Lost Sunshine: Fragments of Loss
warnings: mourning, character death, hurt no comfort (yet)
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It was a beautiful day when the news was broken to him.
A person approached Princey with a hesitant expression, their eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy. They opened their mouth to speak, their voice trembling slightly as they broke the news.
"I'm sorry...found... Auggie... gone.."
Truthfully, most of their words didn't register in the 19 year old's head, only a select few words actually processed, and as the implications laid out, the words hung in the air, heavy and unbearable, piercing through Princey's heart like a thousand sharp needles.
Princey's blank stare met the gaze of the messenger, his mind struggling to process the devastating blow. For a prolonged moment, silence hung between them, the weight of the truth threatening to crush Princey's spirit. The other person shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his unreadable eyes, the pain and disbelief reflected in their own expression.
Suddenly, a grateful smile tugged at Princey's lips, his façade of composure barely holding together. "I see, thank you for letting me know." His voice betraying none of the anguish that clawed at his heart.
As he stood by his yard, the world seemed different somehow. The sun still shone brightly, casting its warm glow over the familiar surroundings. The birds chirped a beautiful melody from somewhere in the tree with the swing he had built for his family.
How could everything appear so normal when his world had shattered into a million irreparable pieces?
He quickly turned around, his steps growing heavier. Turning away from the sympathetic gaze, Princey retreated further into the sanctuary of his home. The once welcoming abode now felt cold and desolate, echoing the hollowness that had consumed him. He closed the door behind him, shutting out the world, yet unable to escape the relentless grip of reality.
Denial settled within Princey like a familiar companion, wrapping him in its deceptive embrace. He couldn't bring himself to accept the reality of August's absence. It felt impossible, inconceivable.
August was his little brother, his baby bird, his sunshine, his fledgling.
They were supposed to be together, sticking by each other's side like they always had ever since they were kids. This couldn't be the end. It just couldn't.
August was actually dead, it had turned out. The bird hybrid didn't want to believe it, but the enderian hybrid hadn’t come around yet, hadn’t left his basement, hadn’t come banging on Princey's trapdoor in the middle of the night demanding entertainment and clinging to him.
Days turned into weeks, and Princey found solace in the numbness that denial provided. He busied himself with trivial tasks, the mundane routines of his daily life. He collected more resources, ventured out almost daily to the most daunting places to get the things he didn't truly need, and came back to hand out his findings to his family members.
But behind his facade of composure, a storm brewed, threatening to engulf him in its relentless fury.
He avoided the spaces they once shared, the memories too painful to confront. The swing in the tree stood abandoned, a haunting reminder of their laughter and carefree moments. Princey couldn't bear to look at it, the weight of guilt and regret crushing his spirit.
The nights were the worst. Alone in his bed, Princey's mind would wander to memories of August. He would recall their adventures, their secret jokes, and their dreams for the future. The tears that had been held back during the day would spill forth, silently staining his pillow as he clutched onto the fragments of a life that was no more.
But even in his grief, Princey couldn't escape the tendrils of guilt that wound their way around his shattered heart. The last time the brothers ever truly had a conversation was before his son's wedding. They had shared a heartfelt moment, the younger confessing to him about the fear of going to sleep due to the transportation to another place, and the older promising to protect him.
And then he blew everything up. He doesn't remember what happened. He just remembers staring into August's eyes with a chuckle as he plays the music, before noticing a look of fear, panic and betrayal on his face as he flew back with Clover and Sap.
Ever since that day, their relationship had been strained. They couldn't look each other in the eyes, and often they'd find themselves in awkward silenced whenever they encountered one another, which led to the two eventually just avoiding seeing each other altogether to avoid the obvious need for communication about what had happened.
Princey had planned to apologize, to sit down and have a proper talk with him. He had everything prepared, planned everything out perfectly to ensure he was ready for every possible outcome.
Nothing would've prepared him for the death of his younger brother.
He questioned himself now endlessly, tormented by 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens". Had he done enough? Could he have protected August? The weight of responsibility bore down on him, threatening to break him completely.
As the weeks turned into a month, the denial slowly began to crack. Reality seeped through the fissures, piercing Princey's fragile armor. He couldn't deny the truth any longer.
His sunshine was gone, and no amount of denial could change that.
And so, one lonely evening, Princey found himself standing in the home they had shared. The walls whispered their shared memories, the shelves lined with tokens of their bond. He reached out to touch a photograph, his trembling fingers tracing the contours of August's smiling face.
A wave of sorrow crashed over Princey, his denial crumbling like sand through his fingertips. The dam he had erected to hold back his grief burst open, and he broke. His cries echoed through the empty room, his anguish reverberating off the walls. He wept for the loss, for the void that could never be filled, apologies falling from his lips in a desperate flow of heartbreak.
I'm sorry sunshine, please,
In that moment, Princey allowed himself to feel the depth of his love and the weight of his loss. The denial had served its purpose, shielding him momentarily from the unbearable pain. But now, as the truth consumed him, he surrendered to the devastation, knowing that only through acceptance could he begin to heal.
And so, Princey wept, his tears mingling with the memories that lingered in every corner of his home. The world outside continued to move forward, oblivious to the torment that consumed Princey's soul. Time marched on, but for him, it stood still, frozen in the moment of August's departure.
Princey's grief became a silent companion, never leaving his side. The weight of guilt pressed upon him like a boulder, eroding his spirit with each passing day. He tormented himself with relentless questions, replaying every interaction, every word spoken, searching for the signs he had missed. If only he had been more attentive, more present, more upfront, braver, perhaps he could have protected August from the cruel hands of fate.
The once vibrant halls of his home echoed with emptiness. The swing in the tree hung still, a poignant reminder of the laughter that would never grace its seat again. Princey's footsteps grew heavier, each one a reminder of the absence that haunted him. Every corner held memories that simultaneously brought comfort and anguish, amplifying the ache in his heart.
Alone in his home, Princey retreated into the depths of his pain. The world outside continued to move, but his world had shattered into a million fragmented pieces. Friends and loved ones offered their condolences, their well-intentioned words falling on ears that heard but couldn't truly listen.
How could they understand the magnitude of his loss, the guilt that gnawed at his conscience?
In the solitude of his grief, Princey allowed himself to remember. He delved into the treasure trove of memories he had shared with August. The playful moments, the dreams they had woven together, the unconditional brotherly love that had bound them. Each memory felt like a bittersweet embrace, offering solace and breaking his heart all at once.
The realization of August's absence settled into Princey's bones like an icy chill. The denial that had provided fleeting respite now betrayed him, exposing him to the full force of his grief. It was in this vulnerable state, in the depths of his anguish, that Princey understood the fragility of life, the transient nature of joy. He yearned for one more chance, one more moment to hold August close, to flick his forehead every time it poked him, to grin widely with warmth at the exasperation of his younger brother towards his jokes, to sing him to sleep with his guitar, to tell him how deeply he was loved.
And so, Princey sat amidst the remnants of their shared life, the remnants of his shattered heart. With each passing day, the cracks in his façade grew wider, the weight of his grief threatening to consume him. He clung to the fragments of hope, seeking solace in the memories that remained.
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