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Hi baby,  How are you? It’s been so hard without you. I miss your smile. I miss the smell of your skin. I miss waking up to you by my side. I miss the cuddles. I miss my movie watching buddy, my anime buddy, overall tv and music buddy.  You were my favourite of all time. My super love. The one I’ve loved more than I’ve ever loved anyone ever. I love you soooooo much. I never stop thinking about…

Merry Christmas Baby, This really sucks. Knowing that I can’t come back to you anymore. Speculating that you’re probably dating someone else. I stumbled upon your Plex account and saw a new account of “B”. Seems like it stands for Bri or that girl whose username is gelenesis. I hope you’re happy. We both deserve to be happy. I deserve happiness too. I know you’d make me happy for a time before…

Hey baby, I got a notification on Tiktok that you saw my profile. I guess perhaps you saw that I saw yours a while back. Funny how Tiktok baits our scenes out. It’s just a creep nonetheless. Doing my best to not creep back. No Spotify. No Twitter. No Instagram. No more looking. No more looking to see if your WhatsApp status changed. No more looking for hidden clues or whispers from you. I guess…

I had a real epiphany about us today mr ex. Idk how it came to fruition but like word vomit I spewed out some really deep reflections to Raman on a car ride home. I’m not sure why it got so personal or why I shared it with her but either way it was an answer I needed to reflect on.  I guess she asked me how things were with my dad and I admitted to her the shame I have of him and the realization…

I’m getting my period soon. That must be what this all is. I’ve been going to the gym more regularly as well, and I’ve learned that it can increase your sex drive. I’ve been fantasizing about you lately. I can’t stop thinking about you, it’s just been an overwhelming amount of “you” everywhere in every thought. It’s funny because just a few days ago I was patting myself on the back for resisting…

I think I’m getting panic attacks or anxiety attacks. I haven’t been feeling well all week now. Just having trouble breathing. I can’t seem to get air in. It feels like I’m a step away from crying. Feels like a buildup inside. Just of so much pressure. Pressure with school. Pressure with marriage. Pressure with money. Pressure with everything it feels. I can’t sleep now without watching something…

Everything makes me think of you. Everything. You’d think not talking or seeing or fucking you for almost nine months now would mean something.  I finally orgasmed I think on Monday. You would have been so happy to know that I’m sure.  I also started watching Mr. Robot. I see why you liked it so much. There was a couple of episodes giving nods to the movie you showed me Eyes Wide Shut, and they…

I finally realize why people are so tired and sleepy after they orgasm my god I’m exhausted but had so much fun.  You’d never know cause you’ve never seen me get there and now you never will :).  I’m proud of myself for figuring it all out, and actually getting quite good at it. With a vibrator – still learning how to do it with my fingers. I prefer the vibrator tho. Easy to clean and it feels…

Strawberry Letter #13 I went on Plex today and saw that I was still logged in. Kinda browsed what you were watching lately. Just briefly. Noticed I was still a “friend” along with Lucas and Ivan and then I saw “B”. I guess you’re obviously dating someone else now. You’ve moved on. Good for you. Makes me want to creep everything else but I want to stop being so pathetic. Why do I care? Why does…

What are friends? 

Where do I draw the line between a friend and an acquaintance and a coworker? 

How do I differentiate between old friends and new friends? 

We got high and he had two beers prior so he was a bit buzzed. He laid me down, teased me and played with me until I was all hot and bothered. He felt me up, looked deep into my eyes and thrusted his dick deep into me. It felt so good. He had me in a position where I felt like I was closer to coming than ever before.

I started talking dirty to him. I asked him, “tell me how much you love my pussy…

Here we are. New year. New Decade.

Something for some reason so many people put so much importance on. It’s almost as if the new year rings in a virtual “reset” button for everyone. A chance to be different. A chance to do things differently, a chance to make a change. Seems like no matter where you turn, someone’s talking about their new years resolutions, or trying to start something new for…

I had a dream that my now ex boyfriend texted me a long message telling me that it’s not worth losing me and it was as if he suddenly woke up and realized that he was wrong. He apologized and told me what he was going to do to fix it. He told me he was going to come over and have dinner with my parents to show he was serious. He treated it like an interview and let them ask their questions. I…

Yesterday was sad. I didn’t get the ending I was hoping for, the one I was rooting for, for years. The one I wanted so badly to be with him. And since he reads my blog posts it’s even worse that he knows what I want and at one point was willing to change and be someone better.

We didn’t want to leave each other. I felt sad to leave. But then a part of me felt like he didn’t respect me. Which…