does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

every time y’all say “I want to fuck that old man” then point at a 30 year old you are introducing an invasive species into the fuckable old man ecosystem

i can't explain it, but the older you get, the more you realize that the hornier, filthier the music is, the better it is for cleaning. it is not good for sex. it's good for cleaning. if it's breathtakingly misogynistic? even better. i'm sorry, Hollywood Undead, i'm sure you think Everywhere I Go was written to fuck to while blown out on a couple lines of coke, but you're wrong. it's for Fabuloso and industrial grade cleaning vinegar and degreaser. the only daddy here is Scrub Daddy. sorry.

my mom used to listen to Lords of Acid in her data entry job

defunctland episode released immediately upon your death chronicling all failed career paths and relationships and somehow michael eisner is still at fault

Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.

Isn’t this sheep in real life?

Children in real life also.

The humble Oxford comma

#you can understand op by using your brain

still caring about internet friends you lost touch with years ago is so embarrassing. yeah i had a deam we met up irl recently. the last time we spoke was maybe 7-8 years ago. i still wear the laces we randomly decided was a sign of our friendship. i dont know what any of your socials are or if youre even active on any. sometimes i see someones art resemble yours and i wonder for hours. do you still go by that name you chose? whenever i see it i wonder if its you. we couldve passed each other in this vastness a thousand times and not have a clue.

we were lonely kids having fun together. do you remember?

doomscrolling tiktok together and I turn to you and ask, "why doesn't your algorithm recommend any videos with Black people?"

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy