pizza queen

Hey everyone, look at this fucker. This is Marbles, the asshat cat of my apartment building. Yes, the BUILDING. He showed up like 6 years ago and everyone just kinda jointly adopted him and he’s never left since. See that chip in his ear?? That’s not from a fight; my country of residence controls the stray cat problem through picking them off the streets, vaccinating and fixing them, and dropping them off again with a little nick in their ear tip in order to distinguish which cats are safe and which still need the whole treatment. STRAY is a loose term for Marbles, though. You see, ever since he showed up, we as building have: -given him his own little food and water dishes that get refilled daily on a chore loop the entire building is in -set up a nice comfy cat bed that gets washed regularly because its a dusty-ass desert country here -set out many fun little cat toys for him to play with -stop by to give him his recommended dose of love and pets and play

Now why would I call him an obtuse fuck if he sounds like a real community catalyst?? Well, despite having an endless supply of cat food and toys to play with, he prefers to spend all his time sitting on the guard’s windowsill and meowing at EVERYONE who lives here for food. EVERYONE.

Also, I went to pet him today on my way in from work, and after seeming to melt into my hand and purr like a goddamn sports engine, he took a swift and hard chomp of my knuckles.