💫

i always thought it would be you - and me. and i guess that's why it feels a little like betrayal now, that you've found someone. i wish i were more eloquent, so i could articulate what i'm feeling now, but all i can say is that it's extremely heavy. who knew that thoughts of someone could weigh so much? but i hope you'll be happy. with that someone who isn't me.

these seemingly neverending days will pass. for someone who thinks of the future a lot, i've realised that i'm not actually any clearer about what i think will happen as compared to someone who doesn't think about this kind of thing at all. who do i want to be? where am i going to go, what am i  going to do? i don't know anything. and yet, somehow i think that things will still work out. i have no idea what the future will be like. but i think that despite all our worries, we'll get there in the end. and we'll look back on it together (because i do think that even in the future we'll still be friends - i believe this very strongly) and we'll say "hasn't it been such a long time?when we were younger and things felt so difficult. how stupid we were at that time. what were we thinking half of the time? but here we are anyway. here we are. even though things were tiring and discouraging and sad. we've made it here anyway."