hello mr. tenna. iām well aware that you may and have every right to skip over this ask as it is very long (also because i know at the end of the day this is an roleplay account heehee) but i feel a need to type this out anyway.
i want to thank you for how much you have changed my life and helped me discover myself. its so strange; itās not like its out of the ordinary for me to become super obsessed with a character or ship- ive been doing it since i was 8! but you were something different. part of it is of course the time of my life when i found you, being in college and having independence. i LOVED you and spamton and your aesthetic so much that i started thinking "hmm...what if i dye my hair RED!"
now, iāve dyed my hair before, but it wasnāt really my choice in a way. sure i said āmom, i want to dye my hair pinkā but she made the appointment, she chose the stylist, she decided how much i could dye and what style and how i would get it cut and after all of that, i could only keep it for like 2 months! my highschool didnāt allow āuntraditionalā hair colors or styles. of course, this isnāt to say i had no input on the matter, but it wasnāt really āme,ā even if i thought it was
now cut to about 9 months ago and i realized i donāt have to ask anyone, i donāt have to wait, i didnāt even have to go to a salon! and after mulling over it and mulling over it for weeks i decided hey man, fuck it! im gonna dye my hair!
and maybe it was babyās first realization of the self or something, but something just clicked. i looked good! red looked good on me!
i could wear what i wanted. there was no dress code. there was no one who would tell me to change before i walked out the door. there was no one who would make fun of me, and if there were, i could just walk away.
it was silly, but one day i wanted to do a "tenna inspired" outfit because i had a red blazer. and again, it just clicked. i like dressing like this. im having fun. i look good.
then followed many trips to the thrift store to find, in my words, more "fem tenna" clothing. red and gold and flashy and LOUD! vintage and silly and sparkly and everything! it was so fun! and for the first time i felt like i found my style. for the first time when i walked outside i felt like me. now about 90% of my closet is filled with flashy blazers and fun red dresses and tight leather skirts/pants and shiny shoes and novelty belts with hearts and stars and all sorts of flashy red and gold jewelry. hell, i have a bedazzled cane!
and my personality shined along with the sequins. i didn't feel like i had to appease everyone. i didn't have to restrict myself to please people. i felt like i could finally just do what i wanted.
what i'm trying to say is thank you. thank you for helping me realize that i can express that side of me. i've always been loud and goofy and flashy, but i've always felt ashamed of that, of expressing that. i've always felt it was wrong, that *i* was wrong. i've always felt i was supposed to be different, be what people wanted, what they found less annoying. i'm a performer, but no one wanted the personality that came with that. people didn't like that the flashy, happy, loud, and confident demeanor continued off stage. and well....
that's too damn bad isn't it?
so thank you mr. tenna! thank you for being you. i know this is silly, but i don't care! i'm finally me!
