“ if i ever were to lose you…”

was sad and touched starved last night so this happened..

…

Sleep had never been your friend. She had never graced your mind with her fingertips the moment your head found a pillow, never let you press your eyes closed when she turned the sky dark. If anything, you think she may be an enemy, out to get you with every chirp from a cricket that you just couldn’t ignore, looking to taunt you with the flashes of infected and other dark nightmares when your eyelids shut. Even after you settled in the safe town of Jackson, sleep and you had never made up.

This rivalry between you and sleep only got worse when your girlfriend was away on patrols. Ones that lasted many rises and falls of the sun. You would sprawl out on the too empty bed on these nights, clutching one of Ellie’s pillows as you begged for a night with no arguments from your mind.

Tonight was no different. It was your second night alone, your only company that of the crickets sent outside to steal drowsiness from you. The mattress of your bed had grown too stiff all of the sudden, leading to hours of tossing and turning under the cream-colored sheets. Long after the sun had set and the town around you got quiet, you stood up.

Pressing your bare feet to the cold wood under them, you found your heart taking control over your body, tugging you to the shared dresser that sat against one of the walls. Your fingers danced over each drawer, eyeing as much as you could through the darkness until you came across what you were looking for, a un neat drawer on the bottom left, slightly off the hinges, with a shirt poking out. Ellie’s drawer. You press it open, grabbing the first shirt you come in contact with, clutching it to your chest. Your previous shirt is tugged off and thrown to the floor with little care to wear Ellie’s instead.

It's something she wears often; you can tell by how it’s ripped in some areas. You stumble back to bed, fingers pressing into the fabric in the act of self-soothing as you find your way back under the covers and squeeze your eyes shut. You do your best to convince your mind that the fabric between your fingers is worn by Ellie instead of yourself, that she’s lying next to you.

It works, eventually. You don’t quite remember falling asleep, just that the black vision between your eyes was no longer the faces of clickers or worries of where Ellie may be. For once, sleep had patted your back with an open hand instead of a closed fist, she had welcomed you into her arms and lulled you into the inky dark of rest.

It didn’t last long. The one time you found sleep while alone was rudely interrupted at an hour you assume is ungodly, eyes blinking open only to be met with more black. The force that seemed to wake you was the sound of shoes banging against the floor, a sudden shift of the mattress next to you, and something large pressing into your back.

You feel the tickle of skin against your neck when a nose nudges you there, fingers that weren’t your own finding your hips to pull you against them. Ellie.

“Babe?” you whine, throat thick with tiredness as you try to swallow it down. “Go back to sleep,” the voice, undeniably Ellie, whispers in response.

“You woke me up.”

“I was being quiet,” arms wrap around you next, finding the skin under your shirt.

“If that’s you being quiet, I hope I never have to go on patrol with you,” you bite through yawns.

“Shut up,” Ellie mutters, pressing further into your neck to place a small kiss there. Your nose crinkles at the action, the sudden smell of god knows what invading your previously clear nose. “I missed you,” she continues.

“You smell like the woods, Ellie,” is your only reply, gaining you a low scoff. For a moment, you lose the heat of her body, listening to the shuffling noises of her moving around. It isn't long before she's against you again, though this time, the skin of her bare stomach meets the cloth of your shirt. You could only assume she had stripped down to her bra and boxers, which you would chastise her in the morning for not doing before laying in your bed. You guess she had been just as eager as you to return to bed with you, so you don’t say much. She takes position against you again, arms wrapping around you. “Better?”

You hum as an answer, eyes finally falling closed. “What time is it?”

“Late, or I guess really early,” your girlfriend mumbles into you. A shiver raises on your skin when she begins to trace over them nonchalantly.

“Thanks, genius.”

“Go to bed,” she groans, fingers finding the hole in the sleeve of her shirt. You swear you can feel her grin against you, a hot puff of air finding your flesh when she chuckles. “Are you wearing my shirt right now?”

Even in the darkness, you can feel the heat on the back of your neck crawling to the front of your face, and you fight the urge to shove your face into a pillow. “Yea.”

“You miss me that much?”

“Always,” you answer truthfully, another yawn escaping you as she draws shapes into your skin. Sleep had never been kind to Ellie either, and she had made it a repeated pass time to comfort herself with you. Playing with your clothes, and your hair, drawing random letters and numbers into your skin with the pads of her fingers, until it made both of you fall asleep.

“Missed you even more,” is the last thing Ellie says before you feel your mind slipping away again, this time with no argument from any outside factor. You had been woken so abruptly that your head hurt, but that ache left as soon as Ellie’s breathing slowed behind you. She never let you go, if anything she gripped you closer as she fell asleep.

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As you flick the shower on, you begin stripping off your clothes and dumping them in the hamper to be dealt with later. Steam fills the room and once the water gets as temperate as it's going to, you pull back the raggedy shower curtain and step in.

As you step under the lukewarm spray and begin soaping up, you don't hear the front door open or the sound of it being swung shut again. The light footfalls pacing around the apartment escapes you, as does the squeak of the bathroom door opening behind you and the soft thumps of clothes hitting the floor- what does catch you, through, is the rattling of the shower curtain being pulled back and the rush of cool air on your back as two arms encircle your waist, and pull you back against a warm body.

"Christ, Tess!" You exclaim, the bolts of fear having shot through you dissipating as she laughs delightedly. Hugging tightly onto you, she rests her chin on your shoulder as you scold her. "You scared the life out of me. Don't do that!"

"M'sorry." She hums, voice dripping with fake regret. You can picture the smile on her face as she soothes a hand over the curves of your stomach, letting her hand linger as the water runs over you both. "Let me make it up to you, hm?"

"You and your one-track mind." You scoff. Still, you revel in her embrace because as ever, she runs hot enough to keep the both of you warm underneath the cool water. She tsks at you as she leans in, tracing idle patterns into the skin of your hip as she delights in the sweet smell of your body wash.

"Oh, please." She husks against your ear, squeezing your hip tightly. "You know you love it."

“Tess, when are you gonna take a break?” You ask her, looking over at her from where you lay the couch as you prop your head up on your arm. “You’ve been at that for hours now.”

She kisses her teeth, not taking her eyes off the map as she continues studying the routes with a careful eye.

“No rest for the wicked, baby.” She tells you with a shake of her head. Tapping her pen against the paper, her eyes flit over to you and concedes a small nod. “I’ll be done soon, I promise.”

“Soon.” You echo, unconvinced. Flopping back down on the sofa, you throw an arm over your face as you roll onto your side and peek out at her coyly.

“C’mere.” You extend your other hand out to her, offering her your hand as you plead with her through wide eyes as she looks back at you unimpressedly. “Cuddle with me for a minute.”

Tess rolls her eyes and continues sketching plans on the map for a few beats, all the while you still have your hand outstretched. She ends up shooting you a look and, seeing you're not wavering, folds up the map and concedes with a roll of her eyes. “Just a minute.”

“Yes!” Your elation is clear to see and she can't help but smile a little at you as you sit up and beckon her over happily. “Yes, I’ll take it.”

Still shaking her head at you, as takes a seat next to you on the couch and tucks you in under her arm. Folding your legs up onto the sofa, you lean them into her and she puts a hand onto your knee to give it an affectionate rub as you lay into her.

“Such a pain in the ass.” She mumbles through a smile as you lay your head onto her chest, and she tilts her face down to kiss the crown of your head. Squeezing at your arm, she delights in the feeling of you relaxing against her as she rests her cheek against the top of your head.

The woman in question stays knelt between your legs on the bed, one arm wrapped around your thigh to keep your legs spread and the other pressed across your hips to stop you from wriggling away from her. A mess of tawny brown hair is all you can see as she keeps her head buried between your thighs, lapping fervently at your throbbing clit and keeping you on the edge for longer than you knew was possible.

"God, baby." She rasps as she draws away, looking up to your heated face with lustful eyes. Her eyes flit down your writhing body - from the marks adorning your bitten tits to the fingertip-shaped bruises blossoming on your hips - as she idly trails a finger down the inside of your crooked leg, from the inside of your trembling knee all the way to where you need her most. "I've barely touched you and you're already soaked."

The lewdness of her words makes a bolt of embarrassment shoot through you, hot and fresh like the pleasure she's been wringing from you. A soft whine leaves your bitten lip and you raise your shaky hands up to cover your face momentarily, to give you a respite from the overwhelming weight of her direct attention - but Tess is having none of it, and immediately leans up to take your hands away from your face.

"No, no, none of that." She chastises softly, gripping your wrist in a stern hold as. Motioning for you to remove your other hand too, she smiles approvingly as you do and intertwines her fingers with yours in a smoothing manner as she cups your fucked-out face with her free hand. "I wanna see every bit of that pretty face."

You keen under your breath, but at her urging you nod your understanding. She coos, thumbing at your bottom lip as she smiles before taking her hand off your face and beginning to move back down the bed with her eyes trained on you the whole time.

She trails her finger from your navel all the way down to the crux of your thighs. Trying to keep your breathing even is a struggle, but you manage - all the way up until she lifts her hand off of you, only to tease it across your overstimulated folds. You squeal in surprise and jerk your hips, to which she kisses her teeth at you.

"Aw, don't be scared." She croons, tone dripping with a saccharine sweetness. Dragging her fingertips up and down the length of your slit, you moan out as pleasure surges through you under her watchful eye. "It's only me, honey."

The idea of being able to cuddle up to her was just about the only thing that made waking up worth it, so at this point you’re rightfully irritated. With a groan you let your head fall back onto the pillow, and clamp your hands over your tired eyes to block out the waning sunlight.

Just as you resign yourself to another few hours of tossing and turning - and this time, without Tess’s comforting presence - until you hear a loud thud coming from the kitchen that sends your heart shooting up into your throat, only for it to be followed by a litany of swears uttered in a distinctly familiar voice.

The cold of the floorboards bites at your feet as you climb out of bed, and begin padding out of the room. With only a button up and a pair of boxers on, it’s not long before the cool morning air gets at you and you find yourself tugging at the sleeves of your top to preserve what little warmth you’ve left as you leave the bedroom and head out into the rest of the apartment.

Tess is in the kitchen, tending to something on the countertop with her back turned to you. The smell of dark coffee fills the air and grow stronger as you walk over to her, and loop your arms around her midsection to lay into her from behind.

She laughs softly, setting down the mugs in her hand to pet at your knuckles where they lay on her stomach. “Hey, honey.”

“Hi.” You mumble against her back, pressing your cheek against the flat of her shoulder blade. Swaying in place against her, she savours the warmth of your body against hers as she smiles and looks to the wallclock.

“It’s not even six yet.” She hums softly, turning her head and looking at you a little pointedly. Her fingertips skim idly across the ridges of your knuckles, making you relax even further into her. “You should be in bed, catch some rest while you can.”

Merk clinks against porcelain as she stirs the mugs, and you rub circles into the curves of her stomach with the pad of your thumb.

“And you should be there with me.” Comes your reply, making her kiss her teeth at you. You’re not to be deterred, however, and you press on as you pull her to move in time with you to the songs crackling over the radio. “Come on, doesn’t that sound nice? All cosy and warm and- “

“God, you’re like a broken record.” She laments, but there’s a hint of humour to her voice that makes you grin. Setting the spoon down on the counter with a clink, she raises her mug to her lips and takes a sip before she twists around in your embrace to face you with a teasing smile.

“Only for you.” You beam up at her, making her shake her head. She pushes the mug towards you and feeds you a sip, eyeing you affectionately as you peas with her. “Does that mean we can go back to bed?”