Eileen's Blog of Blogginess

Right, Tumblr, you and I have a lot of catching up to do.

Cornwall. I'm so glad I moved back here. I have a social life for the first time in years and I can go to the woods or the beach whenever I want. Living with Sophie and Chris has been awesome and I love those guys so much!

Weight loss. Yeah not so much. I'll get into the external factors later but I'm pretty sure I'm back over 11st. Frustrating but I'll live. I'm currently reading about intuitive eating and understanding the notion of falling off the wagon... And why it's bullshit.

Appearance. I currently have purple hair and a daith piercing. Still trying to figure myself out.

Events. I was a bridesmaid at Steph and Andrew's wedding, which was so nice! We've kind of been planning our own but other people are a lot more enthusiastic about it than we are which is... Weird! Super lovely though.

1 month left at my current school and I'm starting to feel emotional. I'm going to miss my tutor group so much and I'm so proud of them. My year 8 class are so wonderful too.

Next week, we go to Cornwall so I can have my inset at my new school and hopefully get some house viewings. Super stressed about these things but this too shall pass.

A summary of the best night ever. We went to Miller and Carter for the first time and spent sooo much money on amazing food! Then Ryan drove us to Newlands Corner which over looks beautiful Surrey countryside. We went there earlier in the year to watch meteor showers and its a wonderful place. He got down on one knee in mud and asked. Then we went home for cheesecake and champagne (which is just NOT a nice drink lol).

Even though we had discussed it all before hand, I started to well up when he asked me.

I'm partly writing this because I'm worried I'll feel differently at a later date. Today, we decided to move to Cornwall.

We got back from visiting family this week and it just makes so much sense. We both miss our families so much and being away from them sucks. Also we don't want to start a family away from them really.

The decider was looking online and realising that we could pay £150 less a month and have a two bed house instead of the one bed flat we are in. The plan is to rent cheaply and save for a deposit.

Finally home now and have just enjoyed a bath with a Lush jelly bomb. So weird but sooo good.

It's been parents evening this week and I have so much marking to do. Preparing for my first proper CBT session tomorrow is really getting to me too.

The specific bet I'm talking about is the DietBet I signed up for. It's supposed to finish tomorrow but I think I may have actually put weight on. Three days after starting is when I got my last batch of bad news. Since then, I found out I probably have to have a procedure I really don't want, 6 months is the generous estimate for granddad and I've been dealing with a stressed Ryan. I haven't gone mad but I haven't gone to the gym either.

I'm giving online CBT a go. I need some help to move past some feelings I've been having and don't have the time or the energy to see someone face to face every week. I'm looking forward to it but this week was the initial assessment so that's left me pretty raw.

One thing that has made a huge difference is getting rid of facebook and stripping messenger right back. I just don't have the mental capacity for a lot of people right now and it's made everything so much easier. It's been over two months since I originally deactivated it. I've quickly logged in a bunch of times to clear notifications, delete people and check up on a couple of people. Weight off my mind for sure.

This was said to me over the summer. Because of the way I'm built, it will be really hard to achieve but not impossible. I'm using this as motivation to get back on it but still a shitty thing to hear from someone who knows you stomach is the source of all your biggest insecurities.

This mind set has been compounded by a shitty few days. Wednesday night I came home to a letter saying I needed a biopsy the following day. While waiting for my appointment, my dad rang to say granddad has been given six months. Biopsy sucked. Day after, a train on the line which my dad drives on had a bomb on it (he's fine but still freaked me out). Then had to take the day off today to heal from my biopsy. Urgh.

On the other hand, I feel as though I'm generally crushing my job and I've been going to the gym fairly often (taken a break to heal this week). I've been logging calories for three weeks and am back to steadily losing.

It's the last day of the summer holidays and tomorrow I start my RQT year. I'm so excited to have my classroom back and to myself. I've added a book case and bunting and I'm hoping it'll make this year so much easier.

I've massively enjoyed taking time to relax and de-stress from the year. I'd planned to be super productive through the holiday but I'm glad I took the chance to sleep and eat loads!