages are more common than we might think, and the thing is, these couples truly love each other and have built lives together, but it's hard for others to wrap their head around that. There were even stories that these couples do indeed have sex, and very good sex at that, just that their sexuality doesn't quite align.

This leads me to believe that we are all truly fluid in our own way. If love is love, we may be more pansexual or panromantic than we realize (more on that another time). Being part of a mixed orientation marriage can be confusing and hard to navigate. Sometimes the partner is fully accepting, others could be dismissive and shaming, while others may have a "don't ask don't tell" policy where they just don't want to know what happens, as long as they come home to them at the end of the day.

Sabrina: well aren’t you just the cutest little black cat I’ve ever seen?

Y/N: thank you

Sabrina: Y/N?! You turned yourself into a black cat? Why?

Y/N: that way I could cuddle for hours with you and no one would care.

Sabrina: okay

Sabrina just goes back to petting her shapeshifter of a lover…

I trudge into your office after my last meeting. You look up from your screen. The instant you see my face you say “There’s my Good Girl”. Your voice sends those ASMR tickles up the back of my neck and I instantly relax.

“Work sucked today” I say with a half sigh and half pout as you turn your whole body towards me. “Why don’t I make you feel better?” you say as your eyes light up with a certain cheeky playfulness. I know what that means.

“Yes please” as I sit in the chair beside you. You lean forward until you’re mere inches from my face. My insides turn to jello and I’m instantly breathless- the room feels smaller with your presence and focus on me. “Please, what?” You say, as your voice shifts from that gentle caress to that sensual commanding dominant.

“Please, Master. I need it. I need you” I feel my voice squeak out and begins to quiver, my eyes growing big. I have gone fully submissive as I beg for you to give me the pleasure that I so desperately crave. “Good Girl. Kneel and say your words” my knees buckle as I slip out of the chair onto the floor.

“I am owned by Master. I want to obey, I need to obey, I must obey because I am his. Obedience is pleasure and pleasure is obedience” The words come spilling out- it’s automatic. They give me comfort. My thoughts start to slip away with each mumble of the mantra. My eyes start to lose focus.

“Good Slave. That’s it. Feel those words as you slip down down down. That’s my good girl” My thoughts are gone and I feel like I’m floating, like I’m high. I’m still muttering the mantra over and over that it has become a whisper. As I mumble, the further and further I slip into the depths of my mind.

I feel your strong hands on the sides of my face caressing my hair. The action makes me sink deeper- deeper into mindlessness and deeper into your control. “So empty. So mindless. That’s my good girl.” My face is exposed and vulnerable to you as you see how gone I am and how mindless you’ve made me.

I know my purpose. I know my place. I am yours. Your mindless plaything. Your slave. I am your fuckdoll. Your sucking appliance to use for your pleasure. You tap my forehead twice and I engage in my purpose. My mouth opens, my jaw slacks and my tongue is hanging out. Ready to take your cock and give you pleasure.

You slip your cock into my mouth and caress my face. “Be a good girl” you say almost admonishingly. I begin to suck your cock slowly- sucking around the head and underside before I take more and more of your throbbing length into my mouth. I’m desperate to suck and desperate to please. My tongue caresses the veins of your shaft until I’ve fully engulfed your pulsing member into my warm and drooling mouth.

Your cock head hits the back of my throat and I reflexively gag. Your thumb rubs the sides of my temple as your warm enveloping voice fills my mind “feel that gag reflex slip away now” the more you rub my temple the deeper I take your cock.

You’re grasping the sides of my head and thrusting into my mouth, my drool is dripping down my chest. My pussy is dripping from want and pleasure onto your computer mat on your office floor. I love sucking your cock when my mind is gone.

Your balls slap my chin with each thrust as you lift your right hand up to snap me awake mid thrust. My eyes bulge out when I realize what is happening and I moan on your cock stuffed down my throat. You snap again and I drop back to the depths- my eyes rolling back as you fractionate me on your cock.

You feel the pressure building and you’re holding back just enough to enjoy your mindless slave’s mouth for just a little longer. My moans and drops from the constant fractionation are sending you close to that edge. You snap to bring me back up and I moan, loudly. You pat the top of my head and freeze my body into place as you thrust- one, two, three- and shudder down my throat at your release. You look down at my frozen face. My eyes are staring frozen and expectant up at you. You look down and say “Cum now” and in my frozen state I shudder internally- I feel the waves of pleasure and my pussy dripping more onto the computer mat.

As my eyes stop their flutters and rolls, you slide your cock out of my throat and adjust yourself. My mouth is agape in that perfect O shape as drool drips out of my mouth. Satisfied with your slave you sit back and snap your fingers “unfreeze and up up up! Wide wide awake”

I awaken on my knees. I stare at you unsure of how I got down to my knees and look up at you confused yet relaxed. You smile down at me and say “Remember everything now” as you snap your fingers.

Brittney Kade